Page 31 of How Much For a Life of Lies?

“Always. You never have to ask.”

I tried to laugh, but shit, the pain was back. “I never had someone who’d unconditionally be there in my corner. Even Kai has his limits, and he’s my partner. Not in life, I mean, at work.”

“What about your family?”

“I didn’t have one,” I said, and he shook his head, all sad, and I felt bad for bringing him down. “But I’m glad you got so lucky, little brother.”

“What happened to you?”

Fuck, where did I start with that? “Too much to explain, but I never knew about you, not until I joined the Navy, and when they did family checks, there you were.”

“You were in the Navy? Next thing you’ll tell me is you were a SEAL.” I hid my expression against Charlie’s soft hair, and Jax spluttered. “The fu—fudge? You were a SEAL? Wait, are you a SEAL right now?"

I smiled then, “I can neither confirm nor deny.”

“Confirm or deny what?” Arlo asked from the door, carrying a tray with three drinks and a plate of cookies.

Jax pointed at me. “Navy SEAL.”

Arlo settled the tray on the table and placed the cocoa next to me. I wanted coffee, and call it a twin thing, or not, Jax switched my cocoa for a coffee and I settled Charlie between his knees so I could lean over the table and sip the nectar of the gods, letting out a deep sigh at doing something so normal.

Jax was staring at Arlo, who was staring at me, and something passed between them.

“I love you,” Arlo said to Jax with fierce determination. “Stop thinking so hard!”

I couldn’t help but smile. They were so cute, so normal, so in love. I wanted that for my twin, wanted it so badly that my heart hurt. I wished I could have that with…

“I probably need to sleep a while more,” I said when it was all too much, and Arlo picked up Charlie and bounced him before they left me to sleep.

I lasted the whole day, mulling over Kai’s note.

He needs his meds, look after the fucking idiot, don’t call a doc, no hospitals, and don’t ask questions he can’t answer. He won’t stay. Don’t panic when he leaves. K.

That was so Kai, brisk and to the point, and he knew me better than I knew myself. Something woke me up, and I blinked into the darkness.

“Time to go,” Kai whispered.

“You got them?”

“Yeah. Time to head back to ops and get you some real help. You ready to leave?”

He held out clothes, and I noticed a closet door open behind him. I wondered if these were Jax’s clothes. He answered my question when the sweats were at the right length, albeit a little tight. The same was true for the T-shirt. I dressed with help from a frowning Kai and took a moment to write a note to Jax.

What could I say? How did I distill all my fears while making sure he wasn’t worried, and also tell him never to let Charlie forget me?

In the end, it was easy. Hey, little brother, sorry to go; don’t worry about me. Tell Charlie all about me. See you soon. Z.

At least I left Jax with a small amount of hope that I’d see him, Arlo, and Charlie again.

But I never promised I’d be back.

It was safer that way.

TWELVE

Kai

I stepped into The Retreat, my eyes adjusting to the dim light after the snowy darkness outside. This dive of a bar, with faded posters and an air of decay, was the polar opposite of Cedar Ridge’s other bar, which was more family-friendly. The Retreat was where the loggers and miners came to drink away their troubles. The walls held relics from the town’s rugged history, and the air was thick with the smell of stale beer and sawdust, a faint trace of tobacco smoke hanging despite no visible cigarettes.

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