Page 100 of Tulips and Lost Time

“Respectful. Marc should try it sometime. Now come on.” I grab her ass and drop one last kiss to her lips. Then I pull away and snag my helmet from the bike’s handlebars. Because whenever she’s on the bike, the helmet comes with us. “Put this on.” And yet, I do it for her, raising the helmet and plopping it over her head so her hair becomes a curtain covering her eyes.

It’s cute, really, the way she practically inhales her own locks and frantically brushes them aside to clear her vision.

“Climb on after me.” I let her fix the straps on her own and throw my leg over the bike instead, scooting forward to ensure she sits closer and swinging her backpack around to wear it on my front. I set the key in the ignition and start the purring engine. Then I grin, because she slides her leg over the seat and nestles onto the bike with her chest practically plastered to my body. Her breath touches the back of my neck, even with the helmet in the way, and her arms come around to crush my ribs. “You ready to go for a ride, Bear?”

“You ready to stop announcing everything we do? You make it weird, and then I get shy.”

“Ohhh, so like… you want to go for a ride, but you don’t want me to ask if you want to go for a ride?”

“Right. It’s weird.”

“Kinda like you want to go to bed with me. But you don’t want me to ask you if you want to go to bed with me? Because then you’re forced to reject me out of habit, or admit you want me.”

“Luca—”

“You want me.” Pleased, I balance the bike and kick the stand up. Then I slip the gear out of neutral and into first. “I understand now, Bear. You want all the things. You just don’t want to say them out loud.”

“I want you to stop talking,” she grumbles. “I’m quite happy to tell you so.”

“See, now you’re being cranky again.” Chuckling, I use my feet to steer the bike out of the shadows and away from the wall. Then, when I have a little space, I gently release the clutch until the gear catches and we’re moving ahead. “You’re too shy for your own good.” I use just one hand to steer, since we’re still in the hospital loading dock, and I use the other to reach down and stroke her leg. “Don’t worry,” I speak a little louder. “I’ll speak enough for us both.”

“She wanted all the things,” Kane sniggers. “She just wanted you to be forward enough to take them. She considered asking for them a weakness on your part.”

“I mean…” I slip the bottle’s nipple between Billy’s lips and shrug. “I’m no shrink, but I guess that’s how it was. She was too timid to say the words out loud. I basically had carte blanche to do as I pleased.”

“So you took her home and went to bed with her.” Kane is way too fucking comfortable digging towards the details of intimacy I shared with Kari. All those nights secreted away. All the times we snuck out to be alone. All the family events we attended together, but not together. “All yours for the taking?” he prompts, eager.

“You have a serious boundary problem.” I stare down at my daughter and shake my head. And instead of speaking my words out loud, I hold them within myself. More memories I get to visit. More love, just for me and Kari.

31

LUC

FIRSTS

Icut the bike’s engine about three buildings before Kari’s, using the momentum to roll the rest of the way, and the silence to sneak closer. Because even if my sisters are gonna be cool about all this, Kari still wants privacy, and I’m not ready to have my ass handed to me by Kari’s older, larger, dangerously protective big brother.

I bring the bike into the driveway out front, gravel and rocks crunching under my wheels, then I squeeze the brakes gently, slowing us to a stop and using the streetlights overhead to guide my way.

“That was smooth,” Kari whispers, reaching up already to unsnap her helmet and pull it off to reveal wild hair made curlier from the ride. “I never considered rolling it into the driveway.”

“I’m too smart for my own good.” I accept the helmet when she offers and dangle it off the handlebar, then I do the same with her bag, using the straps to hang it. I thrill under her touch when she places her hand on my shoulder and her feet on the ground. She uses me for balance. For strength.

All for naught, because the moment she’s off, I hook my arm around her hip and yank her in until she perches, off balance, across the bike in front of me. Looking down into her eyes, exhausted, and yet, dancing, I smile when her lips twitch with a ghost of the same. “I feel like I’m dreaming.” I lick my dry lips and study the million tiny freckles smattered over her cheeks. I visually trace her long lashes, and the locks of hair draped over one side of her face. “I know we’re still figuring us out. And fuck, Bear, I know we’re scared. There’s so much at risk?—”

She searches my gaze. “But…?”

“But I feel like it’s all a cruel dream and you’re still away in the city pretending I don’t exist. I’m scared I’m gonna wake up soon with the biggest fucking heartache ever.”

“That’s kinda how I feel too.” She nibbles the inside of her cheek and allows her eyes to flicker between mine. “You said no for so long, and now you’re all in, shouting yes. I’m still catching up.”

“So we’re both kinda shell-shocked.” I lean in and press a kiss to her sweet lips. “And now you’re inviting me inside. To your bed.”

“Don’t make it weird.” She slaps my shoulder and shoves up from the bike, snagging her bag as she goes. But she doesn’t throw my hand off when I grab on. She doesn’t fuss or snarl when I link our fingers and tug her back so we can walk side by side. “You and I aren’t compatible on the way we discuss these things. You seem to thrill in making me uncomfortable.”

“I mean…” I press my lips to her temple and chuckle as we start up the steps. “I do. Kinda. It’s the asshole in me. But it’s for the greater good,” I add when she shoves her elbow back and nails me in the gut. “I swear. If neither of us say anything, then we’re never gonna get anywhere. But if I continue to nudge you out of your comfort zone and into the outside world with me, then eventually, maybe, we’ll be able to get married and live our lives together forever.”

“Jesus.” Exhaling, she slides her hand into the front pocket of her backpack for her keys. “You’re never afraid to say the craziest things. I’m blushing over the word sex, and you’re out here spouting off about marriage.”

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