Page 66 of A Little More Forgiveness

“I can understand why you don’t want to sell,” Gabe commented as we stood atop the hill overlooking the lake. A sea of pine stretching into the distance, the trees briefly skirted the water, before continuing their journey up the far rise, fading out as the mountains turned rocky and barren. The lake shone like a shimmering blue-gray jewel in the middle of all the brown and green and white.

As I gazed across my land, I remembered when Leo and I were out exercising the horses and, this time, allowed myself to be mesmerized by the outstanding scenery. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

“But think how much other people would enjoy being in the wilderness too. Staying in cozy log cabins, with a roaring fire, surrounded by all this beauty. Or camping out under the stars in tents in the summer and being closer to nature.”

I tried to imagine strangers here, trampling all over my favorite spots with their shiny new hiking boots with no comprehension of how important those areas were to me and the wildlife inhabiting the forest.

My good mood began to evaporate. “You said you’re here to explain,” I warned.

“I am,” he answered, and I knew him well enough now to catch on to when he was trying to placate me. “I’m just saying—”

“Well, don’t.”

He sighed. “We’re going to have to talk about this stalemate soon, Mitch.”

I silently agreed as Gabe deserved an answer. We had to determine the best way forward beneficial for both of us as their company owned half of the property. But going anywhere near the topic of my leaving this life behind made my stomach roil and brought me out in a cold sweat. “Can you please drop it, okay?”

He sucked in some air, releasing it on a long, slow breath. We didn’t speak again for the rest of the descent to the lake, affording me plenty of time to think about my shitty attitude, but deciding I had the right to be.

Yes, we’d had sex a couple times. Totally great sex in fact, and being brutally honest, the best sex I’d had in my whole life. But it didn’t mean I’d suddenly forgive myself for Katie’s death or give up on our dreams because I’d fucked a couple of random men.

Side-eyeing Gabe as he walked quietly beside me, I noted the way the sunlight shone on his glossy brown-black hair, a stark contrast to the snow glittering like diamonds all around us. With his strong profile, those damn full kissable lips able to render me senseless with a single touch, and his gorgeous jade-green eyes, I had to rescind my last thought. He wasn’t random in the least. Neither was Leo, with his sculpted muscles and lightly furred chest, forever making my pulse race when I ran my fingers through the soft hairs.

No, neither man was random in any way, and I accepted the pull of them both, thawing out a part of me long ago frozen in ice.

But give up on Katie, on the cabin, the lake and forest?

We walked past the two smaller cabins near the shore and despondency crept in at the unfinished sight of them. Add in the amount of time I’d been spending with Gabe and Leo, and I’d been neglecting my work yet again, making me even more determined to hunker down and get on with the huge list of jobs still to be done as soon as possible.

“I’m finding our affair, for want of a better word, more difficult than I expected,” Gabe declared as we both stared out over the water. A light breeze ruffled the surface, sending small waves rippling along its expanse. “You’re both making my life more complicated.”

I turned to look at him, giving him my full attention. “How so?”

Picking up a pebble from the shore, Gabe turned the small rock over in his palm before he threw it out into the lake, watching as the stone bounced on the ice multiple times before disappearing into the depths of the open water about fifteen feet out.

“I’ve not been with more than one guy at a time since Karl and David. I-I couldn’t.”

I didn’t interrupt him, sensing it wouldn’t take much to make him clam up. But his statement caused a hundred different questions to whir around in my mind.

“But with you two…something changed. I can’t say what exactly, but something feels different with you both, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”

“It scares you?” I prompted when he didn’t continue.

“Fucking terrifies me.”

I spread my hands. “So, why?”

He studied me, and as soon as our eyes met, my surroundings faded away. I’d been awed by the nature all around me, but the rich colors of the landscape paled into insignificance to Gabe’s handsome face or the depth of varying greens in his expressive eyes.

His lopsided smile completely undid me. “Because I can’t not.”

The response was extremely simple and yet so very complicated at the same time, but I understood his answer, as I felt exactly the same way. I’d gone for years without any intimacy, and since experiencing it with Leo and Gabe, I’d changed and begun to want things I shouldn’t and certainly, didn’t deserve. I’d tried to convince my inner self we were only hooking up, but I’d been lying. Something had happened to me I’d been totally unprepared for, and I hid behind calling it sex to make sure I wouldn’t let my heart believe it was anything else.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“I don’t want you to say anything. I simply wanted to let you know, that’s all. I’m not sure if anything will come of our being together or if once the bridge is repaired, we all go our separate ways and return to our normal lives. But Mitch, if there’s the slightest chance you don’t want what we have to end, if you want to keep going, see what happens with the three of us, you have some tough decisions to make.”

I continued to stare at him, trying hard not to think about both of them leaving and no longer seeing them every day. Miraculously, in the short time since they’d upended my life, I’d gotten used to their company.

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