Page 12 of Shielding Soledad

“Getting out of bed is exhausting,” Lily commented, stretching her legs out in front of her.

"Amen to that!” Mandy added, putting her head down on the picnic table and pretending to fall asleep there.

“It’ll pass, sweetheart,” Carolyn said, comforting her. “You know that the first few months are tiring. Isn’t that right, Soledad?”

“That was my experience,” I confirmed. I’d been tired and worried about my situation almost from the beginning of my pregnancy, which had left little time to enjoy it as many women claimed they did.

“Before you know it, you’ll have a beautiful baby to love.” Carolyn kept her eyes on Erin, who was sitting on the blanket near Luke. “It’s nice they’ll all grow up together. I love it that the cousins can play with each other.”

I kept my thoughts to myself, uncertain how much connection I’d have to Alex’s family down the road. The kids would build a relationship, since their fathers were so close, and I was still doing bookkeeping for Carolyn and Mandy, which would keep me in touch with the moms even if Luke and I ended up moving into our own place, but this big family thing was foreign to me. My own family was very small: just an aunt and one cousin. And it wasn’t like I was even close to my aunt or my cousin. My situation was nothing like the one Alex had with his cousins, where he felt tightly connected to them even though they’d grown up separately and, if I remembered correctly, weren’t actually related by blood.

He'd told me the whole story, about how the Admiral—the man who had fostered him and his brothers, and who had been more of a true parent to him than either his father or mother ever managed—had had an estranged half-brother that none of them had known about: Chance’s father, the original Ray McCallister. It was only when Big Ray, as the family referred to him now, had died that Chance found letters in his father’s things pointing to Ray having a brother he'd been close to, way back when. It had been too late for Chance and his brothers to form a relationship with the Admiral, who had already died by then, but they’d reached out to the Vales, and they’d all decided that they were cousins in every way that mattered, just as they should have been all along.

It was so strange to even think about finding a new half of your family after decades without them, but it seemed to be working out well for the Vales and McCallisters…even if it was all still very confusing to me.

“And we’ll get some girl time, too. Nice for us,” Lily said, smiling. “Which brings me to an important question, Soledad.”

“What’s that?” I asked, feeling like a spotlight had just found me in a crowd.

“Are you and Alex still pretending to be nothing more than responsible adults with this co-parenting friendship thing?” Lily posed the question, but all three of the women had their attention fully focused on me.

“We’re not pretending,” I said. “That’s what we are. What else would we be?” I tried to keep my voice casual, but I felt the glare of the imaginary spotlight.

“I think you know,” Mandy interjected. “We can all see the looks you give each other when you think no one will see. I noticed it when I visited you last week, and I’m definitely seeing the same thing today. I know what chemistry looks like. That was one thing that Chance and I always had, even when we couldn’t figure out the rest of it.”

I refused to glance in Alex’s direction and kept my attention on Luke, who was staring up at Erin. I couldn’t deny that I had taken quick looks at Alex during my conversation with the other women. And I’d had no reason to. I couldn’t use the excuse that I was checking on Luke, since he was in front of me.

“Oh, Mandy,” Carolyn said with a shake of her head. “I thought we agreed not to bring it up.”

Oh, God. They’d talked about me and Alex. I could feel my face get hot.

“Come on. We have to help them out,” Mandy insisted, her tone blunt but friendly. I’d learned through our interactions that she was very direct and didn’t believe in beating around the bush, but she had an incredibly kind heart.

“There’s nothing between Alex and me,” I declared before the others could continue, “other than caring for Luke. No relationship. We’re only living in the same house because it’s easier for us now when Luke still needs so much care. Once he’s a little older and is sleeping through the night, Luke and I will be moving out as soon as I can get an apartment.” That time was approaching rapidly, since Luke was almost two months old.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Lily asked. “Listen, I know how tough it is to live with someone and try to resist the attraction. Colin and I failed at it, and I couldn’t be happier.” Lily had been Colin’s nanny when a relationship developed between them, which soon led to marriage and now a child together.

Good for Lily, but unlike his brother, Alex wasn’t the marrying kind. The thought suddenly made me very sad. The family curse had won. My mother was right. I cared for a man who would never return my affections, not the way I wanted him to. But those were facts I didn’t plan to confide to these well-meaning women.

“Our situation is not the same as yours and Colin’s,” I said, trying my best to sound logical. “We have no future together other than shared parenting for our son. We’d broken up before Alex left for his last mission. You know that.”

“We never did know why, though.” Carolyn’s tone was gentle. “Can I take a guess?”

There was that spotlight again—a little dimmer, but once again highlighting all of my worries. “I…” I started to respond but had no idea what to say.

“I once ended my relationship with Zach because I could no longer take waiting at home for him when he was off on a mission. The not knowing where he was and if he was okay was a killer.” Carolyn glanced toward her husband, making me follow her gaze. The four men stood close together, obviously engaged in a serious discussion. “Being with an active SEAL is way harder than it seems. They’re great men, loyal and courageous, but the women in their lives have to share those qualities with the job.”

Ten times worse, I silently agreed. The missions were longer and inherently more dangerous than the work of regular service people. If being a military wife was tough, being the wife of a SEAL was even tougher and more nerve-wracking. Carolyn was right, too. Alex’s work was certainly part of the reason our relationship ended. The rest was that he wouldn’t let me get too close to him.

“I’ve known the guys for a long time,” Carolyn went on. “They’ve been through so much, but their reactions to adversity are all different.” She looked over to Mandy. “The McCallisters are the same way, right?”

“Oh, definitely,” she agreed. “They’re all problem solvers, ready to charge forward and take anything on, but Harris is the mediator who always tries to talk things out. Chance is the one who rushes to step up and take action—even when it’s the dumbest thing he could do. And Lee…” She chuckled a little. “He’s the troublemaker. He goes around stirring shit up until he can figure out exactly how to work the situation to make it go the way he wants.”

We all laughed a bit at that before Carolyn spoke up again. “Well, when it comes to the Vales, Zach wants to control everything, and Colin believes everything has a place. But Alex puts on the devil-may-care attitude and pretends not to give a darn because he’s guarding his heart. He’s unwilling to risk getting hurt again, so he closes himself off from everyone except his brothers.”

How was I supposed to respond to this honesty when the other woman had pegged Alex and the difficulty between us to a T? I had gotten a peek under the surface at Alex’s vulnerability just before he shut me out when our relationship ended a year ago. I’d had glimpses again in the past months, too, especially when Alex didn’t think I was paying attention. I cherished those unguarded moments when I saw the man he truly was.

But could we have a real relationship, as the other women were suggesting?

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