Page 49 of A Little More Hope

Settling into the other recliner, I took a long drink of beer, enjoying the cool hit of hops and alcohol as I swallowed, lethargy making my limbs heavy as the events of the last twenty-four hours were beginning to catch up with me.

We sat in companionable silence, soaking up the peace and quiet, waiting for the sun to set on the mountains behind the town.

“I love it here,” Gabe ventured, turning his head my way. “And judging from how well you look, so do you.”

It’s true; I did. Being here, a world away from my real life was cathartic.

“You look good, by the way,” he continued. “Healthy.”

I got what he meant. Better than before I left the city. Thinking back, those weeks seemed like an entirely different lifetime. I hardly recognized the more upbeat and relaxed man I’d become against the scared, timid, and depressed man I’d been previously. The one hiding out in his apartment, never going out, barely seeing anyone expect Gabe. I was amazed he hadn’t left and given up on me for good the way I treated him and anyone else who tried their best to help me.

But a massive difference existed between past me and current me, and it was all due to the one feeling I reasoned I’d never have again.

Hope.

I looked forward to living, to what might happen in the future, to surviving this journey, recapturing my life, and moving on.

“I’m sorry if I was an asshole to you and the guys before when I was back home. I wasn't in my right mind.”

He acknowledged me with a tilt of his bottle before he took a drink. “And now?”

I pondered his question for a couple moments. I did feel a whole lot better. Not thinking about the attack anywhere near as much. Unlike in the city, where the constant dissecting of the night consumed all my time and effort. I had more energy too, the lethargy previously weighing me down having effectively disappeared.

Ash also played a big part in my recovery. Keeping my mind occupied on figuring out why he’d been the one man I was attracted to, rather than focusing all my attention on why my perpetrators had singled me out for the assault. Yep, I had certainly improved and made a lot of progress. If you weren’t taking into account the continuing nightmares and me attacking Ash. Or the fact going outside alone automatically sent my stress levels through the roof, of course.

“Not completely, obviously, but yeah, my life’s beginning to make a lot more sense. There are good days and bad, but the bad days are getting further and further apart, so…” I shrugged.

“That’s the longest sentence you’ve spoken in ages. Much better than the grunts I normally get.”

I snorted at him. “Says he who uses that dumb noise as his major source of communication.”

“Smartass.”

“Not that I don’t enjoy seeing you, but why exactly are you here anyway?” I asked, wanting to move the conversation away from me for five minutes.

“You remember the phone call we had the other day, the one you hurried to get off as you had a food delivery waiting?”

“What of it?”

“You didn’t actually expect me to believe your lame excuse, did you?” He shook his head at me. “There’s no way I wouldn’t get my ass up here to check you were okay.”

I’d ended our conversation quicker than usual because Ash was in the living room wearing nothing but a damp towel, and I’d left him without any clothes to change into for far too long. But thinking back, Gabe’s real reason for phoning made the anger I’d felt then begin to bubble up all over again when I recalled the part where he grudgingly informed me his exes had set their wedding date for Christmas Eve.

“You want to talk about Karl and David?” I tentatively asked him.

“Nope.” His clipped and flat tone, plus the way he immediately shuttered his emotions set off alarm bells ringing in my head, but I’d been around him long enough to heed the warning signs and let the subject go. He’d not reveal any more on the topic, and I’d gain nothing by antagonizing him or pushing for answers he didn’t want to give.

I decided to let him off the hook. Having your two ex-boyfriends tying the knot on Christmas Eve, the same day Gabe had originally chosen for all three of them to say their vows and pledge their life together had to be a huge kick in the teeth and was bound to cut deep.

“So, you came all the way up here to check I was okay? That’s so sweet.”

Another grunt made me laugh.

“Don’t go all gooey on me. I had another reason to swing by too.”

“Ouch.” I clutched my chest.

“Knock it off. You know it’s mostly about you.”

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