Page 32 of For the Night

Ella didn’t conceal her disappointment. “I want to say us, but I get the feeling you’re just gonna say there is no us.”

“I’m glad you get that feeling,” I replied. “Honestly—” Fuck. I saw someone get upset over by a St. Andrews cross, so I told Ella she’d have to find me later. I hurried over there and stayed behind the Top for the moment.

This wasn’t part of the event; the Top and his sub were playing on their own, and it was easy to see the boy wasn’t a fan of restraints.

I gently put a hand on the Top’s back as he dug out a flogger from his duffel.

He startled and glanced back at me.

“Safeword reminder right now, please,” I told him, gesturing to the sub.

The Top turned to his boy again, visibly concerned, but he didn’t appear to be surprised by the sub being distraught. “What’s your color, baby?”

The boy sniffled and clenched his fists. “G-green. I promise.”

So far, so good. “Does he ever struggle to safeword?” I kept my voice down so only the boy’s Top heard me. I’d seen them around before, so I knew they’d been together for a while.

“Not at all,” the man assured. Then he furrowed his brow. “Maybe I should’ve given a heads-up before…? We’re trying to work past one of his triggers, and he feels more comfortable in a crowd.” He held up the flogger. “This is to distract him. He loves being flogged.”

I’d heard what I needed to hear—for now. I thanked him—and apologized for interrupting—and then I walked away so I could watch from a safer distance. The boy hadn’t been shocked out of the scene, and that was good. Interrupting Tops had to happen occasionally. But these two appeared to have a solid dynamic. I kept an eye on them as the Top started flogging his boy, and the shift was pretty immediate. The sub went from trembling and whimpering to finding a comfort zone in the thuddy pain.

My shoulders lost the last of their tension when I heard how communicative the Top was. He praised his boy a lot, said he was proud of him, and spoke of his progress.

“I’m doing it, Daddy,” the boy chuckled tearfully.

“Fuck yeah, you are.” The Top was clearly proud. “You wanna go get ice cream now, or?—”

“A little longer.” And the boy was determined.

I’d seen enough now too.

I smiled a little to myself and moved on.

No matter how many years I’d been so heavily involved in kink, these situations never failed to put me on a roller coaster of emotions, and they happened so swiftly that most of them didn’t register until it was all over. The nervousness and worry that something might be wrong. The risks, the unknowns, the red flags. The doubts that sometimes lingered, when you just had to keep on watching to make sure…

Then the rewarding relief and joy of seeing a sub push through a discomfort or trigger.

In a world where pain was loved by many and tears could be months of pressure unleashing, we had less to go on when we calculated danger. Something that looked terrifying and upsetting could be healing and filled with satisfaction.

At the same time, something usually went sideways at events like this one when many newbies wanted to try something they’d only read about, so we had to be prepared. But sideways didn’t mean catastrophic. Nine times out of ten, it was merely a sub needing the scene to end right then and there. And we were a community that encouraged safewording freely and frequently. We believed it promoted trust and openness, not to mention it removed some of the stigma. Too many subs feared calling red because that might bruise the foundation of a dynamic, and some Tops too—they viewed it as a personal failure to hear their sub call red.

Those mind-sets needed to be crushed like a bug.

As if someone was reading my damn mind, I heard a male voice choke out yellow, and I spun around. Okay, never mind, Reese and Dean were on the case.

My heart drummed a little faster, and I thought of River. No wonder he hated these newbie events. They put us through the emotional wringer.

Ella caught up with me minutes later, and I almost snapped at her. We were busy; all DMs were on high alert, and if I couldn’t take the time to indulge in watching Nora, I sure as hell couldn’t stand here and talk to my ex.

That was all she was now. An ex. A memory. Part of my past.

“I sincerely don’t get what we have to talk about,” I told her. “But either way, now’s not the time, and?—”

“Red! I’m sorry, fuck, red!”

I sucked in a breath, instantly recognizing Nora’s voice, and Ella was forgotten. I was moving through the crowd before I even noticed it. Ella called after me, saying she wanted to wait by my cabin for the event to be over, and I just—fuck, I didn’t even know. I answered on autopilot over my shoulder, like a sure, fine, whatever, before I made my way toward…it had to be Nathan’s station.

“Everyone back off,” he commanded firmly.

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