Page 66 of Tulips and Lost Time

She hasn’t changed a lot in the last three years. Still the same height. Same build. Her hair is still wild and long, and her eyes are still shrewd. But her face is a little leaner than I’m used to. Her freckles, less pronounced, as though college has kept her busy and out of the sun.

“Thank you.” She slips her arms into the sleeves of her coat and turns when I release the fabric, fixing her buttons and dropping her hands into her pockets. Then she glances up and holds my stare for a long, long minute.

The longest of my life.

“It’s been forever,” she breathes, her sweet breath like candy on my tongue. Her cheeks still warm when she’s embarrassed. And her eyes still dance. She’s as easy to read as a book laid out and open. “I’ve missed seeing you every day, Luca.”

“I mean…” I was the one who sent her away. I know. She knows. “No one said you couldn’t come home every weekend, Bear.”

“Bear.” She sighs, happily and yet, in a way I know translates to heartache at the same time. Breaking away from where we are on the porch, she starts down the steps and moves slowly until I catch up. “I forgot you used to call me that.”

“It’s the only name that comes to mind when I think of you.” I dig my hands into my pockets and pace my steps to match hers, so together, we move out of the Turners’ yard and onto the street instead. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left.”

“You told me you didn’t want me.” She cuts straight to the chase, slicing me off at the knees and peering up until our gazes meet. “You looked right into my eyes and told me that.”

“I looked right into your eyes and said what I thought was the right thing to say.”

“To make me leave,” she surmises, dropping her head back and wandering with her focus on the stars instead. “You dismissed me, so I would leave, and you wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore.”

“So you would leave and see what life is like outside of this town,” I clarify. “So you wouldn’t marry the only option you thought you had, settle down, and live a bored life.”

“Presumptuous of you.” She slides her tongue along her lips to moisten them in the cold air. “You just assumed my whole life, based on a high school crush? I asked to kiss you, Luca. I didn’t ask to be your date to our wedding.”

“I was trying to do the right thing.”

She scoffs, lowering her eyes and shaking her head gently from side to side. “I don’t remember ever living a moment where some guy wasn’t making choices for me, all in the name of doing the right thing. Marcus. You. Blake.”

Instantly, like my jaw is controlled by a fucking lasso, I turn and stare down at the side of her face. “Blake is your boyfriend?”

“I know you saw us last night.” She swallows, the sound audible as she exhales again and white fog races ahead of her. “I thought I was seeing a ghost, to be honest. You were completely out of context, so it made no sense to me. But I saw you, Luc. And you saw me.”

“I saw Blake.” Ten. The RN. “H-have you been dating long?”

“A few months.” She watches her feet as we walk. “He’s good to me. He’s a gentleman.” She tilts her head and eyes me. “But he considers himself the authority on what’s right for me, too. Seems I have a type, jumping from my brother, to you, to him. Everyone wants to take care of me, no matter if I have an opinion of my own.”

“Does he…” I frown and try, so fucking hard, not to assume the worst. “When you say he considers himself your authority, do you mean that in a cute, boyfriendy way. Or are we talking about Marc and I heading to the city to kill a man?”

She snorts, shaking her head and huddling into her coat. “Case in point. I’m a full-grown adult now, Luca. But you assume I’m in a controlling relationship, and the only way I can leave it is if you and Marc come and rescue me.”

“So stop with the vague bullshit and just tell me what’s up.” I grab her elbow and pull us both to a stop, then tugging her around, I swallow when our chests clash and her breath races into my lungs. “Are you happy, Bear? Is this a good relationship for you? Is he…” I swallow the ache in the base of my throat. “Is this an I’m experiencing college kind of relationship, or are you marrying him and staying away forever?”

“Once again,” she murmurs, meeting my stare and firming her jaw, “you presume to have a right to that information. But that’s not how things work anymore.”

“So that’s it, then?” Anger surges in my blood. Pain. The regret of what I sent away, and the guilt for what I did last night. “All this history, and now I’m locked out? I don’t even get the benefit of being your friend? Because friends are allowed to make sure their friends are happy and okay.”

“Friends don’t tell their friends they’re not wanted.” She turns on her heels and stomps along the road. “Friends don’t show up unannounced, after three years, then disappear for the night, so that friend is left wondering where the hell they went to, and if they’re okay. Because for all I knew, you, my friend, saw me with Blake, then you left again and rode your bike off a friggin’ cliff. I had no clue why you were in the city in the first place, and I sure as hell didn’t know if you made it home safe, considering no one knew where you were all night.” She slows her steps and peers back over her shoulder. “Seems you’re not a good friend to any of the people who care about you.”

“I didn’t know anyone was waiting on me.” I grit words past my teeth and keep walking to catch up to her. “I don’t make a habit of sending good morning and good night texts to my pals, Bear. So I didn’t think doing so last night was required.”

“And yet, I sat up all night wondering where you were. Who you were with.”

“So we’re doing that, then? Comparing notes of who we spend time with?”

“No, I?—”

“Let’s start with Blake,” I bite out. “Because dating a dude for a few months kinda implies monogamy and feelings.” I grab her arm and swing her around again. “You’re in a relationship, Kari. Can’t say that doesn’t make me bleed.”

“And you had a one-night stand last night.” She smirks, though it’s not playful or sweet. “I can’t find it in my heart to feel bad for you. You think I’m stupid? That I don’t see you for who you are?”

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