Page 177 of The Darkest Chase

Hell, probably something that needed to be broken.

Something that deserves it because I was a selfish asshole. I fell into this mess with her even while I knew I couldn’t give her anything permanent.

I’ve lived a lie for so long that I dragged her into my own fantasy, and then I tore her to tatters.

That sweet, innocent woman, with her gorgeous blue eyes spilling tears and a bitterness I’ve never seen, erasing the fresh-faced way she’d look at everything with the wonder of someone seeing it for the first time.

“Goddamned jackass,” I mutter to myself.

I close my eyes, blocking out everything, not even caring if I ruin the drink.

It doesn’t help.

I can’t erase the horrified look on her face.

I’m human scum.

I hope she hates me now.

Just so it’ll be easier to get over me and leave me behind as the vampire fucking asshole I am, and not someone she genuinely cares about.

I open my eyes and shut off the infuser, staring down at the stubby wide glass coffee cup the drink is traditionally served in.

In the glow from the fireplace, it almost looks bloody.

Fuck, I had to do this.

Didn’t I?

I have a duty.

The entire reason I came here.

It was already near impossible to pin the drugs to Xavier Arrendell and the Jacobins, working my way down the eastern seaboard one arrest at a time, until I finally found the thread leading back to this little town—idyllic and untouched by Xavier’s cocaine empire when, like any sensible drug lord, he doesn’t shit where he eats.

Years of work.

Years of agony, staked on my dead brother’s life.

I couldn’t let that go.

Not even to keep from ruining Talia.

Not even to love her.

It hits me then.

I dig my fingers into the edge of the bar until my bones hurt, fighting back a shout.

I love that goddamned woman, too.

That weird, sweet, anxious, brilliant splash of pink sunshine who looked at everything mangled inside me and touched my sharpness. She told me no matter how much I cut her, she wanted to bleed.

Well, I’m the asshole bleeding now.

Especially as I snap my eyes open, lift the drink, and toss it down, gasping from the burn.

I only wish it could drown more than my guts with fire.

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