Page 80 of About Last Night

And Willa needs me—has needed me for weeks—and I haven’t been there for her. I feel lower than chewing gum on the bottom of a sneaker. If Willa is questioning or exploring her sexuality because of something that happened in Aspen…she has to be feeling very confused. I thought her disinterest was a sign that she was sick of me talking about Toni. Instead, she’s going through something herself, and has been putting her emotional needs before mine for the first time…ever? God, I’m such a heel.

I’ve got to try to catch her, to apologize. I gather my purse and loop it across my body.

“Are you leaving?” I look up and see Greta standing in front of me with a drink in her hand. “Where’s Willa?”

“She, um, left. She had somewhere to be.”

“Oh.” Greta is clearly disappointed. “Sorry I was late. Are you leaving?”

“Um.” I look toward the door. I want to go and get started on my penance now, but Greta went to the trouble to get us into this party, and I should at least share a drink with her. “Not since you’re here.” I sit back down at the table and Greta takes Willa’s seat. “This place is great,” I say.

“It is,” Greta says. “The owner is a friend of mine.”

“Oh,” I say. “How do you know each other?”

“College.”

“Oh.”

We both take sips of our drinks and look around. I don’t know about Greta, but I’m searching desperately for something to say. For the first time since I’ve known her, things are awkward. We’ve never been in a social situation just the two of us, and Willa and Toni’s absence hangs heavily between us. I just want to be alone to think, to figure out what to do, how to make things right with Willa.

“When was the last time you saw Shae?” Greta asks.

“At the Christmas party. Why?”

“Here she comes.”

I turn and there Shae is, making a beeline for our table, all her little minions following in a row. She says something to Lisa, the woman just behind her, and the hangers-on break off and go to the bar.

“Hey, Audrey. Greta, good to see you, too.” She looks between us, a knowing leer on her face.

I don’t know what to say. It’s not good to see her, so I stay silent. Greta does as well.

“I heard about the upcoming Fortune magazine feature, Greta. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” she says.

“That’ll be a nice addition for your CV, Audrey. But those lists are decided a year out, so everyone will know that your consulting didn’t have anything to do with it. I’m sure dating Greta will help you get business in the future, though.”

“We aren’t dating,” Greta and I say at the same time, though out of sync so it sounds garbled.

“This certainly looks like a date,” Shae says. “And Toni’s certainly moved on.”

“What do you mean?” I say, my stomach twisting into a knot of dread.

“I saw her at Dewey’s and you definitely weren’t the woman with her tongue down Toni’s throat.”

My own throat closes up. I can’t swallow, and I can barely breathe. But the last thing I want is for Shae to see that. I look at Greta for confirmation or denial of what Shae said, but she’s looking down at her drink, avoiding my eyes.

Of course Toni’s moved on. Why shouldn’t she? I’m sure my reaction and the things I said made her rethink her feelings for me and rightly so. My brain says this is what I wanted, but my heart has other ideas.

“Oh, shit,” Shae says, covering her mouth and laughing.

Shae always could read me like a book. A children’s book. The board ones that are indestructible and have one word and a big photo on each page so newborns can see it clearly. Shae is loving this and I want to die.

“Don’t tell me your new girlfriend was cheating on you at Dewey’s like your old one. Wow, you really do have a type, don’t you?” Shae says.

“No, I don’t,” I miraculously manage to say in a mostly steady voice. Thank God the music has been turned up in the last thirty minutes. “Toni and I are not seeing each other and we’ve never been girlfriends. What she does and with whom is none of my business, nor do I care.” The lie tastes like chalk in my mouth.

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