Page 101 of Breakaway

Tropic Blue.

“Penny?” he says, frowning. “You okay?”

Now that I’ve smelled his cologne, it’s the only thing I can notice. It’s pouring into me like smoke, an ugly plume of seawater and oak. I almost gag; I turn my head to the side to take in a clean breath, but it won’t fucking leave. I glance down at my hands. They’re trembling, yet I can’t feel them. I can’t feel anything, actually, and the music in the background has faded to a far-off tune, and two seconds ago I was warm, with whiskey in my belly, but now I feel so cold, it’s like I stripped naked and walked out into the February night.

Tropic Blue. I haven’t smelled that since Preston, and yet my nose remembers every note. He was wearing it that night, doused himself in it. I smelled it on him, and at the time it turned me on. Other girls’ boyfriends wore Axe, but mine had already upgraded to a real cologne. He was a man, and that night I snuck upstairs with him at Jordan’s party, I was determined for him to make me into a woman.

Kisses in the upstairs hallway. Finding an empty room. Taking a couple hits from his joint, even though it made my eyes water.

I shut my eyes, like that will dislodge the memory playing in my mind like a movie. I press my palms against my face. I think Brandon’s still talking to me, but I can’t hear past the dull ringing in my ears, and I can’t focus on a fucking thing but the scent on his skin. He grabs my arms, pulling my hands away from my eyes; I shove him backward and make a break for it. I need to get away. If I can just get away, he can’t film me—

I push through the room and dash for the stairs. I can’t breathe. My throat feels like someone shoved hot coals down it, and everyone’s face is a big blur, a smudge of a memory. I stumble upstairs, almost falling as I miss a step. My vision blurs as I yank open the door to Cooper’s room, slamming it shut behind me. I slide to the floor, taking in a big gulping sob as I bury my head in my arms. I still can’t feel a thing, not my feet or my hands, but my heart is thudding like it’s about to fly right out of my chest.

I’m in Cooper’s house.

I’m in New York.

Cooper.

I’m with Cooper, not Preston. I don’t even know where Preston is right now. I know where my boyfriend is, though. He’s downstairs having a good time on his birthday. I’m his girlfriend, and I should be by his side, but instead I’m up here, alone. Stupid. Drowning.

Seawater and oak. Spraying it on my wrists because I wanted to smell like him. He loved that, didn’t he? He had me wrapped around his finger.

The glass bottle was deep blue with a turquoise top. Prettier than your eyes, he’d said, the day I discovered it, in his room with him for the first time. Had he been planning it even then? What about me made him decide I was the perfect girl to betray?

I try to take a step, but fall to the floor, hitting my head on the corner of the bookcase next to the window. Pain shoots through my forehead, but I grit my teeth and crawl to the closet. I need to get the scent out of my nose. I need to shake the memory free, and I need to tear it to fucking pieces.

Somehow, I make it to the closet. I pull it open and crawl inside, curling up into a ball on top of a pile of shoes. I reach up and grab at a random sweater, pulling it from the hanger and burying my face in it. Cooper’s musky scent fills my nose, and my next sob is one of relief. I can do this; I can calm myself down. Five quick minutes and I’ll be back at the party.

“Red? Baby, where’d you go?” The voice sounds distant, but at least I know it’s Cooper’s. Preston never called me Red.

Not fast enough.

Chapter 56

Cooper

“This is a fucking good drink,” I tell Seb as I throw my arm over his shoulders, pulling him into a sideways hug. He’s not expecting my weight, so we fall against the wall together, but that just makes both of us laugh. “You really designed it yourself?”

“Sharp, just like you, bro,” he says, grinning at me. “Sweet, too.”

“The first part sounded pretty badass.”

“Yeah, well. You’re so sweet on Penny, it gives me a goddamn toothache.”

I don’t even have a retaliation, and the worst—or possibly best—part is that I don’t want to retaliate. So what, I’m sweet on my girl. She’s everything to me. I’ll take being whipped if it means I can get on my knees to worship her.

So instead, I just ruffle Seb’s hair, pressing a quick kiss to his temple. “Thanks, brother.”

I’ve had plenty of memorable Cooper Days, but this tops all the rest. Having everyone I care about here, all my siblings, my friends and teammates, my girlfriend, makes my heart swell bigger than I thought it ever could. The only bad part about having everyone around is that I can’t drag Penny away and take off that little blue dress she’s wearing. If it wouldn’t be rude, I’d insist on running upstairs for a quickie.

I glance around as I sip my drink, but I don’t see her. With almost everyone piled into the living room, we’re way past capacity, but everywhere I look, I see a familiar face. I’m sure Izzy didn’t intend it this way, but it’s a nice reminder of all the connections I’ve made so far at McKee. Uncle Blake got me thinking about the draft again, but if I entered it and then a team called me up? I might never have developed such tight bonds with Evan or Remmy. I wouldn’t have gotten to live with James one more time last year. Worst of all, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t have met Penny at all, and she’s everything to me. Even the thought of that hurts. I rub my chest as I settle against the wall.

Bex took a Polaroid of the two of us just a couple minutes ago, and that picture is going in my wallet first thing in the morning. I shake my head, smiling into my plastic cup. When I found out that James had a picture of Bex in his wallet, I teased him mercilessly. Now, I’m going to be the one dying to pull it out and show everyone. Hey, want to see my girlfriend? Isn’t she the most beautiful woman in the world?

“We should get some beer pong going,” Evan says, nudging my side. “Try and beat last time’s record.”

“Definitely,” says Remmy. “I call Vic for my team.”

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