Page 63 of A Little More Hope

What the hell? Huffing, I let the words sink in, trying to decipher what he meant, running over my last moments with Ash, seeing nothing new, nothing I could have done to change the outcome. I scanned through all our interactions, analyzing each one until I had my lightning-bolt moment.

“There we go,” Gabe snarked.

For some reason I’d gotten it in my head Ash hadn’t done enough to earn my trust, so I’d never given him all of mine either. Each time he’d opened up or gone out of his way to make my life easier, I’d retreated further, unable to believe he wasn’t being so kind and caring for other more selfish and nefarious reasons like all the other people. Ash’s trust had always remained, always freely given, and I’d pushed that trust away and in turn pushed him away.

Gabe was right. I’m the one who’d left as, deep down on a subconscious level, I did trust him but wasn’t in any way prepared for how to cope with the consequences. I hadn’t wanted to believe my feelings because of how badly I’d been disabused of the concept since Lindsay’s affair and my assault.

I’d never let Ash in, so in the end, he’d taken the only logical course of action for him to protect his heart, and as Gabe had so eloquently put it, dumped my sorry ass.

“Shit,” I swore.

“Indeed.”

I stood and faced him. “When did you get so smart?”

“I’ve always been smart, asshat, but what can I say…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I patted his shoulder a few times. “It’s a gift.”

He chuckled and pulled me into a hug. I gripped him and squeezed tight, hoping to convey all my thanks and appreciation and love with this one gesture.

Separating, he put on his cheesiest grin and pronounced in the worst accent I’d ever heard, “Now go work out how to git your man.”

I rolled my eyes, but his words found their way home. I had to go get my man.

Chapter Twenty

Ash

After my sobbing fit, I gave myself a damn good shake and stood from the dusty wooden floor. I should have felt better after telling Mason to take a hike, letting him see I was worth far more than he was prepared to give.

So how come I didn’t? How come I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut and continued kicking me while I lay in a crumpled heap on the ground?

Surveying the room and thinking about the total mess of the whole house, my heart sank. Staying here wasn’t an option, even if I wanted to. Plus, the beds were in bits in the garage and the old mattresses were long gone. Retrieving my phone from my bag, I dialed the one friend always there for me when I needed him. Sawyer.

His side rang for a while until he eventually picked up. “Hey, buddy.”

I tried for bright and breezy. “Hey,” I replied, but the slight crack in my voice must have given me away.

“Are you okay?” When I didn’t answer, he asked, “What’s wrong? You’re not hurt, are you?”

Not unless you count a broken heart as hurt, no. I caved. “Mason.”

To his credit, he didn’t lecture me or give me the third degree. “I’ll be finished up here in the next half hour. Go straight to my trailer, and I’ll meet you there.”

“Would it, um, be okay if I stayed with you for a couple days?” Despite this being the reason I’d phoned him in the first place, I hated asking.

“Sure,” he replied not missing a beat. “I don’t have much, so bring whatever you need with you.”

“Thanks, Saw.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s only the couch, but it is nice and comfy.”

“Believe me, anything’s better than a dirty floor.”

A bell dinged a couple of times in the background. “I gotta go, okay? I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.” Feeling a tad better, and no longer like I had a heavy weight chained around my neck, I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. I had a fair distance to go as Sawyer lived on the far side of town closest to the forest, but the walk would do me good and might help me get my head in order.

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