Page 36 of Tulips and Lost Time

“I don’t want you to plan your life around a fucking relationship that can’t happen. You’re gonna be free, Bear!” Giving up on my distance, I flip onto my side and set my hand beneath my ear to cushion it from the splinters. “Our town has, like…” I wrack my brain and think of the welcome sign on the outskirts. “I dunno. Six thousand people. Max. Everyone knows everyone. There’s no such thing as career advancement unless the person above you retires or dies. There are no guys around here nearly good enough to date you. And if you sit your NCLEX and come back here to work, you’ll spend your life helping idiots who flip their cars at Piper’s Lane, and kids who screw around down at the steel mill. You have a chance to get away, Bear. A chance to escape Marc’s protective suffocation.”

Her eyes widen, scandalized and a little horrified. “You want me to move away from my brother?”

“I want you to have the choice. To be whoever you want to be. To do whatever you want to do. I love your brother, Kari, like he’s my brother, too. But I also know a trauma case when I see one. He needs help to understand what the fuck happened to him, and you need help to understand your life doesn’t have to be controlled by a man.”

“And so…” Her lips curl higher. “In your attempt to piss Marcus off and set me free from his dictatorial regime, you’re telling me what to do? And on top of that, you’re especially certain you won’t cross the best friend picket line and kiss me on the halfpipe we all helped build and repair over the years?”

I drop my gaze to her lips. My hunger to taste her, almost jumping from my throat like a wildcat.

“Luca?”

“I didn’t say he was a dictator. Or that he should be escaped.” I force my eyes up, like a physical, torturous climb my soul rejects. But I stop on her eyes instead and enjoy that balm one feels after a burn. “I said I want you to have choices. Whatever they might be. Wherever. With whomever.”

“And if my choice is… you?”

Yes. Please. Fuck. For the love of god, let her be mine.

“Staying in this town and choosing me is not a choice at all, Bear. It’s a lack of choices. You have a crush, just like every other schoolgirl does over time. It’s a natural phenomenon for little sisters to flirt with their older brother’s friends. You think Britt isn’t hitting on Ang half the time? You think Jess and Laine don’t give me a heart attack daily, checking out Alex’s much older friends? It’s the way of the world. So of course, me walking you home when Marc was too busy to be there, and us hanging out at Popcorn Palace was gonna leave a mark on your soul.”

“We wrote songs together.”

“Yes.” I gulp so the ball of nerves lodged in my throat fights its way into my stomach. “And we’ve skated together. We’ve had secrets.”

“You took a beating from Garth Beaterman and his friends for me.”

“Because I’m here to protect you. I’m here to make sure you’re okay. But of course, all that history is gonna cloud your judgement. You think there’s something here, when in reality, all it is is a lack of choices.”

“So you won’t kiss me tonight?” She breaks our eye contact, stealing her soul away from me, and looks up at the sky instead. “Under the stars. While it’s just the two of us.”

“Bear…”

“You’d prefer I go off to college and screw around with those guys instead. To understand my options.”

The very thought is like a hot poker to my stomach. But I do the right thing. The selfless thing, and nod. “Yes. I want you to experience college life the right way.”

“So if I do that,” she drags her eyes back down, her long lashes, like wings framing the windows to her soul. “If I sleep around a little bit, kiss a few frogs, get that experience on my bedpost, so to speak…”

Filthy, disgusting, burning acid creeps along my throat.

“You’ll kiss me next summer? Since, by then, I’ll have all this worldly experience?”

“The theory stands,” I grit out, “that once you’ve made out with those frogs, you’ll have forgotten about your silly little crush.”

“You offend me.” She licks her dry lips and brings her arm back behind her head. Then she gives up on me, resting on her back instead, and stares up at the moon. “Invalidating my feelings. Calling them silly.” She looks to her left, just a movement of her eyes. “That hurts. Are you dating anyone else right now?”

“Am I…” I push up to my elbow and set my chin in my palm. “Why are you asking about my dating life?”

“Because I wanted to. You in a relationship I don’t know about?”

“No.”

“Bringing any women home that you haven’t told us about?”

“No.”

“When was the last time you went out on a date?”

“Kari, I don’t?—”

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