Page 27 of Shielding Soledad

“It’s for the best. That way you and Luke are out of Bruce’s reach,” he said. “If you can’t take Frankie with you, one of my brothers will take her.”

I loved Frankie, I truly did. But at that moment, the fact that Alex was concerned about where my dog would go infuriated me. Did he not see that my heart was breaking? Did he not see that the little world I’d created for myself was crumbling? But he’d never shared that world with me. It was my mistake to think he had.

Curse fulfilled, I thought. All of my mother’s warnings had been for naught. I’d been convinced this time was different, but it wasn’t. I loved a man who didn’t want me. I’d be on my own raising a child, as my mother, aunt, and grandmother had been before me. The multigenerational tragedy was probably some kind of record. Maybe I’d write a book about the Hayes family curse and get myself on a talk show.

My only consolation, if I could find one, was that Alex’s love for Luke was genuine. He might not be with me, but he’d have some kind of relationship with his son. I hoped.

“Soledad,” Alex said into a silence that had stretched while I tried to process everything that had happened in the past hours, “Soledad, I need you to?—”

I held up my hand to stop his words. I didn’t want them, couldn’t sort through them. “I’ll call my aunt. I’m sure she’ll take me and Luke in. I’ll do whatever I need to for Luke’s sake, but I need some time to myself.” I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. This was too much. I’d prided myself on being strong and independent, but this was more than even I could take.

“I get that. You’ll stay here with Luke and Frankie until you can get packed up to go. It’s safer for you.”

Was that the real reason for forcing me to become his brother’s houseguest? Or was it that he wanted me out of his place? He wouldn’t answer those questions even if I asked him. And I had to admit that it did seem more secure here, with the fancy alarm system and Colin’s vigilance. I resented it, though, resented being foisted on Alex’s relatives, despite how nice they were. But I’d stay, because it was best for Luke, and that’s what mattered most.

“Fine,” I said, and I could have left it at that, but here was my opportunity to tell Alex how much he’d hurt me. I doubted I’d get another chance, because he was going to run for it, run back to the service. I stood, eyed him, and let the words tumble out. “You know I’d always believed, always convinced myself that one day you would fully love me and commit to me. But you aren’t ever going to do that, are you? I’m never going to get more than a part of you.” I stared at him, but his face had become an impassive mask. What kind of man didn’t react to those words?

Didn’t matter. I went on. “I know Luke’s arrival complicated things, but I thought we were making progress as a real family. And I wanted that. You have no idea how much.” I gulped in air, fortifying myself to speak. “I know about your past, about your parents, about your low expectations for others. Heck, my family history isn’t much better—but despite all that, I hoped for the best for us. Unlike you, I didn’t want to see the past as limiting, so why would I expect the worst? Why should I, and now Luke, exist in a cage that was forced upon us? But you’ve chosen to stay there, chosen to define yourself by the past and others’ actions. You won’t let yourself love anyone, because you might get hurt.” I expelled a shaky sigh, knowing that I would cry later but keeping myself together in the moment. “Well, I’m hurt now, and I suppose that’s my own fault, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I made the mistake of loving you twice. And if that means that I end up without you, so be it. At least I’ll have Luke. And I can love him as much as I want to. There’s no limit on a mother’s love.”

Unlike your love, I silently added. Alex placed limits on everyone around him. He didn’t let himself love, and he didn’t allow people to get close to him, to love him, because it didn’t end well most of the time. But when it did, when love worked, it was magical. That’s what I’d hoped for with Alex, but it wasn’t to be because his past, his parents, had damaged him so much that he wouldn’t allow it.

That alone made me want to cry. Instead, I took a silent pledge to make my son’s life so full of love and understanding that he’d never question those around him, never refuse to give his trust or affection.

About Alex, there was nothing I could do.

13

ALEX

Iplaced some of Luke’s toys into a box, regretting that I wouldn’t see my son play with the little blue stuffed bear or the oversized plastic keys on a ring. I could hear Soledad in the master bedroom packing her things. Convincing her to leave with Luke had taken everything out of me. I didn’t want to be parted from her or my son, but I had no choice.

Even now, I missed Luke, who’d stayed behind at Colin and Lily’s house. My sister-in-law was taking care of him, and I knew he was safe, but I hated having him out of reach. Over the past few days, I’d spent as much time as I could with Luke, knowing my son would soon be headed to Philadelphia to live with Soledad and her aunt, which was for the best if my scheme was going to work.

My family and I had formulated a plan to smoke Bruce out. I had put around that I was leaving soon on a mission. To build the charade, I’d started my pre-mission schedule. I rose early to run ten miles and worked out in the afternoons. My goal was to be seen, so I’d stuck to the high school track and a popular gym downtown. I’d even carted some boxes to a storage facility and contacted my homeowner’s association to let them know I’d be gone for an indefinite amount of time. All clear signs to anyone looking that I was headed out with my SEAL team.

I hoped Bruce believed it, because I wanted this done. I wanted to be out of danger, but more importantly, once it was over, I could tell Soledad the truth. As it was, she had to be convinced that I was leaving her as well, that I didn’t want a relationship with her. Otherwise, she’d never take Luke and go away—which they had to do.

“I’m going next door to say goodbye to Gina.” Soledad leaned in the nursery door. It was the longest sentence she’d addressed to me in the past three days. She didn’t wait for my response but went down the stairs. After I heard the front door slam, I rapidly crossed to the master bedroom, where I could watch over her. She cut across the lawn, her arms swinging at her sides. A minute later, she was safely inside Gina’s house.

I blew out a sigh. My nerves were raw between my worry about Bruce and the emotional impasse I was at with Soledad. I thought back to the end of our conversation, when I’d pretended not to care for her. I’d almost lost it, almost confessed everything when she’d confronted me at Colin’s house and openly confessed her love for me, her hopes for our future together.

My SEAL training included techniques to resist various forms of torture, and I’d relied on those to get me through the moment when she’d laid her heart on the line. I’d had to dig deep to resist telling her how I felt. The toughest part had been not acknowledging how right she was about me. I had kept myself in a cage of my own making. I’d erected iron bars around my emotions…until recently, when Soledad and Luke had bent the bars and set me free. I longed to tell her that so much I’d literally bitten my tongue.

And now I had to avoid her for fear she’d see through the front I’d constructed. I could hardly be in the same room with her. But I had to pretend a little longer, until the threat from Bruce was neutralized. Telling myself it was for the best was little consolation, but it was. It was best if Soledad didn’t know my true feelings, if she didn’t know how much I loved her and wanted to be with her.

Shoving her away was the only way to ensure her and Luke’s safety. Because Soledad understood hope so much better than I did. If she thought there was hope for our future, she’d stay and fight Bruce alongside me. I couldn’t put her at risk like that, so I’d taken the words she’d spoken, controlling my reaction and hoping—a new concept for me—that there was a future for us.

Because I saw that future. The three of us together, with maybe more children down the road, filling this house up to the brim again. I looked around the upstairs, seeing possibilities instead of difficulties. I was going to fight for her love, and I was a hell of a fighter.

My fight was here now. Her tone had mocked me when I’d announced I was leaving on a mission—and she’d been right, because I could never leave them again. Never again could I travel the globe and put myself in danger with no definite date of return. That was no longer in me, and I didn’t regret it. My life had changed in the past months.

I had changed.

I’d loved Soledad a year ago at the time of our breakup, but fear had left me unable to speak the words. I could now—and I would, when this was over. As for Luke, I had lost my heart to that boy the second I’d seen him, and that was never going to change.

First things first: I needed to deal with Bruce.

I taped up a box and labeled it “Toys and clothes.” I carried it downstairs and added it to the stack near the back door. Frankie sniffed the boxes and gave me a pleading look.

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