Page 103 of The Fall-Out

‘We’re not doing that,’ said Abbie. ‘Hard no. Only twats put their phones on speaker in public.’

We all laughed, the tension easing a bit again, and I sat down. I didn’t really have much choice – my legs felt wobbly with adrenaline, like they didn’t want to support my body.

‘Maybe,’ Kate suggested slowly, reaching into her handbag, ‘she’s sent it to all of us.’

As if they’d been choreographed, three phones appeared in my friends’ hands. Three thumbs swiped the screens to life. Three faces waited an impatient second for the camera to recognise them.

‘I’ve got it,’ Rowan said.

‘Me too,’ said Abbie.

‘Yup,’ said Kate.

‘We don’t have to put it on speaker, then,’ I said. ‘We can all listen to it together.’

‘Or we could just delete it.’ Rowan picked a slice of cucumber out of her drink and ate it. ‘And block her number.’

‘We could all burn our phones,’ suggested Abbie.

‘And then move to Uruguay and start a new life,’ Kate joked, but she wasn’t smiling.

‘I think we have to listen to it,’ I argued. ‘Remember Andy’s voice notes, Kate?’

She nodded sadly. ‘I’ve still got one saved on my phone. I listen to it sometimes, when I’m really missing him.’

‘He always said they were for people who think the sender’s time is more important than the recipient’s,’ remembered Abbie. ‘The rudest form of communication ever.’

‘But he sent them anyway,’ went on Rowan, ‘long streams of consciousness going on for five or ten minutes.’

‘Longer, if he got distracted and forgot he had the Record button pressed,’ I said.

‘This is only a couple of minutes.’ Kate filled up our glasses. ‘I reckon we should go for it. What’s she going to say that she hasn’t already?’

‘She can’t hurt us any more,’ said Rowan. ‘Surely not? After today, I reckon we’re officially Zara-proof.’

‘Okay,’ Abbie agreed. ‘Someone’s going to have to hold my hand, though.’

‘We’ll all hold each other’s hands.’ I placed mine in the centre of the table. ‘Come on. Hand sandwich.’

After a moment, I felt the warmth of Rowan’s palm on my fingers, then additional pressure as Abbie’s hand joined it, then Kate’s.

‘Ready when you are,’ I said.

‘Let’s do this.’ Kate lifted her phone to her ear. ‘One, two, three…’

I pressed Play. There was a moment of crackly silence, and then I heard Zara’s voice, as clear and present as if she was right there at the table with us, the fifth member of the Girlfriends’ Club.

Hello. It’s me. But you know that. It’s the second Wednesday in June, and I bet you’re at the Prince Rupert, aren’t you? For old times’ sake. I thought about joining you in person, and I almost turned up. but then I decided this way was better. I wanted you all to hear me out, just this one last time. And besides, that place is an absolute shithole.

Anyway, here I am. Or here I’m not. You know what I mean.

I wanted to say goodbye.

Don’t panic, I’m not going to top myself. I’d never have the guts to do that and besides, it’s really difficult isn’t it? So don’t worry, whenever you listen to this, I won’t be dead.

Just in Wigan, which is pretty much the same.

It’s where I’m from, and my parents still live there. I know what you’re thinking – not the grim care home with predatory staff and not the luxury mansion in – where was it, Dubai? Just a normal terraced house in a not very nice part of a pretty grotty town. I was desperate to escape it, and now if I’m honest I’m desperate to go back.

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