I dress with those words running through my mind on a loop. No matter how I turn them around, front to back, back to front, the meaning is pretty clear.
Audrey wants to keep us a secret.
Fun for now, seeing where things go, I’m OK with that. Well, mostly OK. But keeping it a secret?
I stand at the door to the room, one hand on the doorknob, my gaze on Audrey’s sleeping form. Wake her up and get a little clarity? Or let her sleep and read the subtext?
We’re having sex, Toni. Not renting a U-Haul.
Is this what taking it slow means for Audrey? Keeping us a secret? Because that’s not what it means to me. That’s not what I want.
I should be OK with casual; I’ve done casual for a decade. But I’ve never done casual in secret. It seems like an unnecessary complication to an already complicated situation—working together, her getting out of a toxic relationship, me learning how to navigate being in a relationship, in whatever form this might take.
Yeah, I might have failed to mention that I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Luckily, I know someone nearby who has, and will be free with advice.
“Hey.”
I jump at the sound of Audrey’s sleepy voice. “Hey, there. I didn’t want to wake you.”
She rubs her eyes and squints at me through the dark. “Are you OK? You’ve been standing there staring into space for a while.”
“Yeah, I’m good. Go back to sleep.”
“What time is it?”
“Five thirty.”
“I should probably go to my room.”
“My family is probably all awake and downstairs so you shouldn’t get caught sneaking next door.”
She smiles. “OK.”
Just talk to her, you idiot.
Instead, I say, “I’m going to go snowshoeing.”
“Oh my God you’re a morning person.”
I laugh. “I guess you aren’t.”
“Very reluctantly and only because I read in a self-help book once that all successful executives get up at three a.m.”
“I’m not that much of a morning person.”
“Thank God.” She smiles sleepily at me. “You’re beautiful. Have I ever told you that?”
My heart swells. “Not in so many words. I think you said, ‘you’re sexy as fuck’ when I finger fucked you last night.”
“Hmm, I remember,” she says. “Tonight, it’s my turn.”
“You might want to recharge the little vibe,” I say. “Cord is in the drawer.”
“Yes, we haven’t talked about your foresight on bringing a vibe, or is it your travel vibe?”
“I bought a brand-new one just for you,” I say.
Audrey raises her eyebrows. She throws the blankets back and rises from the bed, all smooth creamy skin, long legs, and full, beautiful breasts. Shit, why didn’t I wake her up?