Page 9 of Shielding Soledad

I rose from petting Frankie and eyed him. His return gaze was impassive, carefully shielding all emotion. Or perhaps he just didn’t feel anything for me, and I was being foolish letting my mind dwell on our kiss. I should never have let that happen—but it had, so I had to see it for what it was. An indiscreet and unwise kiss between two adults who had once shared a powerful, if doomed, attraction.

There, that sounded very rational and logical…and didn’t at all describe the complexity of my true feelings for Alex? I broke our eye contact, turning away to head to the kitchen. As I walked, I silently pledged to keep my interactions with him at a minimum. I didn’t want us to be at odds, but I couldn’t let my heart be trampled either.

5

ALEX

“Iappreciate you moving me up on your schedule.” I walked my friend to the front door. Steve worked in the security business and had helped both Colin and Zach out in the past few years, and he’d been willing to install a home security system for me on short notice.

“It’s not the best system I’ve ever hooked up,” Steve said, “but it should give you some peace of mind. Down the road, when I’ve got more time, we can beef it up.”

“Thanks for doing what you did.” With the threat of Bruce Lewis always in the back of my mind, I was grateful for anything that made my household safer. The cameras, exterior and interior, plus a basic anti-burglary system on doors and windows, gave me some reassurance, and I liked having the smoke detectors integrated into the system. I’d never worried much about fire, but with an infant in the house, my perspective had changed. On a lot of things.

“See you at poker night,” Steve said before heading to his truck.

“It’s okay to come out now,” I called up the stairs after I closed the door. During the installation and testing, Luke and Soledad had stayed in the master bedroom. The windows in that room were alarmed as well, but I hadn’t added cameras or motion detectors in there, so they’d been able to move around without feeling like they were under surveillance. I’d heard Luke’s cries and Soledad pacing the floor, hitting the one squeaky spot repeatedly. It had taken everything in me not to go to her aid, but fortifying my home against threats was key.

Fortunately, Soledad hadn’t questioned my reason for adding the system. I’d explained it to her as basic security plus fire and carbon monoxide monitoring, claiming it was something I’d been planning to do for a while but hadn’t gotten around to on my previous leaves. After all, the house had a lot of sentimental value to my family, and I spent a lot of time away. I’d feel awful if there was some issue with the old wiring and the house ended up taking major damage because there was no one there to report the fire.

It was all true, even if it wasn’t the real reason behind my decision to install something now. I just didn’t want to admit that I was—we were—facing a credible threat from a highly trained Special Forces SEAL with deep connections in the Navy and a vicious grudge. I didn’t want to worry her, but it didn’t hurt to take precautions.

“Finally,” Soledad said as she came from the bedroom with Luke in her arms.

“Was he good for you?” I asked, regretting that I’d been no help to her during the hours Steve and I had checked and rechecked the system.

“He was fine. A little fussy and bored, but no big deal. He seems to be noticing more, and he wants stimulation,” she said, but she looked tired as she came down the stairs. I reached for Luke, taking him from her, and found the boy studying me, bright-eyed.

I had read about the developmental phases of infants and how quickly they changed. At seven weeks, Luke was becoming more aware of the world, both visually and by listening for sounds. We’d started giving him tummy time to help him develop his strength and connection to things, but he seemed to need more.

“Let’s take him for a walk,” I suggested. We could all do with getting out of the house, and maybe some fresh air would break the tension that had coated every interaction between me and Soledad since I’d kissed her on the back porch. We’d crossed into some strange territory, which was my fault. I’d been the one unable to resist her in that moment.

In the aftermath, I’d evaluated my actions, trying to see them objectively, as if I was debriefing from a mission. My pondering led to one conclusion and one course of action: I had to quash any feelings of desire I had for Soledad. Did I want to kiss her again? Make love to her? Hell, yes. But it was simpler and safer if I maintained distance between us. After all, that was what she had said she wanted.

And even though staying emotionally distant wouldn’t prevent Bruce from targeting the mother of my son, at least this way I could protect her from myself. My relationships didn’t work out. I knew that was due to my own upbringing and the way it had damaged my ability to trust.

I’d learned early on not to rely on connections to others, because people always let you down in the end. My parents sure had. They weren’t anything like the image of parents on television or even in my friends’ homes where Mom and Dad loved each other and were happy about having kids. By the time I was six, I’d realized that was a fantasy world.

Years later, the Admiral had come into my life…but in the end, even he had disappointed me in a way. Rationally, I knew that the Admiral couldn’t help dying when he had, but not having my foster father there to see me become a SEAL had been a great disappointment. I had had a point to prove, and I felt like I’d been denied an opportunity to demonstrate that I measured up.

Life was a series of letdowns. Some serious, others minor. But I had no illusions. I met life head-on, with a cynical eye. Not qualities that made for great long-term relationships with women. Soledad must have figured that out—it was why she’d ended things with me in the first place. I had no right to ask her to start things up again when I was no more capable of giving her what she needed and deserved now than I had been before. So I’d kept it platonic with Soledad since the kiss. That was my best route. Platonic and hopefully friendly so there was no bad blood between us that might impact Luke. I didn’t want any acrimony to taint my interactions with Soledad. Having parents who got along and shared responsibility was the best gift we could give Luke.

“I’d enjoy a walk,” Soledad answered. Was she suspicious of my motives, since I hadn’t offered a walk since the day of the kiss? If she did, she didn’t bring it up. “Let me get Frankie from the yard.”

While she was gone, I strapped Luke into the stroller and pushed it out the front door. The day was perfect, blue sky and sunshine. A minute later, Soledad and Frankie joined us, and together we headed the same direction as we had on our previous walk. The small park a few blocks away made a good destination. I imagined we would spend plenty of time at that park as Luke got older and wanted to go down the slide or play on the swings. I wondered what my arrangement with Soledad would be in a year or two. Would she still be living with me, or would she had insisted on finding a place of her own by then? I didn’t like the thought of her moving out, and not just because of the safety concerns. Somehow, I knew the house would feel way too empty if she and Luke weren’t filling it anymore.

“I can take Luke tonight and give you a break,” I offered as we walked.

“I’m fine. No need,” she responded without looking at me.

“All right,” I said. I changed tactics, since my first overture hadn’t worked. “I’ll make a grocery store run later, then. We need diapers. What can I get you?”

“Nothing special,” she replied, never looking in my direction.

I wanted to grip her arm and swing her around so we were face to face. Maybe then I’d get more of a response from her. Perhaps, though, she was being the smart one, the one who understood that the distance between us was necessary. Wasn’t she the one who had broken away from the kiss and made an excuse to leave me?

“Uh-oh,” Soledad said in a low voice, pointing underneath a car parked at the curb and tightening her grip on the leash. A large tiger-striped cat slunk out from the shadows. Frankie barked furiously, and the cat dashed across the lawn with a hiss.

“Hey, puppy,” Soledad said to Frankie when the cat had disappeared into the shrubs, “this is the cat’s house. Don’t be rude when we’re guests on her sidewalk.” Frankie rubbed against Soledad’s leg almost as if she were apologizing for her actions.

---