Page 60 of Tulips and Lost Time

“Inebriation and bad choices.” I bring my hand up and swipe my chin and mouth, wiping the unsavory leftovers on my shorts and mentally begging for a shower. Clean clothes.

A different life.

“Are you okay?” I stagger toward the steps and drop down so I’m not sure if I’m sitting or collapsing. But I set my head in my hands and try with all my might to push away my own troubles. My own disgust. “I’m sorry this happened.” I turn my face and meet her eyes. “I took advantage… maybe,” I burp. “Probably.”

She angles away from the stench of my breath and screws up her face. “You’re taking responsibility for something we both did… while drunk.”

“I’m the adult,” I moan. “It’s my responsibility to carry.”

“We’re both adults. And you were clearly working through some stuff. It’s…” She rolls her head side to side. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!”

“It was sex,” she growls. “People have sex. Good, healthy, mature people are able to still be friends with someone they’ve had sex with.”

“You want to stay my friend?”

“I sure as hell don’t want to be your girlfriend! I don’t want to be your wife. And I don’t want to cast you out of my life. So yeah…” She dangles her head back and points her face toward the sky. Eyes closed. Cheeks warming under the morning sun. “It was a thing, Luc. And now that thing is done. It won’t be repeated.”

“You reject me so easily?”

She snickers, soft and playful. “I’ve got the ick, like I slept with my brother.”

My stomach lurches again, regret rushing along with the acids burning the base of my throat. “That’s how it feels for me, too.”

“I think, if not for Hennessy, that would have never happened.”

“No shit?” I rub my eyes and search for a way back. For a rewind button. For a reset. “Fuck. That was never supposed to happen.”

“As far as I’m concerned,” she lowers her face and exhales a noisy, liquor infused breath. “It didn’t. I won’t tell anyone. And you won’t tell anyone. It’ll go to the grave with me, I swear.” She lifts her hand between us, presenting me with the side of her fist. “Silence. Forever.”

“Yeah.” I bump her fist and whimper when last night’s paltry dinner swirls in my stomach. “Forever.”

“Thank god.” She pushes up to stand, swaying in place until I reach out and set my hand on the side of her hip. But of course, she slaps me away and lopes back up into the house. “You don’t get to touch me there. That’s intimate. And people who aren’t intimate don’t do that.”

“I should just kill myself.” I jam my thumbs against my eyes and pray for a fast death. “Put us both out of our misery.”

“You could, I suppose.” She bangs around inside the house. Stumbling as she pulls the rest of her clothes on and stomps into a pair of platform boots. “Or you could just… ya know. Move on with your life.”

“Wait.” I push up to my feet and heave when my stomach and head aren’t quite in sync with each other just yet. Then I turn on my heels and trudge into the house. “You’re being way too cool about this, Brat. Girls don’t often react this way the morning after.”

“You’d know.” She drops to her ass and works on her laces. “You’ve left a string of broken hearts in your wake.” She shakes her head and glances up. “Don’t worry, my heart is fine.”

“You’re way too comfortable right now. How many morning afters have you walked away from?”

Her lips quiver with the ghost of a smile. “You’re not my boyfriend, so you don’t get that information. And you’re not actually my brother. So again…”

“I don’t get that information.” I lean against the wall, because I’m not sure I can stand all on my own for much longer. Then I drop my head back until it hits the plaster with a dull thud. “You’re being safe, right? I don’t just mean condoms. I mean everything.”

“Always. And except for this one time, the girls and I have a safety system in place. We’re always careful.”

My sisters. And the woman I love.

Fucking awesome!

“I think I have to tell someone about us.” I peel my eyes open and search for Britt’s. “I have to tell her.”

“The one who has you all messed up and heart broken and drinking with another woman? Fuck that bitch. Anyone who hurts you like that doesn’t deserve you.”

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