Page 57 of Tulips and Lost Time

But the ride is short, mercifully. The roads, all but empty until I hit the outskirts of the city, and two lanes turn to six. Even then, I zoom through traffic on my bike, choosing the shoulder and mid lanes instead of sitting with everyone else.

Horns honk at my back, and my brain cruelly forces me to reminisce from one part of my life to another. I should’ve put music on. Headphones in my ears and something other than Kari’s voice playing on repeat. But no. I didn’t do that. So instead, while staring at the road and crossing a city I hardly know toward the apartment the girls share, I think back on fifteen years of memories. From a little girl who clutched her pink blanket to a grown woman who demanded I notice her.

From that child I ignored, even when my heart gave an odd tug, to the woman I sent away… even when it felt like shoving a dagger between my ribs.

I think of the kisses we shared. The secreted moments spent in the dark. I think of the things she asked for—not even a relationship. Just… truth—and then of my final words to her.

I. Don’t. Want. You.

The nastiest, most villainous words I’ve ever muttered in my life.

I blow through a yellow light just before it turns red and zoom across the intersection filled with pedestrians waiting to cross. Then I cut left and close the final few blocks until I find her building.

What am I planning to do when I see her?

Fucked if I know.

What will I say?

No clue.

Will I demand she send Ten home?

Hell knows.

She’s doing literally the very thing I told her to do. She’s seeing the world and meeting new people. She’s honoring my wishes and living her life.

And I’m… throwing a fit about it. Because all along, I wanted her to choose me.

I pull up outside Kari’s apartment building and back my bike up until the rear wheel touches the curb. Then killing the engine, I merely sit and shiver. Because it’s November! And I’m cold and stupid.

What are you gonna do, Luc?

Huh!?

What are you gonna do?

My phone vibrates in my pocket, an incoming call that buzzes against my leg and reminds me I left the table back home in a ridiculously conspicuous way. Everyone will have noticed. And several of them will have questions.

But not Marc. Hopefully not him.

Digging my freezing hand into tight denim, I pull the device out and bring it up. Only to frown when I spy Britt’s name flashing on my screen.

Curious, I accept the call and press the phone to my ear. “Brat?”

“Hey.” She’s often the person who matches my energy when we all hang out as a group. She’s one of the wild ones. One of the loud, brave ones. So even though I don’t see her right now, I still see in my mind the way her lips curl. “You okay? Where’d you go?”

“Out.” I sit back on my bike and study the street surrounding me, my breath coming out in white puffs that remind me how miserable I’m going to be tomorrow. “I got a call from work, so I’m dealing with that.”

“I’m worried about you.” She cuts through my shit and silences whatever rebuttal I might’ve thought to spout off. “You haven’t been yourself in a long time, Luc. You think you’re slick, but when people care about people, they notice.”

“Um…” Nerves lodge in the center of my throat and damn near strangle me. “What?”

“I don’t know the who. And I don’t know the why. But my brother is a broken man because of a girl. Sam is…” She shakes her head, sighing. “She destroyed him, Luc. So I know what a man hurting looks like.”

“And I…?”

“Am a man whose heart hurts because of a woman. You’re ridiculously discreet about it all, and I haven’t seen you with a woman in a while. I swear, I’ve been watching, trying to figure you out.” She softens her voice, gentling it for my benefit. “You can tell me, Luc. And then we can hang out and bitch about her until you feel better.”

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