Page 43 of The Promise

“Shit,” Sean breathes quietly, taking two huge strides towards me and pulling me into a strong hug. “What the fuck happened? Molly just ran downstairs in tears.”

The glass crunches under our feet, as I let my body relax into him, his arms circling my shoulders and holding my shuddering body upright. Just hearing her name is like a knife, plunging deep into my already throbbing heart.

“She said she can’t do this anymore,” I blubber into his shoulder. After a moment, I pull out of his embrace and scrub both hands across my tear streaked face, trying to squash anymore down before they escape. Sean’s confusion is clear, but if he only knew the depth of mine and Molly’s relationship, he wouldn’t be confused at all. He would have even expecting this, just like I have been for months.

“Why not? You guys have been hooking up for like, five months or something now.”

“Six, actually.” I sigh heavily, sitting down on the edge of my mattress. “I asked her to be my girlfriend,” I smack a hand to my forehead, letting my chin drop to my chest in despair. “She said she’s still not ready for a serious relationship. Then I told her that I—” I peer up at Sean, who’s leaning against my dresser, arms folded, eyebrows scrunched as he waits. “I told her that I love her.” His hazel eyes widen, lips parting a little. “But she left anyway.” I force a heavy gulp, refusing to let any more tears fall down my cheeks.

“Jesus,” Sean huffs, scratching at his stubbly jaw, his eyes lifting to mine sympathetically. “Come on, let’s get you a drink.”

I’m pretty much drunk out of my face for the next three days solid, calling Molly every twenty-seconds and getting her voicemail each time. Nick has been fully on board with the constant drunkenness and vomiting our guts into the toilet bowl each night. But by day four, I don’t think my liver can take anymore, before exploding and taking the rest of me with it. I have no fucking idea what the time is, as I haven’t slept since Molly left me, tossing and turning like a hog roast every night. But when I peel my aching eyes open to see the stream of hot sunlight burning a hole in my floor, I sit up straight, grabbing my phone from the side table like I have for the last four mornings.

Nothing.

I groan and my head lands back on the pillow. “Fuck, why won’t she answer my calls?”

I know she’s shitting herself right now, trying to decipher her feelings and work out what she wants, but the silent treatment she’s gracing me with is downright torture. I just want to hear her voice, the way she laughs and the smirk that spreads across her face, making itself known even over the phone when I can’t see her.

Jesus, I don’t think I’ve ever missed anyone this much.

I search for her name anyway, even though I know what to expect now after four days of her ignoring me. The phone rings out, once, twice, three times and I wait for the robotic message telling me I’ve reached her voicemail, but it doesn’t come. Instead, she answers and silence hangs between us, the only noise being the thumping of my heartbeat in my ears.

“Baby? Are you there?” I murmur, squashing the phone so hard against my ear it might burn a hole in it. She doesn’t respond, but I can hear her breathing. A tiny muffled sniffle comes through the receiver, before she hangs up and my heart breaks all over again. I smush my face into my pillow and bellow deep in my chest, a rumbled growl climbing up my throat and sinking into the pillow.

I’m not mad at her, let me make that clear. I'm just fucking mad at this whole situation, why can’t things just be simple? I’m just hurting more than anything and I need the pain to dissipate, but it won’t, no matter how much booze I tip down my throat to numb it, it’s always only temporary. The only thing that can make the pain disappear is her and she won’t even talk to me. I decided after two days to go over to her dorm and try forcing her to talk to me — not that I would get anywhere trying to force her to do anything, she’d just pull away even more. Sean didn’t let me leave anyway, he quickly dragged my drunken self back inside the house by my collar. He wouldn’t let me make the mistake of going over there drunk, he says I need to give her the space she obviously wants and respect the boundary she’s putting in place. Which is rich from him, when he threw himself at Callie when they met, even though she made it clear she wasn’t interested in his cocky smile and fuck boy ways. But he’s my best friend and I’m so fucking grateful that he stopped me from going to her dorm, drunk and not thinking straight.

I’m going to training today, after telling Coach I’ve been sick for the last three days. I can’t use that excuse any longer and I need to get back on the ice. I’m hoping it will give me something to focus on, rather than every tiny detail of my favourite girl, the honey freckles, the tapered waist and pouty lips, everything about her that I love.

Which is basically every single little thing.

I drag myself out of bed, the one I haven’t made in four days and definitely won’t be making now. Making my bed and cleaning my bedroom makes it feel like my life is normal right now, which is isn’t. Life without Molly will never be my normal, I don't want it to be.

My bare feet pad across the laminate to my bathroom, before I hop into the shower and lazily wash myself, letting the scalding water soothe my muscles before training today.

When I eventually haul my tired body onto the ice, my head starts to spin immediately from the heavy three day drinking session I had with Nick. You wouldn’t know he was involved at all though, with the way he flies across the ice right now, weaving in and out of our teammates during warmups. I just need to focus on keeping my head firmly on my shoulders today, I won’t be on top of my game and I wish I could force myself to give a shit. But my ability to care about anything other than trying to get Molly back, is lacking substantially.

A heavy hand on the back of my helmet jolts me back to reality. “Ky, you ok to be here man? You seem kind of out of it.” Sean mutters, as he whips around the back of my goal and comes to face me, eye’s deep with concern as he scans my face.

I pull my helmet off for a moment, raking a hand through my hair. “I mean, no, I probably shouldn’t be here. I haven’t slept for days, but I need the distraction.”

“Ok,” Sean nods sympathetically, dropping a brief pat to my shoulder. “If you want to leave early though just let me know, I’ll deal with Coach.” I throw him a grateful nod, before shoving my helmet back over my head and trying to zone in on the puck, as it moves between Lewis and Mac. I need to find a focus today, to get my head back on track and remember why I came to Redwood in the first place. My grandad paid for me to come here before he died and he’d be disappointed in me right now. I didn’t come here to fall in love and even though my heart is shattered right now, I need to try and find my path again. If I have to go through the rest of my life without Molly, without my sunshine, then I will, even if it means walking through the darkness forever.

When training is over, I practically sprint off the ice and into the locker room, pulling my phone from the pocket of the coat, that’s crammed into my locker. I managed to pull back some of the focus I usually have, catching about half of the pucks that were frisbeed at my head by a very amused Nick, before Coach called it and let us leave.

There’s no message from Molly when I check my phone and the disappointment stings in the pit of my stomach as usual, but there is a text from Callie.

Callie:

‘Hey Ky, I know you’re probably hurting right now. Sean told me how hard you’ve taken this, but I just wanted you to know that Molly is struggling without you too. She’s trying to be strong, but I know her and I know when her heart is broken. I hope she comes around and you two can work things out. I am Molly’s best friend and I have to be there for her, but I consider you a friend too, so if you ever want to talk, I'm here.’

Chapter 31

Molly

I’m not ok.

It was my decision to end things with Kyle, to walk out after he told me he loved me, so I should be fine now right? It’s been a week since I’ve seen his face in real life. Of course, his soft smile lives in my head rent free, along with his bright blue eyes and prickly jawline. They continue to pop up almost every five minutes, to remind my heart how fucking shattered it is without him. I miss him, so fucking much I'm almost at my breaking point, but I have to stay strong and protect myself from any more pain. If I give myself to him like he wants, I’ll never be able to take that back, never be able to get the shards of my heart back if he ever changes his mind about me. I’d be giving up a part of myself for him and I don’t think I can do that. I don’t know if I'll ever be ready to give myself up, but the aching pain that punishes my heart and everything it’s feeling, doesn’t want to let up, even after a solid week of no contact with him. I don’t know what else to do, I don’t know how to get over him…I don’t fucking want to get over him, but I know I need to try.

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