Page 14 of Shielding Soledad

“You might want to rethink that, bro,” Colin said. “Women don’t like to be kept in the dark. Not when it comes to their safety.”

“She’s got a lot on her plate already.” It was an excuse, and I admitted to myself that my brother was right. Soledad would be livid if she learned I’d kept this from her. But I’d accept that risk. “I need your connections to locate Bruce.” My brothers both worked for security firms and could use their networks. Chance, meanwhile, ran the best garage within fifty miles with Mandy, which meant that he always had people in and out, sharing all the gossip. If anyone saw a stranger hanging around, Chance would probably hear about it.

“I’ll make some calls,” Zach said.

“I’ll pass the word around at the garage,” Chance added.

“And I’ll see what I can find on him in the cyber world. Maybe he’s used his credit cards lately. We’ll find him,” Colin said, “and if he makes the mistake of coming after any of us, he’ll regret it.”

Having my family’s backing was useful, but I was still worried. I’d trained with Bruce, knew what the other man was capable of—knew that he had no qualms about harming people who got in his way. That and a thirst for revenge made Bruce a powerful enemy, not to mention the worst sort of man.

My eyes tracked to Soledad. A few seconds earlier, Luke had let out a tiny cry and she’d picked him up. Now she was walking in the shade of the trees with our son on her shoulder. She didn’t look in my direction. It almost seemed as though she was trying not to.

“It’ll be all right,” Zach said, playing the role of big brother.

“Hope so.” I wasn’t worried about Chance, Zach, and Colin. They had the training to defend themselves. But between us we had four women, four young children, two babies on the way, and a dog that my actions had put in the path of danger.

That’s what had me tied in knots.

7

ALEX

“Consider it,” Colin said over the phone two days later. “It’s a hell of an opportunity.”

“I will,” I replied. A job, one I was uniquely qualified for, had just opened up at the security firm where Colin worked. I had checked in with Colin to see if he’d uncovered any intel on Bruce, but the possibility of a civilian job was another topic altogether. It had my wheels turning, taking me in an unexpected direction.

“I’ll keep digging.” Colin’s words brought me back to the problem at hand.

“Thanks, and be careful,” I said before hanging up. I didn’t need to remind my brother to be cautious. We all were by nature, and the situation had us adding an extra layer of vigilance. I supposed the others had told their wives about the potential danger. That was their choice; I’d made a different one. Not that Soledad was my wife. Far from it.

I blew out a breath, not letting myself get sidetracked with thoughts about my relationship with Soledad. The threat that hung over us was far more important. Bruce was off the grid, no sign of him anywhere despite, all of our searches. To anyone else, that might seem like positive news, but it only heightened my worry. Bruce was up to something, and I couldn’t guess what. Not knowing left me feeling vulnerable, a sensation I despised.

Vulnerability only exacerbated my restlessness. The sense of being caged was not unusual for me. I spent most of my life feeling like a spring about to shoot off. I’d learned to control that spring under the Admiral’s tutelage and through years of military training, but it coiled, waiting to be released.

I needed to take the edge off. Fresh air and a trip through the landscape I was creating in the backyard might do that. Soledad and Luke were out there, too. I pushed aside the realization that time spent with them helped unwind the spring as well. Moreover, any soothing effect of their presence was wiped away when I remembered the mess I’d made of my relationship with Soledad—on top of the danger I’d put them in. I scrubbed a hand over my face as I exited the house into my burgeoning garden with too many things on my mind.

I paused in the doorway, hands on hips, to appreciate what I’d accomplished. I’d planted evergreen shrubs and ornamental trees in the yard but stuck to potted perennials for color. If I opted not to re-enlist, I could put the plants in the ground anytime during the growing season. If I stayed in the service and deployed on a mission, I could give the plants away, pots and all.

Or maybe Soledad would want them for wherever she moved to. I wanted to give her something. A sense of loss at the idea of parting with her filled me. And I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before she left. I’d caught her combing the “apartments for rent” section of the newspaper.

She was planning to move out soon. Imagining my home without her and Luke in it left a hollowness in my chest that was worse than the vulnerability I couldn’t shake. Both sucked, and I couldn’t control either. When Soledad made up her mind, there was no stopping her. And I had no right to try. She had her own life to live, and, as painful as it would be, I would have to let her go. We would work something out about sharing custody of Luke.

My son would be with me part time—I knew Soledad wouldn’t deny me that—so I didn’t regret the sunshade I’d stretched between the back-porch roof and the fence. It would still get use. I paused to look at Soledad, stretched full length on a blanket in the grass under it, Luke next to her, while Frankie ran after a butterfly in the yard.

The thought crossed my mind that, to a casual observer, this would look like an ideal life. An independent, vivacious woman, a healthy child, a good home, and even a friendly dog. Despite the tableau before me, I knew that life wasn’t really mine and never would be. At most, I was borrowing it. Soledad was bound to move on, find someone who could give her the home and family she clearly wanted. That someone wasn’t me, but I doubted she’d have any trouble finding a replacement. She was amazing—what kind of idiot wouldn’t want to be with her? I hated the guy already, just imagining him with her…but that happy ending was what she deserved. As for me, I’d have my son, but, for the first time ever, some part of me wanted it all. The unattainable fantasy hung in front of me—even as I knew I had no right to it.

I was still thinking that when Soledad lifted her head and smiled at me. I went toward her, hoping for more than I had any right to. We’d loved each other once—or so I’d thought. I’d never said the words to her, though, since I’d been unable to put that much trust in another person. She’d said them more than once, and I’d disappointed her each time by not giving them back to her. But it wasn’t in me to allow that kind of emotional attachment, no matter how much I wanted to. She was sunshine and light, as buoyant as the hot-air balloons she loved so much. I was…not her antithesis, not darkness and hate, but skepticism and caution ruled what I did.

“I’m glad you came out,” she said, giving me hope that the frost between us had thawed. I’d take some friendly banter since that was about the best that I could hope for. “I need to run inside for a minute,” she went on. “Can you stay with Luke? He’s so happy out here that I don’t want to move him.” She climbed to her feet, her shorts and tank top showing off her athletic body.

“Sure,” I responded automatically, keeping my expression neutral as I put aside the letdown I felt. I’d been thinking serious thoughts about us, and she wanted nothing more from me than a bathroom break. I supposed I should be grateful she trusted me with Luke, but I couldn’t help wanting more than an arrangement that cared for our son.

“I won’t be long,” she said. She was close enough that her long hair brushed my shoulder as she passed me, and her scent lingered on the warm air. I had to steel myself not to succumb to either.

When I heard the back door close, I lay down next to Luke, who was contentedly staring up at the sky.

“Hey, buddy,” I said softly and got a friendly gurgle from my boy, which was a gift I’d never known I’d wanted. I had never understood why my fellow SEALs with kids were so eager to return from missions. They angled for earlier flights and tried to fast-track the debriefings. Their actions had annoyed me in the past. I got it now.

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