Page 50 of Tulips and Lost Time

Oh god. Oh fuck.

Swallowing, I look at Marcus and shake my head, instant, jerky, and cowardly.

“Um…” I bring my focus back to Bear and clear my throat. “Just I’m gonna miss you. With my whole soul. I hope you visit us often, and I pray the next four years fly.”

She takes another step closer, somehow closing the walls in with each movement she makes. “That’s it? After all these years?”

Marc’s stare is like a red-hot poker on the side of my face. So I gulp again and nod. “Hurry back to us. Things won’t be the same while you’re gone.”

She stops and firms her lips. Her eyes blaze with a million questions and demands. But I can’t say shit without ruining everything. I can’t ask her to stay without destroying her future. And I can’t announce how I really feel in front of our family without, well… chaos.

So I reaffirm my stance and nod. “That’s it.”

Disappointed, she turns on her heels, sighing but faking a smile. “I’m so thankful you guys wanted to do this tonight. You’ve humbled me.”

“Anything for you, Kar.” Alex stumbles off the coffee table and snickers when he sticks the landing. “Who wants to watch the fights on TV tonight? They got some title bout going on.”

“Sounds good to me.” Kari bends by the television and snatches up the remote, then flicking it on, she flops onto the single recliner and drapes her legs over the arm. “Watching guys beat the shit out of each other in high definition is exactly what I want to see right now. Allegedly.”

“It’s a bit like a textbook for you.” Oblivious, Britt snatches up half a slice of pizza and drops on the other arm of Kari’s chair. “You get to see all their cuts and shit.” She points toward the fighter on the screen and nods. “Why do you think they put the goopy stuff on their face?”

“To stop their skin from tearing.” Kari stares at the television and does a fan-fucking-tastic job of ignoring me. “They’re there for sport. Not to disfigure each other.”

“Fighters are kinda sexy, right?” Britt tilts her head, smirking as she watches the ones on the screen. “They’ve got that primitive, gonna protect the women-folk with my fists kind of energy.”

“You’re not allowed.” Alex saunters across and steals his sister’s slice. “No fighters for you, Brat. They’re not even in the same fuckin’ stratosphere as you.”

“You think I should date a banker?”

“I think you should join a nunnery. But if you insist on living in the outside world, then yeah, date a banker. You’re gonna be a teacher. Teachers don’t date fighters. Silly women date fighters, and then they become a victim behind closed doors.”

“Wow.” Britt pushes forward and swings out to smack her brother’s thigh. “Wildly inappropriate and judgmental comment. People are people, X. Pretty sure the statistics say cops are at the top of the charts as far as domestic violence goes.” She purses her lips in dare. “Wanna make a comment on that?” Then she leans around him and looks to Oz. “Deputy? Have something to say?”

Oz lifts his hands in instant surrender. “I’m just gonna watch TV and mind my business if that’s cool with you.” He reaches around and grabs his beer. “The chick fighters are hot, and so, I’m just gonna appreciate them in silence.”

I’m done. I push off my stool and leave my singular, barely touched beer behind. Making a beeline for the backdoor, I move in complete silence. I’m not here to make an announcement. I’m not looking for a goodbye. And I sure as fuck don’t want Kari to notice and follow me.

Slipping through the doorway and onto the wooden porch out back, I close the glass door behind me and look up at the stars above. The moon is out and almost completely full. The summer breeze, cooling despite today’s filthy temperatures.

I wear jeans tonight, and a shirt that hugs my chest. But nothing sticks uncomfortably, because the humidity, for today at least, has backed off.

“You’re such a coward, you know that?”

I spin to the back door, my hand pressed to my heart and my brain sputtering when I find the glass still closed. Then I turn again and find Kari at the corner of her brother’s house. Her eyes drawn and sad. Her shoulders slumped in a way she wouldn’t allow them to be inside.

“You couldn’t even say anything nice about me?” She wanders closer, her hands in her pockets. Though she remains in the shadows. Forcing me to go to her… or stay away. “After all these years of being family. Of being friends. It all comes undone now and right before I leave, you can’t even set aside the new stuff for the old?”

“You want us to be together, Bear.” I stalk off the back of the porch and meet her in the dark. Fuck knows, no one else has to hear this conversation. Worse, they shouldn’t see it. So I grab her hand as I pass and continue toward the barn at the back of the yard.

“Luc!”

“You’re asking me for something I want to give you.” I drag her around the side of the barn and shove her against the splintered wooden wall. Instantly, her eyes pop wide and her pulse thunders in her throat. “I want you, Kari. I want to give you the things you’re asking for.”

“So what’s the pr?—”

“Sometimes, people don’t realize the thing they’re asking for isn’t in their best interest. You’re still so young! You need to experience college and everything that comes with that. Sending you away, but tethering you to me back here, is unfair.”

“Unfair to me?” she snarls. “Or to you?”

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