Page 47 of The Promise

When 11pm rolls around I'm in a half comatose state anyway, so I finally give in, letting sleep drag me under into a mixture of heavenly dreams. Some of them include me winning the race tomorrow and qualifying with a new record breaking sprint, and others are about Kyle taking me back with open arms. But when I peel open my achingly tired eyes at 6am, those dreams come crashing down right on top of me, the truth weaving it’s way through all of those much too good to be true possibilities. My calves are already sore from my lack of training yesterday. Failing to keep my muscles warm and stretched was mistake number 57 of mine this week, but to be honest, I think I'm in a state of resignation right now. I know I'm not going to qualify, so what’s the fucking point in any of this? I’m only going today to show my face, so Mike can’t punish me with extra push ups for the rest of the year. Also so I don’t have to face questioning from Callie or Anais about why I'm throwing away my dreams, blah blah blah. The two of them have been on my back about slacking lately and I know they only care about me, that’s where their concern comes from. But to be honest, it’s fucking annoying and I wish they’d both just back off a bit. I’m an idiot, I know this already and I don’t need my two best friends reminding me. I'm a total fuck up since Kyle crashed his way into my life and made my heart feel things I never wanted it to feel. But we’re here now and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I need him, more than anything or anyone else. It seems I just needed to experience living without the other half of my heart, to know I never want to do it again.

Chapter 34

Kyle

I didn’t sleep well last night. To be honest, I haven’t had a full night of sleep since the last time I shared a bed with Molly, but last night was particularly bad. I’m not sure if it’s the anxiety of seeing Molly in the flesh today for the first time in three weeks. Or the fact I may have to watch her hard work over the past year come crashing down on her like a ton of bricks, putting her future on the running team at Redwood in jeopardy. I shake my head, like I can shake the thoughts of what’s going to happen today right out onto my bedroom floor and stamp them away. Raking a wobbly hand through my tangled, blonde tresses I get to my feet and dredge towards my bathroom to take a quick shower. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds of the scalding water hitting my back muscles to relax them slightly. I blow out a heavy breath as I step out, yanking back the curtains once I'm dried off and dressed, to see the sun beaming down on the trees opposite our house. The light filters through the branches, determined to find the soil below and feed the thriving vegetation that lines the boards of our huge house share. I’ve never been more grateful to be in an empty house, than when I drag myself downstairs and see a deserted kitchen. Aside from the half drank glass bottles of beer that are strewn across the island, there’s nothing and nobody in sight. A sigh of relief leaves my tightened lungs. I can’t be fucked to answer any questions this morning, and I know for a fact, that if any of my friends were here they’d be all, ‘Where are you going this early? When will you be home? Are you seeing anyone else yet?’

The last question is my least favourite and it’s become Nick’s go to whenever he sees me moping, wondering when I'm going to fuck someone else to get over Molly. His words not mine. I’ve considered just taking my depression and heartbreak out on him, every time he opens his stupid fucking mouth. But a warning glare from Sean often stops me in my tracks. The team needs Nick, and as much as I hate to admit it — even to myself — he can be a good friend when he wants to be, and an even better skater to have on the team. We can’t afford to lose him as a forward, but maybe we'd be ok if the only damage I did was to knock a few teeth out of his smug mouth.

I don’t make it to the track until 10 minutes before the race starts because I spent the entire morning pacing around the living room, my hands sunk deep into my hair, trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing by coming here today. Would Molly even want me here? Probably not, I might be the distraction that causes her to fail.

That’s the main reason I sneak into my seat, totally undetected and wearing a navy blue Redwood cap, pulled down over my eyes. When Molly finally appears from behind Mike, my heart doesn’t know whether to smash a hole in my chest and run to her, or to send all of the blood in my body directly between my legs, because my god. She’s wearing a deep purple coloured matching set, the lycra clinging to her curves and the delicate shape of her waist. Her bellybutton gem sparkles in the blinding sun, my gaze landing there instinctively as always. She looks like a breath of fresh air, a warm breeze on the perfect summer’s day, the streak of rainbow across the sky that catches your eye and makes your day insurmountably better just by existing. Her blonde braid looks brighter from the summer sun, her deep blue eyes flicker across the stands where I sit, nestled between two other university guys, who are muttering about who’s going to take the win. There’s no way she’ll spot me with my ingenious disguise and the way I sit so still I'm almost holding my breath. But when her gaze flutters over my seat, she pulls it back immediately, zooming in on me and her eyes widen in what can only be described as heart stopping shock. I’m not sure if she’s horrified to spot me watching her race today — like I'm some crazed stalker who won’t take the hint, when she literally told me to go and fuck someone else — or if she’s relieved to be within 200 feet of me, like I am her. I can feel her anxious energy from here. The way she wrings her hands together, the sweat likely dripping down the back of her neck right now, as she waits for Mike to announce that the race is about to start. But she holds my stare for a beat and my heart takes over my head before I can stop it, lifting my arm and throwing her a quick, yet hesitant wave. She hesitates too, glancing over her shoulder at Mike, before waving back at me, a tiny nervous smile etched onto her face. She’s breathtaking as always, but I think having not seen her in person for three weeks, only makes my heart beat quicker when I look at her now. I just wish I could see her face up close, get a glimpse of those light freckles that dance across her cheekbones. To see the way the sunshine hits her rosy skin and how the light accentuates the flecks of ocean blue, that lay threaded through the deep, stormy colour of her eyes. The whistle breaks the stare we’ve unknowingly been participating in, the two of us lost in our own tangled thoughts. And when Molly gets into position to start the race, my brain can only focus on one thing, reminding me how fucking proud I am of her. No matter what happens today, whether she wins or not, whether she qualifies or not, none of it matters to me. I know it will matter to Molly though, it would crush her not to qualify and be able to compete for Redwood, a team she’s so proud to be a part of. It would break her heart to disappoint Mike too, she’s by far the best runner on this team, but with great accomplishment like that comes a huge amount of pressure to continue to succeed too. Molly is brilliant at keeping her mask of strength from slipping, but I know her, probably better than she knows herself and I can see in the way her gaze shifts between her foot and the track ahead, how fucking terrified she is right now.

The whistle blows less than a second later and I watch my girl fly ahead immediately, taking huge strides and moving at a speed my eyes can barely keep up with. I’ve seen her run before, but Jesus Christ I didn’t know it was even possible for a human being to move through the air with such precision. It’s like she’s floating just above the ground and her feet are only skimming off it. Molly powers ahead, the crowd around me standing up from their seats and yelling a multitude of supportive shrieks and cheers for my girl, as she propels towards the finish line. One of her teammates is right on her tail though, and for a moment I see her speed drop. A power cut in her body, that almost immediately rights itself and she’s back to being a few paces ahead of her teammate. Before I can blink, she’s over the finish line, her face shining with pride, palms resting on her knees as she hauls her breath back into her tired lungs. A few of her teammates pull her into brief hugs, followed by muttered congratulations and pats to her back. But she seems to be barely listening or acknowledging any of them, because her eyes are pinned on mine. The unspoken words between us in that moment, mean more than either of us has ever had the courage to say out loud. The depth to her gaze is mesmerising and I can’t look away from her for even a second. When Mike steps into my line of vision and breaks the loving stare between Molly and I, I take the chance to get up from my seat to leave. I had no intention of staying behind today, even if Molly totally smashed her race and accomplished everything I always knew she was capable of. I don’t want to blow my own trumpet or anything, but maybe seeing me here supporting her, was the tiny push of motivation she needed to power her inner strength today. The ball is in her court in regards to our relationship, if there even is a relationship of any kind between us that is. I really have no idea where Molly’s head is at right now and there’s no way I'm asking her about it today, not after her euphoric, record breaking qualification for regionals. No, that would be selfish of me, I’ll let her bask in her glory today and think of nothing else but how god damn amazing of a runner she is.

As I skate out of the stadium, weaving through the crowd, I shoot Molly a brief text, the first one I’ve sent her in days.

Kyle:

‘You absolutely smashed it today Mol, I love you and I'm so proud of you.’

Molly

What the hell am I doing? Why am I still torturing us both like this? I can’t believe he showed up today, seeing his face moments before I started the most important race of my university life, definitely could have gone one of two ways. It could have totally thrown my already wobbly focus and caused me to totally flop, crushing any tiny smidgen of hope I still had at qualifying for regionals. But when he lifted his hand and gave me a nervous wave — the way he used to be when we first met and he could hardly string a full sentence together around me — I knew that him being here today was all the motivation I needed, to push myself past my usual limits.

The adrenaline is still thumping in my ears as I try to track him when he weaves through the crowd towards the exit, my teammates still buzzing around my ears like an annoying swarm of bees. I have to catch up to Kyle before he manages to escape and I loose my nerve about spilling my love all over him like I know I need to. I see a flash of blonde duck into a car and just as I find a break through the group of Redwood students who loiter around the parking lot, I hear his distinctive engine roar to life. I stumble over my feet and yell out for him, but his car is already turning the bend, out of sight and sound of my calls. Before I can change my mind and let the fear of rejection and abandonment fuel my every decision, I jog towards Lewis, who is tipping back a glass of frosty beer to his lips, as he chats to a group of first year hockey students.

I grab his elbow and he spins around to face me, stunned. “Lew, can you give me a lift please? Like right now?”

“Oh, hey Molly, congratulations, you were ama—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, I mean, thanks, I just—” I blow out a frustrated sigh and pinch the skin between my eyebrows. “I really need a lift, please.”

He peers at me over his pint glass, confusion etched onto his pale features. But after only a moment his mouth tips into a smile and he hands his glass to one of the freshman guys, leading me to his car. I jump into the passenger seat and cross one leg over the other, then swap them, then swap them again.

Ok, there’s a chance I may be nervous to talk to Kyle.

“So,” Lewis starts, planting both hands on the wheel with a soft smile. “Where are we headed?”

My nail finds my teeth fast and I pull my thick braid over one shoulder to shield my face. “Erm…your house,” I take a peek at Lewis and am greeted with an understanding expression as always, he’s so sweet all the damn time. “Please.” I add and he simply nods, putting the car into first gear and pulling out of the car park.

“Of course,” Lewis says, a chuckle slips from his lips before he continues. “He’ll be so happy to see you Mol, he’s missed you so much, it’s been annoying the shit out of us all to be honest.”

I laugh, really laugh, for the first time in three whole weeks. “I hope so, I'm done with this space between us, I fucking hate it.”

“He loves you, you know that don’t you?” Lewis’ voice is quieter now, a serious note overtaking the prior chirpy tone that he usually emits at all times. All I can do is smile softly at him because if I try to speak, to tell him that I know how much Kyle loves me and how that’s what’s making me feel so fucking awful about the way I’ve treated him, there’s a high possibility I may burst into tears. Kyle healed my heart entirely, a heart that he didn’t even break in the first place and yet, he continues to cradle it in his huge palms and nurse it back to health without ever expecting anything in return. When I next peak over at Lewis, he’s bobbing his head, humming under his breath in tune with whatever song is playing out of his car radio. He’s such a care free guy and I know he’s craving a relationship too, Callie has told me all about how his ex girlfriend screwed him over. I couldn’t imagine any girl fucking over a guy like Lewis, someone so patient and kind to everyone, no matter what the circumstances. He’s way too soft for someone like me, I’m sure I’d eat him alive. But I guess people can change, just like Kyle has, when we met he was pretty damn terrified of me and it showed. The way his shyness has moulded into an easy confidence over the months of knowing me, is like an unwavering presence in my life. Someone there at the bottom of the cliff, constantly waiting with open arms incase I fall and need to be caught. Not that he ever expects me to fall, even today when I was almost certain I wasn’t going to qualify, he was there, watching me, waiting just in case I needed him to catch me.

Fuck, I love him.

Chapter 35

Molly

The rest of the drive is silent. The ten minute journey out of campus grounds and down the winding country lanes towards Kyle’s house, seems to drag on for an eternity, even though in reality, it probably takes us no more than ten minutes to reach the driveway. My heart is thundering in my chest, as I unclip my seatbelt and slide out of Lewis’ car on shaky legs. I duck my head into the passenger side window. “Thanks Lew, I appreciate this.”

“Not as much as I do,” he laughs, “I'm just glad the season of moping will be over for poor Ky in the next five minutes, because I for one can’t take another day of it.”

I try to swallow the hearty chuckle that climbs up my throat, but a tiny titter slips out anyway, before I take each wobbly stride towards the front door, past Kyle’s parked car. I don't know if that was a genuine laugh or a nervous one, but as my feet involuntarily drag, with each step closer I get to the front door I'm starting to think it’s the latter. I lift a fist to the wood and tap lightly. I guess I'm half hoping he won’t hear me and I can run away, hiding in the trees that line the huge property. But much to my dismay, the lock clicks and I feel my throat close up the second Kyle’s melancholy expression peers around the half open door. The look of crushing pain in his usually bright blue eyes is suffocating me. But when the realisation that it’s me standing on the door step hits him, the wash of utter fucking relief cuts me even deeper. This man has been missing me, pining after me for three weeks, exactly like I have been for him. And all I’ve done is cause us both insurmountable emotional pain, without so much of an afterthought about the damage I'm doing to him and to myself.

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