Page 84 of Tulips and Lost Time

“Give me a chance! Meet me, now, as an adult. Spend time with me. I dare you to do that and still deny loving me.”

“I do love you.” Her eyes spill over, fat, heartbreaking tears dribbling onto her cheeks and down to the edge of her jaw. “That’s the problem, Luc. But that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to break me, time and time again. I already gave you my heart, but you didn’t take care of it.”

“I was doing the best I could,” I groan. “But saving you from yourself, and caring for your heart, were two separate missions. Sometimes, they required opposite actions.”

“And now I’m dating someone else.” She gestures toward Blake, who just… hovers. Listens. Watches. “Six years, Luc. And he hasn’t made me cry once.”

Six years, I internally sigh. And I continue to make her cry.

“Are you dating him because you love him?”

“Am I…” Her eyes glisten with pain. “What?”

“Are you in love with him? Or is he safe? Is he protective and harmless and kind, and now you’re clinging to him the same way you clung to a soft, pink blanket that first day you walked into my life?”

Her jaw quivers. “Stop it.”

“Answer my fucking question!” But I step to the left so I can see him, too. “Are you dating Kari because you’re a man attracted to women, and you genuinely see a future with her? Or is she a cute little lamb you like to protect? She’s so fucking sweet, so friendly and undemanding, considering she’s in love with me, anyway, that she becomes the perfect side piece for you to keep around. She’s witty and silly, so it’s not like it’s hard to spend time with her. And she’s so beautiful, any man would be thrilled to have her around.”

“Luc!”

I stare into Blake’s eyes and already know the truth. “If you think I don’t already know the answer, then you’re kidding yourself.” I look back at Kari. “He can be your second best friend for the rest of your life, Bear. Bring him to our home for dinner every single Sunday night. He can be the godfather to our child and the fun uncle. I don’t even mind. I’m not in competition with him, and I won’t cast him aside because I want to call you mine.” I grab her jaw and hold her still when she tries to turn away. “But he will always only ever be your second best friend. Because I’m first. I refuse to accept anything less.”

“You refuse to listen to me when I tell you I’m not interested.”

“Babe…” I stare into her dancing, devastated eyes, and shake my head. “You admit you still love me. That’s not not interested.”

“It’s a trauma bond. It’s PTSD. It’s not affection.”

“Liar.” I lean closer, guilt stabbing at my heart when her lungs stumble and her breath comes out on choppy exhales. But I don’t kiss her. I don’t even rest my forehead on hers like I did last time I saw her. “I’m gonna make it right, Bear. Because you have my heart and I have yours. We’re both a little bruised and battered right now. We’re both hurting. But I swear, I’ll make it right.”

“I’d rather you just stopped. Give me mercy and leave me alone.”

“I can’t.” I press my cheek to hers and just… hug. Sort of. I close my eyes and breathe her in. “I can’t let you go. So I’m gonna convince you to be brave instead.”

“I’m gonna keep arguing with you.”

I choke out a small, soft laugh. “I like it when you argue. It’s way better than seeing you hurt.” Slowly, I pull back. “Will you invite me to stay for dinner? I don’t even mind if Blake is our third.”

She shakes her head, her cheeks warming and her eyes dancing. “I’m not inviting you to dinner with me and my boyfriend.”

“It was worth a shot.” Turning, I meet his stare and offer my hand once more. “It was nice to officially meet you, bro. Thanks for being her friend these last few years. I appreciate that she was able to find someone who made her feel safe.”

“And you just…” he takes my hand, less squeezy this time, “assume we haven’t had a wild, heated love affair these last few years?”

“If you had, you’d have picked my ass up and tossed me onto the street ten minutes ago. Additionally, I don’t think heterosexual men call it a heated love affair unironically.” I release his hand and smirk. “You’re gonna be a great uncle to my kids someday.”

“You just…” He puffs his cheeks wide. “You leapfrog all the way to the finish line, and she’s still back near the start, stalled out and hoping for an ambo evac.”

“Good thing I know how to get me an ambulance, huh?” I clap his shoulder and turn to a silent, boiling Kari. “He’s cool. We can keep him around. I don’t mind.”

“You’re an ass. Dismissive and rude.”

“Dismissive? I just invited him to dinner every Sunday for the rest of our lives! Do you want me to name our son after him, too?”

25

LUC

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