Page 63 of A Little More Forgiveness

Crap. Always a problem when your best friends knew you inside out. They didn’t allow you to get away with anything.

“Shit, not sure. Maybe yes to both?”

“Okay. Christmas Eve. Start talking.”

“Jesus Mase, get right to the point, why don’t cha?”

He sighed heavily, ignoring my smart-ass comment. “It’s normal to feel the way you do, Gabe. You were in love with Karl and David. You expected to spend the rest of your life with them, and what they did to you—” His voice hardened. “—are doing to you and the relationship you had together is fucking reprehensible.” This was only the second time I’d ever heard Mason get angry about my situation. He’d never take their side but usually remained calm whenever I spoke about them, so he’d be there for me when I broke down. “Do they understand what you’re going through?”

“They?”

“The guys you’re currently marooned with.”

“I had a bit of a meltdown last night and told them.”

“How did they take it?”

“Okay. I thought they understood.”

“But you don’t now?”

“I woke up this morning to find I was on one side of the bed, while they were tangled around each other like a couple of pretzels on the other.” I tried to keep the bitterness and hurt out of my voice, but I’m sure I failed.

“So because of their sleeping arrangement, you think they don’t want you?”

Did I? It certainly hadn’t seemed the case last night when they’d been fucking me senseless over the couch. But that was probably due to how horny we all were from being in such close quarters and seeing one another nearly naked, or in my case, a lot naked, or in various stages of undress all the time, right?

“Could it possibly be you were protecting yourself?”

I frowned, wondering what he meant.

“I’m not the one keeping their distance,” I snapped.

“Aren’t you?” Mason let his comment sink in for a moment. “Are you sure you weren’t subconsciously anticipating this exact scenario, so you instinctively moved away from them, rather than the other way around?”

The man and his damn logic.

Had I deliberately moved away while asleep? Distancing myself from them both so they didn’t have the opportunity to do the same to me? It seemed a strange concept, when the last thing I’d want is to be the odd one out. But what was the point of subconsciously deciding to protect myself against the issue before it became one and then end up creating an issue anyway?

“Maybe,” I hedged.

“Maybe?” he questioned with way too much sarcasm for my liking. “Look, I’m not going to tell you what you should do, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how evasive you’re being not answering my questions, but I think you need to decide if this is something you want to pursue. If you do, talk to them, tell them how you feel, set some guidelines, and see what they say. If you think it’s a short-term fling while you’re all stuck there, which sounds idyllic by the way, go enjoy yourself and have fond memories of your time together when you leave and come home to us.”

His succinct explanation and possible way forward helped clear my head. I never sweated over a hookup or second guessed these things normally, so what the hell was wrong with me now? I normally made sure to have a good time with whoever I was with and let our dalliance run its inevitable and very short course. The fact I questioned my current liaison should have been setting off all manner of internal alarms, but for some reason they remained quiet.

“You’re right. I know you’re right.”

“So, I’m right, and you do want more?” he asked gently.

I grunted at him.

Despite my agitated mood, his chuckle made me smile. He hadn’t been happy for such a long time I assumed he’d forgotten how. I enjoyed hearing the humor in his voice again.

“Just give them a chance, okay? Maybe they’ll surprise you.”

“Hmmm, all right. I’ll think about it. Not making any promises though.”

“That’s all I ask, Gabe,” he replied. “You good?”

---