Page 23 of The Promise

My best friend is having a baby, a fucking baby and I can’t even remember to brush my hair every morning, let alone keep a tiny human being alive. She’s fucking crazy, but I know she’ll be a great mum.

A tiny bit of me wonders if this is her way of filling the gap in her heart that her mum left when she passed away last year. Either way, I'm happy for them both, even though I still think they’re fucking nuts.

Kyle went downstairs about ten minutes ago, leaving me in his bedroom surrounded by three outfits that I can’t decide between for tonight. The party is already in full swing down there, the beat rocking the foundation of this huge, old house and making my body vibrate with the desire to get totally wasted. But I can’t. Mike has been like a torpedo lately, blasting my poor knees into outer space with early morning training sessions and extra practice time. He’s determined to help me qualify for the regional competition that will take place at the end of this year, and as much as I appreciate his dedication to me, I could really do with a fucking break. I blow out a sigh and twist in the mirror, pinching at the silver lines that meander up my hips and bum, wishing they’d disappear. I always get extra critical of myself when I'm on my period, which decided to grace me with it’s presence half an hour ago. Luckily Kyle was able to rail me into his mattress before she arrived. The purple circles are also scattered all over my body, but those are marks I like to see. One on each butt cheek, one on each swell of my breasts and a trail of them up each side of my bellybutton. I grab the white outfit from the bed, pulling it over my head and yanking at the tight dress, wiggling it over my hips and ass. I know I'm trying my luck by wearing white whilst on my period, but I'm in a ‘don't give a shit’ mood today. That’s probably also thanks to mother nature herself, who has sent my hormones raging. I tug at the neckline, making sure to expose the perfect amount of cleavage to make Kyle's eyes gape. It's kind of weird that he’s the only person who’s eyes I look for when I enter the room now. Desperate to watch him gulp and scratch the back of his neck as he does, until his gaze moves up my body to land on my face. That’s when his ocean eyes always soften and a coy smile hoists the corners of his lips up into one of those blinding, toothy grins that makes my heart jump.

As I make my way down the stairs, my chest tightens uncomfortably and I can’t for the life of me work out why. I feel like I'm nervous, but I don’t know what’s causing it. Until I see Kyle watching me from the kitchen and the butterflies erupt in my stomach. The sickening wave of nerves calms under their incessant flapping as he walks towards me, eyes coasting over my body as always.

He places his hands gently on my waist. “Wow,”

“I know.” I wink and glance over his shoulder to see Callie waving at me. She holds some sort of fizzy, pink shit in her hand as she sits with Lois and Anais on one of the many mismatched chairs that the boys bring out for parties. Kyle says something quietly in my ear, but I don't hear him. I'm too busy launching an eyebrow wiggle at Lois, as she makes blowjob gestures at me behind Kyle’s back. I feel Kyle's hands tighten around my waist and I break my teasing gaze with Lois, bringing my eyes back to him. “Sorry, what did you say?” I murmur, my eyes bouncing off his lips as they part on a breathy sigh.

“I said, you’re so beautiful.”

“Oh,” I smile, running a finger down his jaw. “Thank you, I did put a lot of effort into this outfit.”

I didn’t, I literally yanked it over my ass and the job was done. He shakes his head, raking a hand through my waves and bracketing my jaw. “No, you’re not listening Barbie.” That fucking nickname again, I wish it wasn’t so endearing, but it is. “I said you’re beautiful, not your outfit or your makeup or hair. Those are great too, but…” his eyes trap mine for a beat and I feel like I can’t breathe waiting for his next words. “You’re beautiful all the time, especially when you wake up in the morning and your hair is wild.” We both huff a light laugh as he continues, “when your freckles are showing because there’s no makeup covering them and I'm the only one who ever gets close enough to your face to see them,” he plants a kiss on the bride of my nose, “and kiss them,” he kisses the apple of my cheek, “and those sleepy smiles I get to see in the morning, I fucking love those smiles.” He lifts his face from mine and we stare at each other for a long moment, as I try to find the words that have scattered mindlessly throughout my brain. His words were so simple and yet they held such heavy meaning, a meaning I’ve been totally avoiding acknowledging for weeks now. I’m not stupid, I’ve been through this before, when a guy starts to develop feelings for me and I have to cut ties before it gets any worse. But usually I don’t give a shit about ending it with a guy and moving onto the next one, this is different though. The thought of ending it with Kyle makes my knees wobble. Not seeing his face when I wake up, not feeling his fingers trail up my back when he thinks I'm still sleeping, not having him worship my body like it's the best thing he’s ever seen. All of those things are causing a tiny tear to congregate in the corner of my eye right now. But with Kyle's confused gaze staring down at me, I just swipe it away and plaster on a smile for him.

“Come on, let’s get a drink.” I say, weaving my fingers through his and dragging him across the room behind me. His hand is a little tenser than usual as I hold it and I know his mind is swimming too, maybe with the possibility of where this thing between us might go. But I can tell him right now, as much as I like him — and I really fucking do, more than I’ve ever liked a guy before — this still isn’t ever going to go past sex for me. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted a guy like I do Kyle either, but giving my heart to someone is just not something I'm willing to ever do. Not after the people who were supposed to love me the most in the world, abandoned me without a second thought. They’re the reason I'm like this, my biological parents have left me with nothing but trauma and the inability to trust any man fully enough to give myself over to them. I give my head a shake, like I can rid the thoughts from my mind that easily and I can feel Kyle watching me like a hawk.

He comes around me, pouring a pitcher of strawberry woohoo into a tall glass and handing it over to me. “Here baby, go crazy.”

“Thanks,” I take the glass from him and take a large mouthful, feeling the weight of anxiety lift from my shoulders as the alcohol burns my throat. Kyle pulls out his phone, his eyes immediately creasing with worry. “What’s up?” I say, the anxious sloshing back instantly at seeing the deep crevice between his brows.

He pockets his phone with a shake of his head and a forced smile. “Just my mum texting me, nothing to worry about.”

Sure seems like there’s something he’s worrying about, the way his face pales a little and I spy the tiny gulp of worry that he tries to hide from me. I snake an arm around him, pressing up onto my toes and landing a soft kiss on his lips. I feel him relax the moment our lips touch, his warm breath fanning against my tongue as I let him inside my mouth. I pull away after a moment, eager to go and check on my best friend. So I drop one more light kiss to his jaw and saunter away, knowing his eyes are following me all the way across the room.

“Does Lois know she's going to be an auntie?” I taunt and Callie greets me with an eye roll. The two of us have been sitting in the same position for hours now, on the worn out couch in the boys living room, whilst everyone around us gets more and more drunk. I switched to non alcoholic about an hour ago, luckily not having Callie ply me with alcohol now she’s pregnant means I won’t wake up tomorrow with another hangover from hell. “Yes,” Callie hisses, leaning closer to me, even though the house is pumping from the loud music and no one within a mile would be able to hear our conversation. “I told her this afternoon after you figured it out. She practically tackled me to the floor and Sean had to pull her off me.” “So, she’s excited then?” I snicker, watching Lois shake her killer hips with Anais on the dance floor.

“Uh huh, I haven’t told Anais yet though. Only Kyle and Lewis are in the know.” She dips her face closer to mine again, fruity breath in my ear. “I’m kind of scared to tell my dad too, he’s going to be mad.”

I sit up straight, the crease between my brows deepening. “Why would he be mad? Surely he’ll be happy for you?”

Callie’s eyes soften, dropping into her lap. “No, he won’t be happy for us. I barely speak to him now my mum’s gone,” she shrugs, “it’s like…I don’t know, it’s like we don’t know each other anymore. Not that we ever really did.” She takes the rest of her drink into her mouth, swallowing hard and getting up from the sofa. “I’m going to get Sean to take me home, this baby is draining the light out of my soul right now.”

A laugh rumbles up my throat. “It’s like a parasite is living inside you, eating you from the inside out.”

“Don’t call my baby a parasite!” She swats at me and I yank her into a hug, swaying us from side to side and I spot Sean watching us from the kitchen. His smile is so loving and I just know he’s the guy to take care of Callie for the rest of her life. He’s tried to persuade her to marry him, but she won’t budge, insisting she's too young right now. Ha, too young to get married but not too young to reproduce? That girl is crazy, but I couldn’t love her anymore.

I eventually let her leave and fall down with a sigh onto the couch again, this time wedging myself between Lois and Anais.

“Hey,” Lois whispers into my ear, “do you know my brother is having a baby?”

I turn to her, making sure to block Anais out of earshot. “Really? I didn’t know he had a vagina.”

Lois scoffs and graces me with a prolonged roll of her hazel eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do and I'm very excited for all of you.”

Lois tips her head towards me, hand cupping her mouth. “It’s a secret though right? Like, I'm not supposed to tell anyone?” She giggles and I can suddenly hear the slur in her voice. The girl is so far past drunk she’s on the train to hangover-ville already and it’s not even 11pm. I'm worried she's going to slip up and accidentally announce Callie’s pregnancy to the entire room.

“Hey, Nay,” I turn to Anais, her head resting on my shoulder. “Can you call Sean and ask him to pick Lois up please? She’s ready to go home.” “What? No, whyyyy?” Lois grumbles beside me like a petulant child. “Because, you’re very drunk and it’s,” I look at my invisible watch, “nearly 6am.”

It's not. Like I said, it’s not even 11pm yet, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“Oh shit, really?” Lois jumps up, almost knocking her drink all over the three of us. “I do need to get home then, I have training in three hours.” “Yes, good idea,” I gesture to Anais, who groans and pins the phone to her ear. She calls Sean to come and get his little sister and her out of control mouth while he’s at it.

Anais drags Lois towards the front door, flipping me the bird as Lois throws me a drunken wave, before she disappears out of the house. A hot breath dances against the back of my neck. “Let’s go beautiful, upstairs.”

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