Page 166 of The Pucking Wrong Man

Ari: Children. I SCORED A FUCKING GOAL TONIGHT.

Walker: Good boy?

Ari: Sorry, Disney, that’s your kink, not mine.

Logan: Can I point out that Lincoln scored two…

Ari: Can I point out that you didn’t score one?

Ari Lancaster removed Logan York from the chat.

I could literally picture the steam coming out of Ari’s ears right then.

Wish I had a picture. Maybe I could get one.

Me: Could you, by chance, have Blake take a picture of you right now?

Ari: First, Hero, you’re so far out of the circle of trust right now, I can’t even see you. Also, my wife’s name is never allowed to come out of your mouth or your keyboard. I’m pretty sure we’ve gone over this. Second, Disney, Lincoln always scores. I scored a goal and defended your ass all fucking night. I got dick punched by Donovan at some point. You know what that would have done to Blake if there was permanent injury to her favorite part of my body.

Linc: Technically, Camden is beating you this year in goals scored.

Ari: Technically, you’ve been officially replaced as my best friend by Geraldine, but we aren’t talking about that.

Linc: ...

Walker: Ari Lancaster, you are a god among hockey players. All hail you.

Ari: Thank you. That was the proper response to my magnificent performance tonight.

Linc: I think he was being sarcastic.

Me: Only because I need Ari to help me, I’m going to say Disney meant that text from the bottom of his heart.

Ari: Your offering is accepted.

Ari: Hero, if this one involves dogs, I’m out.

Walker: What about cats?

Me: Can we focus, please?

Me: I need a replacement dancer person...who is not an asshole. Oh, and he has to be one of the best and able to dance with Anastasia’s Company for her Showcase.

Whoops. I’d missed the most important requirement for this unicorn of a dancer.

Me: Just a small thing really, but he also has to be gay.

Linc: ...

Ari: Anything else? And just in case you can’t sense the sarcasm in my text, because sometimes that’s hard for you in person—I was being sarcastic.

Me: Can you help me?

Linc: Why do you need this?

Me: Anastasia has a problem. The principal she’s dancing with...is an asshole.

Linc: Should we just kill him instead?

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