Page 79 of About Last Night

“You’re absolutely correct,” I said quickly, to hide the smile that wanted to spread across my face. Toni would be so jazzed to see Greta bowing up on me to protect her. In that moment, I saw Toni’s expression the night she inadvertently pitched to Greta and saw Greta’s genuine interest. I can’t wait to tell Toni, I thought, before reality came crashing down again.

After my initial explanation, Willa hasn’t asked me about what happened again. At first I was thankful, but now I’m hurt. I need my sister, and she’s avoiding me, acting like she doesn’t care.

Weeks pass with still no sign of Toni at the office. Valentine’s Day, a holiday I’ve always secretly loved but have never been with a partner who feels the same, comes and goes. Of course, I don’t expect to hear from Toni; we aren’t a couple. But my mind, traitor that it is, imagines what kind of girlfriend Toni would be on Valentine’s Day. Breakfast in bed, after a very long night of making love and earth-shattering orgasms (because of course she would want to start celebrating at midnight), a homemade card because there wasn’t one that was just right at the drugstore, chocolates and flowers. My present to her would have been a coupon good for one outdoor hike, rated easy to moderate, preferably on a level trail, and less than five miles, spending the day in bed making love and talking. Maybe a weekend trip to Napa. I’ve always wanted to go and never have. Huh. I don’t even know if Toni likes wine.

Our project with Fourteener Sports is half over, and on track to finish on time. Greta, happy with how everything is progressing, calls in a favor and gets Willa and me on the list for the opening night of the next big thing in the Denver restaurant scene, a gin distillery and farm-to-table restaurant called Gin and Bear it. Willa and I are sipping our gin and tonics and munching on the canapés being passed around when I see Toni’s best friend, Max, walk in the door. My heart leaps to my throat, hoping that Toni is going to walk in behind her. Instead, it’s someone I don’t know.

Willa follows my gaze and sees Max notice me and stare daggers in my direction. I refuse to turn away or avert my eyes.

“Someone doesn’t like you,” Willa says.

“No kidding.” When Max finally wanders out of my line of sight I let out a small sigh of relief. “Did I tell you that it was her apartment Toni took me to that first night?”

“No.”

“We slept in Max’s bed, apparently.”

“Huh,” Willa says, checking her phone for the fifth time in five minutes.

“That’s all you have to say? Huh?”

Willa levels her gaze at me. “What do you want me to say, Audrey?”

“I don’t know, show a little interest, at least.”

“In your one-night stand? Or two-night stand, I guess. Why? You broke it off with her before it started. There’s not a lot to talk about. You aren’t ready for a relationship, and you broke Toni’s heart. It’s pretty simple.”

“It sounds so cruel when you say it like that.”

“Well, it was a little cruel,” Willa snaps.

“I was upfront with her about what I wanted,” I say. “And she agreed to it.”

“If you didn’t do anything wrong, then stop moping around like you got your heart broken, Audrey. No one cares or feels sorry for you. Instead, you should feel bad about leading Toni on and then crushing her heart like a bug under your shoe. All Toni wanted, from what I can tell, was a chance with you, and you shut it down before anything could even really start.”

“That is completely unfair,” I say.

Willa looks at her phone again. “Finally.” She puts her phone in her bag, downs her gin and tonic and puts the glass on the bar table with a snap. “I’ve gotta go.”

“What? You can’t say that shit to me and then just leave,” I say.

She stands. “Actually, yes I can.”

“Where are you going?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I have a date.”

Willa hasn’t dated in years, and we’ve been working non-stop since December. “A date? Since when? How did you meet? Who is he?”

“On an app, and her name is Amanda.”

My mouth drops open in shock. Willa is going on a date with a woman?

Willa scoffs. “Yeah, I’ve been going through it, too, but you’ve had your head too far up your ass to care. See you at home. Don’t wait up.”

I watch Willa weave her way through the crowd until she’s lost from sight, too flabbergasted to move.

I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut. Leave it to my twin, my best friend, to give it to me straight, and in the most brutal way possible, about how I’m being self-indulgent on two fronts. I’m not sure “moping around” is the best descriptor of what I’ve been doing, but Willa is right, I handled everything with Toni wrong in Aspen. It’s hard to regret sleeping with her, but we should have slowed down. Waited. But we didn’t, and I’m mostly to blame for that. I’m entirely to blame for my knee-jerk reaction to her kissing me, and her declarations after. How I could be so passive for so long with Shae, who treated me like dirt, and so immediate and cruel with Toni, who treated me like a queen and only wanted to love me, is going to take some deep introspection to work out. Apologizing to Toni as soon as possible is the first step.

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