Page 31 of A Little More Hope

Yet the only image currently imprinted in my mind was the hurt so clear in Ash’s mossy eyes when I’d pulled away, and the wounded expression on his face when the bitterness of my words sank in.

I hadn’t meant them for him, those words. They were all aimed squarely at me. For being so dumb as to believe in fairy tales in the first place. My dreams had already been ripped from me once, so no way, no fucking way, would I allow my brain to think about having them again, only to let the same thing happen.

Add in what the attack had turned me into—this pathetic creature barely able to function—and there was no way I’d want to be tied to anyone, or for them to get dragged into the shit show my life had become, especially someone as sweet and gregarious as Ash.

The sound of Ash’s bedroom door softly clicking shut tripped my guilt switch even further. He was a good person, not a bad bone in his body, and a great friend to me, so he didn’t deserve how I’d treated him. I needed to apologize but I wasn’t sure I had the courage to face him after my blunt dismissal and rapid departure.

Pushing off the door I headed past the bed and into the bathroom. Once there, flicking on the light, I stared into the mirror, hands resting on the vanity, closely studying my reflection. My skin, which used to be sickly and pale, had turned to a light golden color from my time sitting in the sun. I looked refreshed. Healthier. Better. Tilting my head to the side, I lightly brushed my temple and noted the remnants of my bruising, all but healed. The biggest improvement was the absence of the dark circles under my eyes I’d gotten used to seeing all the time. They’d almost disappeared, and I finally saw the return of my old self, the one person I’d thought gone forever.

Unerringly my thoughts returned to Ash and his role in my appearance.

He didn’t deserve the way I’d treated him after he’d done so much for me since we’d met. Dropping my head in defeat, I knew I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to say I was sorry, so steeling my resolve, I gave in to my inner voice that told me to make amends. Making my way back through the bedroom, I opened my door, crossed the hallway and knocking lightly a couple of times on his. The muted sound of water running had me guessing he was in the bathroom and instantly sent my pulse racing as the memory of seeing him naked returned.

His ass. Why was I so fascinated with his ass?

I knocked again, harder to ensure he’d hear me this time, and he opened the door wearing a pair of sleep shorts and nothing else. My brain short-circuited for a moment as all the words stuck in my throat, and it took all the strength I had to force my eyes to stay above his neck and keep my gaze determinedly fixed on his face.

“Mase?” he said warily.

My palms had gone sweaty, and I tried to speak, but the words got stuck behind the huge boulder currently lodged in my throat. Just saying I’m sorry wouldn’t cut it, and certainly wouldn’t go anywhere near to describing the tumult of emotions swirling in my mind our earlier conversation had evoked.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to speak. “I came to say I’m sorry,” I said, wanting to be instantly clear and figuring I had to start somewhere, to say something to break the awkwardness hanging between us. “I shouldn’t have spoken so tersely to you earlier or left things the way I did.”

He did a quick double take, unsure of my apology, but quickly recovered. “It’s okay. We’re all good. Honest. I shouldn’t have pried in the first place.”

He was being far too generous as usual, and far too quick to let me off the hook. But I didn’t want to be forgiven so easily. I’d been an ass and wanted him to know it.

“No, it’s not good. I shouldn’t have treated you so dismissively when you were only being kind.”

He shook his head. “I wasn’t being kind; I was being truthful. I want the best life for you, Mason, so would love for your dreams to become a reality. Just because things didn’t work out with your fiancée, doesn’t mean they won’t work out with someone else.”

His eyes clouded over for a second when he finished, and I thought I saw a flash of pain in their depths, but then he blinked and gave me a bright smile that seemed a little too false to be real.

Again, I thought back to his warm hand covering mine and the words he’d spoken, or more precisely, the way he’d spoken them to me before he’d gotten flustered. I’d been so caught up in my own head at the time, but now, thinking about them, and his reaction a second ago, it had me wondering if he’d also seen a flash of what his life might be like if he’d pictured us together as well.

I swallowed, the sound loud in the quietness of the house. “Still, I was wrong, and I apologize.”

We both fell into an awkward silence, making me feel even more uncomfortable. I wanted us to return to the easy-going friendship we’d grown used to but wasn’t sure how to go about making that happen. I struggled with social situations at the best of times, but didn’t want Ash to see me at such a loss with what to do. He’s the only person who’d managed to break through my barriers and make me feel relaxed whenever I was around him, and I wanted that back.

“Hug it out?” I asked lamely, trying to figure out a way to break the deadlock more than anything else. Relief flooded me when he agreed.

“Sure.”

We both stepped close at the same time. I wrapped my arms around his body. One over the shoulder the other around his waist, pulling him in close. His bare skin, so warm and inviting, I indulged in him for a few moments, letting his body heat seep into me, dissipating the remaining tension between us. Though we were almost the same height, his head rested against my shoulder in exactly the right place, setting off a protectiveness in me I hadn’t expected. My heart gave a small jolt at the feeling.

The sigh leaving his lips rippled over me, and as with anytime we got close, my body began to take notice, my cock beginning to thicken in my underwear. Not wanting to give myself away, I delivered a final man-slap to his back and then released him, so he’d not feel my growing hard-on against his thigh. He swayed on his feet, leaning toward me, and I couldn’t prevent the surge of arrogant pride rushing through me, that I could elicit such a reaction.

“I should go. Early start, remember?” I said, my voice lower, more husky than normal. Having finished gutting the main living area and kitchen today, we were going to work on the two first floor bedrooms and attached bathrooms tomorrow, as they were gonna take a while.

“Okay,” he agreed. He moved back a foot or two, while at the same time dropping his hands to cover the front of his shorts, the same as they had previously. This time I didn’t need to look down to know he also had an erection, as the color flooding his cheeks easily gave him away.

I definitely liked knowing I had this much of an affect on him, his clear honesty so refreshing. I didn’t have to second-guess myself for a change or have to decipher any signals or gestures to determine if the woman I’d taken to dinner liked me or not. There was no artifice with Ash, and I’d never been in this situation before. Had never been cognizant of how much I valued the openness and honesty of another person since the deceit in my past.

I returned the short distance to my room, looking back over my shoulder at the last minute, our gazes instantly connecting on each other. “Night, Ash.”

“Night, Mason.”

I closed the door behind me, feeling a whole lot better having resolved the issue. I hated to string an argument or disagreement out for any length of time. What was the point? Work through the problem together, and if you need to apologize, do so, and then move on. It’s not rocket science. After I’d washed up and climbed into bed, I switched off the bedside lamp and settled under the cool sheets. I lay there in the darkness for a long time after, and despite telling myself earlier it was bad for my well-being, I thought about a life where Ash and I really were a couple, wondering, possibly hoping, he may also be lying awake thinking about the exact same thing.

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