Page 45 of The Promise

Chapter 32

Kyle

“Mol?” Silence. “Molly? Are you there? Can you hear me?”

She sniffs quietly, then finally, I hear her voice, for the first time in nine days. “Hey Ky,”

My heart drums loudly in my ears, sweat trickling down the back of my neck as I blow out a breath of pure fucking relief. “My god, I…I’ve missed you so much Mol, can I come over? Can I see you? I—”

“Kyle, stop.” She says, a hard tone to her voice, the wobble of sadness still floating underneath the unfamiliar coldness. “I didn’t answer your call because I want to see you.” My heart albeit stops in it’s tracks, my ribs cracking against it and making me feel like I can’t breathe.

“Oh…I don’t, I'm just…” I pinch the scrunch between my eyebrows, the throbbing headache growing intensely. She answers my call, but tells me she doesn’t want to see me? I’m more confused than ever.

“Ky, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be harsh.” She inhales deeply and there’s a heavy silence between us for a moment, as I wait for her to continue. It feels like there’s something hanging off the tip of her tongue, something she wants to say, but quickly swallows.

“Mol, come on, just,” I let my head fall into my hands, choosing my next words carefully. “Please come back to me.”

A squeak comes through the speaker, followed by the watery gulp of tears. “I’m sorry Ky, I just can’t do this. I think—” she halts her next words, like she’s wondering whether she should say them. “I think we should see other people and try to move on from whatever this is between us.” My heart beats so hard I can’t hear anything else other than my own blood pumping. “Whatever this is?” I say, the fiery volcano bubbling inside the pit of my stomach at her words. How can she say that? “Molly, I'm fucking in love with you!” My voice rises to a yell that I immediately regret, but the hurt that stabs at me can’t be ignored. I lower my tone, feeling guilty for yelling at her, but being unable to hide how broken I am inside. “How can you be so cold about it?”

“I told you, I can’t do love, it just complicates things and I don’t need it fucking up my life.”

I sigh, letting one tiny trickle of moisture trail down my cheek. “I won’t fuck up your life baby, just please give me a chance to show you.” Molly’s voice is tight and I know she’s trying to hold back her own tears. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Mol—” I try to stop her before she hangs up, but the call dies in my hand and my heart pretty much dies with it.

When she picked up that call, my mind flew to the conclusion that she had changed her mind, that she wanted me and that the time she’d had to think had made it clear to her that I can be what she needs. But obviously I was way off the fucking mark, she sounds even more determined to keep me at arms length than she did when she walked out of my bedroom almost two weeks ago.

Fuck me, I wish I could just chug a bottle of vodka. But I can’t, I have an important game tomorrow and I have to focus. I’ve let my team down too many times lately, because of the gap in my chest where my heart was. I refuse to drag my friends and teammates down into this pit of despair with me, it’s not fair on them. They’ve tried hard to take my mind off it too, but of course, it doesn’t work. Molly is all I think about, every second of every day, no matter how hard I try to distract myself from every detail of her, I can’t. She’s warped my mind into a fucking love sick puppy and I don’t know whether to revel in it, or despise it. Being in love with her is like some sort of drug that I can’t get away from, she lights up my life and makes me see every aspect of it through rose tinted lenses. As much as she continues to push me away and try to hurt me with her words, I know she doesn’t mean it and I'm not planning on giving up on her anytime soon. Her suggestion that we should move on and see other people did stab at me particularly hard though. Even the image of any other guy’s hands on her, makes me sick to my stomach and if she thinks I'm going to let her fuck some other guy, she’s even crazier than I thought.

“Just pass me the damn puck, you fucking airhead.” I holler across the ice, as Nick continues to play games with me. This morning isn’t going my way at all. My usual game day ritual of eating exactly 200 grams of cheerios went tits up, when the bag split and the kitchen floor was instantly filled with a wide scattering of sugary hoops. My brain immediately told me today’s game was going to be shit, before I even got to the rink for morning skate. Nick has then made my life a living hell since I got here, luckily Sean is always hovering to put him back in his place, like the excellent team captain that he is. When Nick continues acting like a shrivelled up little dick, refusing to pass the puck to me from the other end of the ice, Sean flys into him at full speed, sending Nick to the floor with a crash. His face is thunderous when he yanks his helmet off, arms in the air. “What the fuck was that Taylor? I was only messing with him.”

Sean points his stick at Nick’s irate expression. “Well, don’t. He needs to focus and you fucking with his head is doing the opposite, just try not to be such a fucking arsehole for once.”

Nick huffs and mumbles something I can’t hear because of the distance between us, but whatever it is makes Sean’s face widen into a shit eating grin. He skates over to me and the puck flys my way, before I snap out my stick to catch it, stopping it from hitting the back of my net.

“You’re a fucking saint, thanks for making him back off.” I say, smashing the puck back across the rink to Lewis, while Sean leans an elbow against my post. “I’m really not in the mood for his shit today and I need to be in the right head space before the game tonight.”

“Damn right you do,” Sean slaps a fleeting hand to my shoulder, before readjusting his gloves. “I’m proud of you though man, you’re handling this pretty well.”

My chin drops to my chest, an instinctive swell of moisture occurring in my eyes. “I’m not though, am I? I just can’t stop thinking about her. No matter what I do, she’s always there in my mind, pulling my focus away from whatever I'm trying to distract myself with.” I pull my helmet over my head and run a shaky hand through my sweat soaked hair. “I just…I don’t know what to do to make her see.”

“I've been there Ky. I remember how it felt when I was trying so damn hard to prove to Callie that I was serious about her, that I wouldn’t break her heart. But she just wasn’t ready to hear it, to believe it and take the leap.” “How did you do it?” I glance up at my best friend, who’s eyebrows are drawn together. “How did you make Callie fall in love with you?” Sean’s features soften and he lifts his shoulders in a shrug. “I didn’t make her, she just did.”

I blow out an exasperated puff. “Yeah, but I need to know how because I need Molly to love me. I can’t fucking stand this distance shit between us and maybe if she felt the way I do, she’d see that a relationship between us can work.”

Sean’s dimples sink deep into his cheeks, as his face melts into a knowing smile. “I don’t think you need to worry about her not loving you,” he grins at me, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. “She loves you, trust me.” My stomach flips at his expression, like he has a secret hiding behind the smile he wears and I'm fucking dying to be in on it. How can Sean possibly read Molly better than I can? If I'm unsure of her feelings towards me, how deep they go and how tight her heartstrings are attached to mine, then how can Sean be so certain?

“How do you know?” I ask tentatively, wanting so desperately to hear his answer, but feeling equally terrified incase it’s an answer I don’t particularly want.

Sean breathes a heavy sigh and his caramel orbs brighten, as he holds my anxious gaze. “Put it this way,” he whispers, leaning closer and checking over his shoulder for any nosey fuckers listening in, which only makes my stomach do another backflip at what he’s about to say. “When she ended her little arrangement with Ollie, she was pretty upset yeah,” his hand squeezes my shoulder for a beat and my heart kicks up a notch. “But with you, she’s cried almost nonstop for ten days.” Sean’s soft eyes find mine and I almost throw up from the realisation that I’ve been so fucking stupid. “She loves you Ky, she’s just fucking terrified to give herself to you.” My chest feels like it’s caving in on itself, imploding so that my ribs crush what’s left of my already battered heart and the thrumming in my ears only serves to make me more nauseous. How can I have been so damn clueless these past two weeks? Molly is in love with me, that’s why she’s so torn up about this space between us. She’s running from me because she’s scared, scared to hand her heart to me and let me potentially destroy it. But what she’s failing to see right now, is that nothing could hurt her heart more than what’s currently going on between us. This space, this separation that’s tearing us both apart piece by piece because of sheer tormenting fear that’s holding her captive. I need to show her that I'm here, no matter what and I'm not going to give up on her, even when she’s terrified to let me in. Oh shit, I've got it. I should go to her regional qualifiers, be there in the crowd, supporting her when she needs me, show her how she comes first for me and always will. It will mean missing an important game against Preston, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get my girl back. My team will likely want to strangle me, but I know Sean will have my back. He knows what it's like to be so in love with someone, you’d happily give up both of your legs to make them happy. Plus, it will give Cillian a chance to prove himself in goal. The poor guy’s been waiting for his chance to shine and probably crouching by his bed at night, praying I catch the flu or something so he can step into my shoes. Well, now is his chance, as I won’t be at the game next weekend. Instead I’ll be on the other side of campus, watching my sunshine girl wipe the floor with all the other sprinters. I just hope she's been able to focus on her training a hell of a lot more than I have since we last saw each other. I believe in her so much, have so much faith in her, but if she’s feeling anything like me right now, she’ll have been shrivelled up under her duvet for the past two weeks, not wanting to do anything but numb the aching pain in her chest.

I slip off the ice undetected to grab my phone from my locker, there’s one person I need to call and she answers on the first ring.

“What do you want now? I already told you, the baby is still in my fucking womb and will be for the next two months at least!” Callie spits down the phone at me and for a moment I wonder what the fuck I’ve done to piss her off so bad. Then I hear a jagged inhale, a beat of silence, followed by a gasp and a slap of her hand over her mouth.

“Shit Ky, I'm so sorry. I thought you were Lois calling me for the twelfth time today, and I swear, if that girl asks me one more time how long is left of this pregnancy, I’ll send Sean over to her dorm with a roll of masking tape to seal her mouth shut.”

I breathe a light laugh, letting my heart feel a smidge of happiness for just a second. “No worries Cal. I was wondering how I’d managed to piss you off so bad, having not seen you for a couple of weeks. But I know you’re kind of hormonal right now, so there’s always a possibility I annoyed you without even being near you.”

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