Page 65 of Breakaway

“I know,” she says. “I’m working on it, I promise. I’m going to office hours all the time.”

“You’ve seemed distracted recently,” he says. He takes a step closer, concern written all over his face. “You’d tell me if something’s going on, right? It’s not something like Preston?”

“No,” she snaps. She grabs the rest of the books from the shelf and tucks her data sheet into one of them. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Because you could always go back to weekly visits with Dr. Faber. You’re still taking your pills, right?”

If possible, the blush on her face gets darker. She glances back at the closet. I wince, wishing I could put my hands over my ears, because this has stumbled into territory that is obviously not my business, but I don’t want to risk making noise and ruining things even worse.

“Dad,” she says. “Seriously, I’m fine. I’m taking my meds. And rereading a series I like doesn’t mean I’m about to go off the deep end again. It’s not like that was even why I... whatever. I’ll talk to you later.”

She flees the room. Coach Ryder stays there for a moment, arms crossed over his chest. I don’t realize it until he takes in a broken breath, but he’s tearing up. He pulls a tissue out of his pocket and carefully wipes his eyes, then clears his throat.

“Sorry about that, honey,” he says to Nikki as he leaves the room. “Can I get you that nightcap now?”

***

By the time I wriggle out the window, brave the jump to the ground, and sneak around the house, Penny is halfway down the block. I run to catch up to her. She’s crying, big gulping sobs that hurt my heart to hear. When I put my arm around her shoulders, she shrugs it away.

“Red.”

“When we get to your house, can you drive me home?”

I swallow back the protests I want to make. “Sure.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sorry,” I blurt.

She looks over. “For what? For hearing all that? It’s not your fault you were there.”

I latch on to the safest topic to bring up, even though I can’t stop wondering who Preston is and why she sees a psychiatrist. “You don’t want to become a physical therapist.”

She sniffles. “No,” she says thickly. “But you know how sometimes you latch on to something and can’t let it go? After my injury, I got kind of interested in my physical therapy, and he suggested I should do that as a career. It’s not like I have any better ideas, so whatever. It’s whatever.”

“It’s not whatever. It’s your life. What about your writing?”

“You don’t know the whole story.”

“So tell me.”

She stops on the sidewalk, looking up at me with tears on her cheeks; her breath crystalizes in the air as she sighs. “I can’t,” she says, her voice cracking. “Don’t worry about it.”

I can’t stop worrying about it, though. I can’t stop when we get to the house and she gathers up her things. I can’t stop when she takes my copy of The Fellowship of the Ring off my shelf and cradles it to her chest like she’s holding a prize. I can’t stop when she hugs Tangy goodbye, or when we drive to campus in silence, or when she dodges my kiss on the way out of the truck. I worry about it in bed, Tangerine tucked against my side and snoring daintily as I read the first couple chapters of Twilight. My worry is taking on a shape I know it’s not supposed to, but it’s not like I can just make it go away. I told her last week we’re not dating, and I’m going to hold on to that as long as I can, but with every second that passes, my feelings march into territory I’ve never felt before.

She told me about her mother, and I’ve got her favorite book in my hands, and I can see her thirteen-year-old handwriting in the margins, and doesn’t it mean something that she offered it up to me? When she reads The Fellowship of the Ring, she’ll see where I dog-eared the pages, where I broke the spine, where I penciled in thoughts during rereads where things felt particularly magical. I know I’m not supposed to feel this way for her, and maybe I’m reading this whole situation wrong, but she can’t be feeling nothing.

It’s in my chest like a breathing, palpable thing. Not friendship. Something deeper. Eventually, I won’t be able to contain it, and I’m terrified that the moment that happens, I’ll lose Penny for good.

Chapter 36

Cooper

“Isn’t it wonderful that James’s bye week lined up with this?” Mom says the moment she hugs me.

I’ve been at Markley Center for hours, preparing for the game, but I snuck out once I heard that my family arrived. I’m not in my gear yet, just workout clothes, but after I say hello, I need to get into uniform.

“Definitely.” I squeeze her tightly; I haven’t seen my parents since the semester began, and I’ve missed her especially. When Mom lets go of me, Dad steps forward and pulls me into a hug of his own. I relax for the tiniest of moments, because even though I’m taller than he is now, it doesn’t feel like it, and it’s rare that I wrangle a hug out of Richard Callahan. Hopefully, I’ll get another one after the game. I told my siblings to keep the news about making captain a secret so I can share it with him in person.

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