Page 66 of How Much For a Life of Lies?

“But no one’s splitting us up. We work together. A team.”

He grinned down at me. “And that’s what I told Ethan. He hates it, but after he grumped for a while, he muttered some shit under his breath and stalked off, so I think I won.”

“You probably didn’t,” I warned him.

“Tough. It’s you and me together. Always.”

“Always.”

I wriggled to widen my legs, letting him slot between them, but still, he didn’t rest his weight on me—my forever-caring man. He was hard; I was hard. We were kissing; we loved each other.

The rest was white noise.

TWENTY-SIX

Zach

The visit to Jax’s place to see Charlie was long overdue. Ethan had insisted that Kai and I take a vacation to work through injuries, our new love, our partnership, and whatever else we had going on. With his trademark bluntness, he’d laid down the ultimatum: “Get some fucking rest, fix shit, and enjoy yourselves.”

We didn’t know what to do with ten days of vacation time. Neither of us were used to it, and we’d both made Ethan promise to contact us if he needed us. He’d grumbled about partners having sex.

I’d told him it was love.

I don’t know what Kai said, but it took Josh to reassure him that he wouldn’t lose two valuable team members but rather gain a committed team of two.

Like Spartans, only without the spears and skirts.

Kai’s words, not mine.

So, over three thousand miles later, we found ourselves parked outside Jax’s house in the San Diego suburbs, and I wondered what in God’s name I thought I’d achieve by visiting my twin.

And my son.

It would be hard to see him and Charlie.

Painful to leave them both.

But we were here, and we hadn’t given Jax and his partner a heads-up we were coming; it wasn’t because we wanted to surprise him. It was more that I didn’t want to disappoint him if he’d expected us and I’d been called away on our next mission.

Or I’d chickened out.

As I turned off the engine, I stole a glance at Kai, noting the smile as he stared through the windshield at my twin’s house, and liking that he reached over and squeezed my hand. I could see the window of the bedroom I’d stayed in. I knew the layout of the house. I knew where Charlie slept, and the permanence of what Jax and Arlo had scared me more than meeting thirty bad guys down a dark alley. What if Jax thought I was here to take Charlie when that thought wasn’t even in my head? What if Jax was so surprised he didn’t want to see me. What if he judged me for leaving my son with him?

What if he hated me?

I rubbed my chest with my free hand, scared, but also with this irrational happiness pushing the fear to one side. Was that me, or was I feeling Jax?

“Ready?” Kai asked, and lifted my hand to kiss the knuckles.

I nodded, then taking a deep breath, I reached for the door handle, the warm July air rushing in to meet me. This was it—the moment of truth—and the party was lively, with the sounds of music and the sight of other cars parked in the driveway, a couple of trucks among them. My brother was hosting a BBQ, and it seemed like the absolute worst time for an unexpected visit but we walked around the side of the house and stopped just outside a latticed gate.

“Okay then,” I muttered, and opened the gate before closing it behind us. Tables of drinks and food were scattered around, kids were running wild and laughing, the air filled with the scent of grilled meat and the sound of chatter. But amidst all the noise and commotion, I went still as I caught sight of my brother Jax chatting to his partner Arlo.

Charlie was there, toddling now, nearly two, his tiny hands reaching up to grab onto Jax’s leg.

His daddy’s leg.

It was a scene straight out of a family magazine, and for a moment, I felt a pang of envy. They looked so happy, so content, and I couldn’t help but wonder why I didn’t fight for that kind of normal. I could put down my weapon, not work for Shadow Team, be a dad, but it was wrong.

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