Page 73 of A Little More Forgiveness

My own heart sped up at his response. Mitch may not understand why he felt this way, but I did and recognized the importance of this moment for him. “Why do you think that is?” I didn’t want to push him into an answer but hoped he’d say something, if only to confirm I wasn’t the only one beginning to feel the same.

“To think I was a means to an end, and in reality, meant nothing to him at all…” He faltered, poured himself another finger and downed the contents. I offered mine for a refill.

“I get it,” I replied, huskily. “The way he looks at me sometimes I can see my whole world right there in his eyes. And for those magical few seconds I feel so fucking special, so honored to be in his orbit, I can hardly breathe. And, I know I’m being completely selfish, but I’ll do whatever it takes for him to continue looking at me the same way every single day.”

“Yeah,” Mitch agreed miserably. “Me too.”

“So make it right, Mitch.”

He swallowed, and I watched him struggle to figure things out. “I’m not sure what to do,” he half whispered. “What if I fuck it up?” Emotions flitted rapidly across his hazel eyes: want, affection, betrayal, acceptance, but mostly the fear of failure, of losing what he might have if he didn’t resolve the distance between him and Leo.

I smiled. “You won’t fuck anything up. Just be honest and tell him how hurt you felt, allow him to see why he caused you pain, and go from there.”

He sighed, filled his glass once more, and held it up to me. “Our Leo.” His toast made my insides all fluttery.

Our Leo.

The words reverberated around in my mind, settling in deep, forcing my own acceptance of our situation. I’d tried so hard to fight the pull of them both, but I had already lost the battle. I was falling for both my men because that’s who they were now—mine—and I kept falling deeper every day. I’d tried over and over to keep my distance, knowing they’ll cause me a whole load more trouble in the end, but it was no use, my heart was determined to override my brain.

In hindsight, I clearly saw why my relationship with Karl and David was always destined to fail. I never put in the effort required for us to succeed. Work ruled my life, so I’d make up flimsy excuses for why I’d be too busy to go to this party or that dinner. Even when I got upset they’d started to exclude me, my pride got dented, more than my heart.

Yes, it had fucking hurt when they’d told me they no longer wanted me, no longer loved me. I’d not been able to forgive what I’d perceived as their utter betrayal of me simply because I’d never been dumped in the past. I’d always been the one to leave first, to give up on a relationship. To have two people tell me at the same time they no longer wanted me was a double whammy I hadn’t been expecting. Far too arrogant and sure of myself to see the end coming, when they told me we were over I had no clue how to deal with the rejection.

It felt different with Leo and Mitch as this time I was determined to make an effort, to put in the work. I wanted them and everything else that went along with them, good or bad. The idea we’d go off the rails because we didn’t communicate properly or let foolish pride get in our way? Well, I wasn’t going to let that happen.

“I’ll go get him,” I offered, wanting to end the misery for both of them, but at the same time give Mitch a few moments to gather himself.

He nodded his agreement. “Okay.”

I stood and lightly brushed Mitch’s cheek with my palm, enjoying the scratch of his rough beard over my skin. He turned his head and kissed my fingers, my heart doing somersaults at the tenderness in his gaze as our eyes connected. “I won’t be a sec.” Leaving him sitting at the table, I headed out of the kitchen and into the bedroom to find a nervous Leo seated on the bed, the pillows piled up behind him, dogs snuggled close, their heads resting high on his thighs, the lucky things.

Chuck and Norris raised their heads when they heard me approach. Leo’s closed eyes immediately popped open, his worry clear in their azure blue depths. I grinned in the hope of taking the edge off his nerves and relieve some of the tension bunching his shoulders up around his ears. “We’re good,” I greeted him, not wanting to make him wait any longer than necessary.

His skeptical look made me laugh.

God, I loved him.

My step faltered for a fraction of a second before I caught myself and carried on toward the bed. The sudden pounding of blood as it rushed through my veins sounded loud in my head as my admission sank in.

I loved him.

Despite thinking I’d covered my revelation well, Leo still must have seen a change in my expression because his eyes were suddenly full of concern.

“What’s wrong? I thought you said everything’s okay?”

I instantly forced my grin back in place. “It is, so there’s no need to keep hiding out in here.”

“You’re the one who told me to stay away,” he grumbled.

“Ya got me.” I held out my hand for him to take, his response instant, entwining our fingers as I helped him off the bed, his free arm wrapping around my waist, his body leaning against mine, trusting me to not let him fall.

As we exited the bedroom, I analyzed my internal declaration of love. Okay, I was totally on board with falling for them both because it meant I’d developed deeper feelings I needed to work on and examine. But love, especially with our precarious relationship, shouldn’t have blossomed so fast, right? We weren’t anywhere near emotionally close enough, or knew one another well enough for me to fall in love, were we? Plus, we’d only been here four days, well, three and a half. Who the hell fell in love after a few fucking days?

Me, apparently.

Despite the voice in my head screaming at me to take cover and run for the hills, my heart blithely ignored the demand, busily spreading a cheery warmth all the way through my body until my bones, nerves, and muscles were completely infused, and I glowed with it.

I loved Leo, and Mitch was rapidly following with his gruff exterior protecting his damaged soul. He needed to be loved so hard, and Leo and I were the perfect ones to take on the challenge, the only ones able, but me and Mitch still had work to do before I got to that stage.

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