Page 33 of The Promise

I pick Ellie up in my arms and she presses her cold cheek to mine, her arms coming around my neck in a soft hug. “You take me skating again soon Kyle?”

“Yeah El, I promise.” I bop her nose and place her to the ground. “Kyle always keeps his promises Ellie, trust me.” Molly says beside me and we share a private wink, my girl’s eyes glistening with a naughty sparkle.

Chapter 23

Molly

I can finally breathe when I land my ass back in Kyle’s car, raking my hair back from my face. I look over at him and he’s staring, studying my face, ocean eyes locking to mine after a moment.

“Ellie is so like you,” he almost whispers, a soft smile gracing his lips as his eyes crease with an emotion I can’t decipher.

I purse my own lips, holding back the grin that tries to break free. “That’s impossible, we’re not even related and plus,” I look back at Kyle, “she has totally different hair.”

He shakes his head, landing a warm hand on my thigh. “I’m not talking about her looks, I mean her whole vibe, she’s like a bright beam of sunshine.” He pins me with the intensity of his stare. “Like you.” I swallow hard, shuffling in my chair and having absolutely no idea where to look or what to say to that comment. I’m not used to compliments that go past the way I look, the way my ass is shaped or the way my tits bounce when I'm riding someone's dick. But Kyle rarely compliments those things, it’s like he notices all of the tiny details about me and not just about my physical looks, but about me as a person.

I wish it didn’t make my heart jump against my ribcage the way it does.

I clear my throat, wanting to change the subject so I can breathe properly again. “So, what did you think of them? They’re great right?” “Yeah Mol, they’re so great, especially Ellie.” His smile is coy as he looks down at his lap. “I would have loved a sibling, but it’s probably for the best I never had one, I would have been the one raising them after all.” I place my hand on top of his where it’s resting on my thigh and we share a silent beat, before Kyle looks up and speaks again.

“That right there is a real family Mol, you might not have the same blood, but that doesn’t matter. My mum barely speaks to me, she doesn’t give a shit where I am or what I'm doing and if I disappeared off the face of the earth she’d probably be the last to know.” Kyle’s eyes hold a hint of sadness, a heavy weight that he’s been carrying around, thinking nobody cares about him. I can’t fucking stand to see that look in his eye. “Your parents love you, your sister clearly thinks you’re the best thing since Peppa Pig and they support you no matter what. I wish I had that, I’d fucking kill for that, someone who cared about me that much.” His face falls and I feel a drop of moisture pool in my eyes as I look at him. He’s a broken man, just getting through everyday, trying not to think about the fact he doesn’t have anyone who loves him, cares about him. But he couldn’t be more wrong.

“You do have that,” I whisper, burying my fingers through his and sniffing back the tear that wants to run down my cheek.

He gives my hand a little squeeze, a shrug pulling at his sagging shoulders. “Mol, my mum doesn’t give a shit about me and that’s the truth.” “I wasn’t talking about your mum,” I mutter and Kyle’s sullen eyes find mine. There’s a lingering moment between us, which is all he needs to read the words in my eyes, the ones that I have no idea how to say out loud. I don’t want to feel the way I do, but when I look at his soft features I can’t help it, I just want to tuck him into my pocket and keep him forever. But I can’t, I don’t keep people. They’re all like passing ships and as amazing as this thing between us is right now, eventually he’ll leave me, they all do.

Kyle begins the drive back to my dorm, I would stay over at his tonight but I promised I’d spend the evening with Callie, painting her toenails. She’s getting frustrated now, already struggling to reach them as her belly continues to expand. She’s had to ease off on the gymnastics training too and that’s making her extra cranky, luckily there are only a few weeks of her season left now. Sean is so fucking huge she’s probably going to end up pushing a monster sized baby out of her hoo-ha, she’ll be recovering for months. Good luck to her is all I can say.

Kyle stays pretty quiet during the drive, that is until we get within a mile of the dorm building and he squeezes the nape of his neck. That tells me immediately he wants to say something and is nervous about my response. I can read that man like an open book.

He pulls into a spot and turns to me, muttering a quiet, “Can I ask you something? And don’t get mad at me.” I narrow my eyes at him, not wanting to promise anything before I know what he’s going to ask, but nodding anyway. “Why the casual sex and very obvious fear of a relationship?”

I swallow hard, averting my eyes immediately and the instinct to bolt out of the car and just run washes over me. But this is Kyle, nobody else and I know he doesn’t mean to upset me or drag up any negative memories. Unfortunately, he gets the snappy side of me today.

“I’m not talking about that with you Kyle,” I huff, reaching for the door handle, but his body comes across mine, slamming it shut again before I can escape this difficult conversation.

“I really think that you should.”

I groan, letting my shoulders sag as I begrudgingly accept that he’s not letting me get out of this. “My dad was the first and last man I’ve ever loved and that I thought loved me. I have one photo of him, not of my mum, but of my dad and me.” Here come the tears, trickling slowly down my cheeks and Kyle’s thumb quickly catches one, batting it away. “I don’t trust men Kyle, the one who was supposed to love me more than life itself left me, dropped me off one day and never came back.”

Kyle’s hands find my cheeks, cupping them and bringing my moist lips to his for a fleeting kiss. “He’s a bastard,” he says, whispering against parted lips. “But we're not all like that, some of us just want you for you.” “I do know that,” I seldom believe it though. “But I can’t help the huge emotional barricades I’ve created to stop anyone from being able to abandon me again.” I heave a sigh, slapping at the last few tears that linger on my cheeks. “No strings attached means no chance of heartbreak.” Kyle’s large palm brackets my jaw, the warmth making my eyes flutter closed. “I get it baby, I just wanted to understand you.”

Oh sweet Jesus, my heart is going to burn a hole in my chest if he keeps saying sweet things like that.

“You don’t want a relationship either though…right?” My now tear free eyes find Kyle’s and I see the uncertain cogs turning in his brain already. He coughs once. “No, no I—” he coughs again, this time into a fist. “God no, I don’t want that no, no.”

“You’ve said no about ten times now,” a hint of a grin widens my lips and I squish it back down.

“No seriously Mol, I definitely do not want a relationship, ew, no.” He screws his nose and then his eyes widen, hands waving in front of him. “I didn’t mean ew, not at you anyway, I just I-I…ahhh.” A quaky hand runs over his face, hiding him from my assessing gaze.

As endearing as nervous Kyle is, I'm fucking praying that he’s not under the wrong impression here. I really like him, so damn much I feel like it crushes me sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I'm about to let down my walls and invite him in totally unsupervised, to roam around my heart and do whatever the hell he wants to it. I want to give myself to him, but there’s just no way that I can, not without the constant fear of him leaving me and taking my heart with him. I don’t want to live like that, knowing I’ve given every smidgen of myself to someone and at any moment they could up and leave me, taking a piece of me away that I can never get back. Kyle walks me up to my dorm room after blabbering on for another few minutes about how much he definitely doesn’t want a relationship, which has all but convinced me how much he actually does want one. Now my stomach is sloshing, worried about the future with him. Not knowing whether I want to cut and run right now before every ounce of my being gets too attached to him, or whether it’s already too late for that and I should just give up and admit that I want more. But I don’t know if I do, not really or if I'm just too reliant on Kyle, looking to him as my emotional crutch.

I turn my key in the front door and it opens with a click. “Are you coming in?”

“No,” Kyle shakes his blonde head, scratching his temple. “I won’t tonight if that’s ok Mol, got an early start tomorrow.”

“Yeah, ok, that’s fine…Are we ok though?” I say, my stomach tensing at the thought of things being weird between us now. I need things to be good with Kyle, he’s the only one I can run to for anything and everything, I can’t stand any heavy air between us.

Kyle smiles down at me, moving into me and holding my waist. “Of course baby, we’re always ok.” He holds out a pinky, a toothy grin spreading. “Promise.”

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