Page 96 of Catching Feeling

“Reese, would you spit it out? You’re freaking me out,” she says, her eyes wide with impatience.

Fuck, even when I’m trying to confess my love for this girl, she’s still giving me shit. Unknowingly, but if that doesn’t describe how things are between us, then I don’t know what would.

I chuckle. “I am, woman. Don’t rush me.” Turning more toward her, I bring my hand to her jaw, sweeping my thumb along her skin, needing some type of physical touch to calm my nerves probably as much as hers. I’m not great with words, and I have no plan on how to do this, so I just throw it out there with no preamble. “Viv, I don’t want to… be friends who sometimes hook up anymore.”

Her throat works as she swallows visibly, her body stilling. This would be the time where she throws those walls up, but I’m not going to let her push me out. I need her to be real with me. To be honest, if she truly doesn’t want to be with me, fine, I’ll respect that. But I’m not letting her walk away if the reason is that she’s afraid of her feelings.

I’m fucking afraid too. But loving her… it’s not a choice. I can’t just turn it off.

“Reese…” she says quietly in a tone I can’t decipher.

I shake my head. “Let me get this out, okay?” When she nods, I drag in a deep breath and continue, looking deep into her eyes. “I don’t want to be friends who hook up anymore because I want to be more than friends, Viv. I want to be with you, for real. I want you to be my girlfriend, not just the girl I’m hooking up with. You deserve more than that. I like you, and I want us to be in a relationship.”

Her hand tightens in mine as if she’s holding on for dear life. Silence meets my words, and fuck, I’m scared. I’m scared that she’s going to tell me to fuck off because she’s not interested in being in a relationship. And if she did, she’d have every right to. She’s the one who said from the beginning that she wasn’t interested in more than this. Shit, at the beginning, she didn’t even want to be around me.

I’m the one who fell for her, despite knowing all that.

I’m terrified that I’m going to lose her. That I’ve ruined everything between us and that she’s going to run, and that this time, I won’t be able to catch her.

She’s quiet, dropping her gaze down to her fidgeting hands, and I’m fucking panicked.

“I… I think I want that too,” she whispers, swallowing roughly, probably as nervous as I am right now. “I want to be with you, Reese.”

Holy shit. Is this actually happening right now?

I’ve been so in my head about the fact that she might say no that I hadn’t even really considered that she might say yes.

“Really?” I say in disbelief. Fuck me. I fist pump the air like an idiot who can’t stop himself because Viv just told me she wants to be my girl.

She laughs, soft and sweet. “Yes. I want us to be together. I just… I don’t know how we’re going to make this work with you graduating and the minors, and I’m really fucking afraid of us messing this up, Reese.”

And because I can’t last another moment without touching her, I slide my hands around her waist and tug her into my lap and kiss her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then her lips before tucking her into my chest. “Hey, it’s okay to be scared, baby. It’s scary being vulnerable in a relationship with someone. I don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is that we’ll figure it the fuck out. Whatever it takes to make it work, we’ll do it. What matters is that we want to make it work. I want to be with you, Viv, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

“But you’re going to be drafted and move to a new state. You have no idea where you’ll be, and I’m going to be here, still in college and dealing with my life…” She trails off, raking her teeth over her lips. “Long-distance relationships are hard.”

I nod, taking that in. “Yeah, I’m sure they are. But they’re worth it, Viv. You’re worth it. We’ll have FaceTime dates, and I’ll fly you out to my games and visit home every chance I get. It’ll be hard at times, but I want to try. I want to try, with you.”

Viv lifts her head and leans forward, dropping her forehead against mine. Together, we just breathe for a few minutes, soaking in everything about this moment. “This is crazy. We’re complete opposites. What if we never work together?” Her voice is barely above a whisper that I feel on my lips.

She’s not wrong—we are opposites. There’s never a guarantee with any relationship, and I can’t guarantee the future, but what I do know is that I’m all in, and I’m going to do whatever I can to make it work.

“Yeah, baby, we are different.” I laugh lightly, holding her gaze. “And maybe the only thing we have in common is how we feel about each other, but that’s all that really matters. We can be night and fucking day, Viv, and it won’t change anything. You come to my games even though you have no clue what’s happening. I’m pretty sure you called it a touchdown the other day, which really hurt my fucking soul, but you showed up. And I’ll take you to every haunted house in the damn country if that’s what you want. I’ll buy the ghost equipment and pretend I’m not ready to shit my pants if it makes you happy. You’ll be my date to stupid rich people functions, and you’ll act like you hate every second of it, even though I know you secretly like getting dressed up, and I’ll be your biggest fucking fan. I’ll send letters to every publisher in the country, Viv. Because I want you and whatever comes with it. It’ll work because we want it to. Because together, we’re better.”

She laughs with unshed tears in her eyes and shakes her head like she can’t believe we’re having this conversation right now. Hell, I can’t either, but I’m so glad I decided to tell her how I feel. I couldn’t keep it in any longer without being honest with her, and I feel a huge sense of relief that she wants the same things I do.

“Are you sure this is what you want? You’re about to leave, Reese… I just don’t want you to feel like I’m weighing you down or distrac?—”

“Fuck no, Viv.” I cut that shit off before it even comes out of her mouth. “I mean it when I say I want this, and I want you. There's no question. How I feel about you is not a choice, baby.

That’s what I want you to understand. You’re my priority.” I lean in to press my lips against hers tenderly, wrapping my arms more tightly around her. To show her what I can’t with my words.

Some things should be felt.

“Tell me that you feel this too. That I’m not alone.”

Her lips move against mine as she nods. Her breath fans along my mouth when she speaks. “I do. You make me happy, Reese, and I do want to be with you. I just… might fuck this up somewhere along the way. I’m not good at feelings and being vulnerable and open, but I’m trying. I’m trying to communicate better and allow myself to rely on people. I just might sometimes need a little grace. Patience. For when I do it wrong or push you away.”

My heart squeezes in my fucking chest at what she’s saying. Like I’ll give up on her because sometimes she may shut down or need a little space.

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