Page 45 of A Little More Hope

“Is it serious?”

The chair creaked and his hand returned, fingertips stroking through my hair. “It shouldn’t be.”

“But?”

The fingers moved down my face, caressing along my jaw and down my neck, and I had to fight every instinct I had not to lean into his touch. “I’ve no clue.”

“Why not?”

“You don’t seem too surprised by this?” Mason asked, ignoring the question.

“After all that’s happened, I’m not surprised by anything you do. Don’t get me wrong, the situation caught me unaware, but am I surprised? No, not in the slightest.” Someone got up. Gabe, I presumed, as Mason’s hand remained on my face. When he spoke next, his voice sounded warm and kind and nothing like how he’d spoken to me. “You’ve been through a hell of a lot, and it’s understandable you’d question every aspect of your life. Maybe it’s about discovering another side of yourself you’d like to explore. God knows, the women you’ve dated so far have done nothing for you, so perhaps now’s the time to try something new.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

I wanted to know the answer to his question too.

“You’ve dated some amazing women. Smart, funny, and beautiful women. Lindsay was your fiancée, for Christ’s sake, and we were all happy for you. But…”

“But what, Gabe?” Mason’s voice had an edge I’d yet to hear directed at me.

“But,” he reiterated, “it always seemed you were on the outside of the relationship looking in with every one of them. As if they all missed some essential piece, some spark of passion. I don’t know. But this guy? I can already see the difference in you—the possessiveness, the need to protect. I’ve not seen that before, which makes me think he’s different too.” He laughed humorlessly. “I’m hardly the one to be talking about finding someone special. I had two someones and look how well that turned out.” He spoke with such bitterness I was taken aback, swiftly working out the Gabe I’d met probably wasn’t the real one at all and simply a mask he presented to the world. He acted like a totally convincing asshole to cover his feelings, but the bravado was all for show, a way to stop people getting too close. I softened the tiniest amount toward him as it became clear whatever had happened in his past continued to haunt him, and he’d yet to recover from the hurt left behind.

“Hmm, maybe,” Mason hedged.

“So?”

“So, what are you gonna do about Ash?” Gabe’s voice had moved to my right, so he must have walked around the bed. “You know he’s barely out of diapers, right?”

“Jesus Christ. Make me feel worse, why don’t you?”

What?

“Look at him, Gabe. He’s got his whole life ahead of him. He has a house and money, and he lives here, is gonna stay here. Why the hell would he want to be saddled with a nutjob like me?”

A snort. “Cut the crap for goodness’ sake, will you? You are not a nutjob. Well, okay, one or two screws are coming loose, but you’re almost certainly not a nutjob. You’re my best friend, and you wouldn’t be if I thought that about you. So what if you’re suffering a minor setback? Big deal. You’ll get over it.”

“Will I?” Mason asked, unsure and worried. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and hold him tight. “I’m barely holding myself together. Unless Ash is beside me, I can’t leave the house without having a panic attack. What kind of life could I offer him, shackled to me day and night.”

“You’re going outside?”

“Yeah, we went for a walk on the beach the other day.”

“You, taking a walk? Would you have done that alone?”

“Hell, no.”

“So he’s helping you heal, helping your recovery?”

Mason’s fingers were back in my hair. “I think he is.”

“So to answer your question,” Gabe stated gently, “yes, you will get over your problems, and by the sound of things, Ash will help. And as you improve and move on, why not take him with you and see where you end up?”

They both went quiet once more, and the time had come to let them know I was awake. Mason’s uncertainty about us made me nervous. I didn’t want to hear him voice his fears out loud while lying there in front of him pretending to be asleep. He’d been through a huge upheaval, and as we discussed last night, I didn’t want to be another complication. He deserved to recuperate in the best environment possible and with the least amount of stress. Besides, he wouldn’t be sticking around forever. He’d eventually return to his real life and leave me far behind. I might be better off pulling away before I got in too deep. Otherwise, when he leaves me—and he will leave—I’ll be the one who ends up getting hurt.

Shifting in the bed, I turned my head toward his voice and opened my eyes, squinting as the last rays of afternoon sun lit up the airy room. As my surroundings swam into focus, my gaze landed on Mason, his hair all over the place where he must have run his hands through it numerous times. His face held a pained expression, his eyes regretful, and his mouth drawn into a hard, tense line.

I tried to speak, but my throat had become too dry to work at all.

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