Page 83 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“Dillon, you can’t tie it, can you?” Buchanan’s laugh grated on me as I stormed through my room and wrenched open the door they were all crowded around.

“Like you can do a fucking better job?”

B snorted and gestured to his perfectly tied bow tie and then at Vieck and McCormack who all wore manic grins. The smarmy fucktards. “What do you think, Cap?” They fist bumped and laughed at my expense as I ran a shaky hand through my hair.

“Fuck!” I had to walk away from the idiots, or I’d end up putting my fist in their faces as they filed into my room. Tonight wasn’t just a big night for my little crow, who was the star of Levi’s collection, but it was our first official night out as boyfriends. I didn’t want to keep him hidden in the shadows like some dirty little secret, but some fears were so deeply ingrained in you, that they were almost impossible to push past. I just hoped that in time, I could walk up to him without an ounce of fear in my blood and kiss him in public. But for now, I’d be tentatively hopeful.

“Hey, hey, come on, Cap. It’s all going to be fine,” Vieck said, leaning against the door jamb scrolling through his phone. “Buchanan will sort it for ya. He did ours, and we look shit hot!”

I rolled my eyes and clenched my jaw as my hands shook. “Dillon, it’s going to be fine.” B put his hands on my shoulders and squeezed. “We’ve got you, man. The three of us have your back no matter what.” I pulled a smile on my face and let out a relieved breath. It was scary to put my trust in other people. It was no problem on the field, but in real life, I’d been burned so many times I found it almost impossible.

“Thanks, guys. That means a lot.” I looked at each of them in turn. My throat felt tight, and my eyes stung as I came to realize I actually had some really good friends around me. I felt like shit for being such a cold bastard to them most of the time.

“That hurt to say, didn’t it, Cap.” McCormack snickered into a bottle of beer he pulled out of nowhere.

“Uh, yeah.” I closed my eyes as B ordered me to lift my head so he could finish fixing my bowtie.

“You know, it all makes sense now,” he added.

“What does?”

“Why you had it out for Goldilocks.” McCormack wiggled his eyebrows, and I glowered at him. “They do say love and hate are two sides of the same coin, after all.”

I sighed, my shoulders sagging. “I was an asshole.”

“You can say that again,” Vieck added, not looking up from his phone while B snorted in my face. Jerk. “So, you gonna tell us about your boy toy?”

“He’s not a fucking toy,” I growled. “Jamie’s it for me. Always has been, but I was just…”

“Terrified of the ramifications? Worried about how people would react? What might happen to you and the team?” Three pairs of eyes turned to Vieck who finally glanced up from his phone. “What?”

“Dude, that was deep.” McCormack looked at our friend like he’d never seen him before. I felt the same, but I guess everyone had layers—you just didn’t get to see under them most of the time.

With a deep sigh, Vieck pocketed his phone and crossed his arms over his chest. “Look, I know we all get sucked into upholding the heteronormative culture that gets pushed down our throats, but not all of us fit in it.”

“What are you saying, Jordan?” B asked softly.

“I’m bi, okay? I might tip more towards boobs, but I love a bit of dick too.” Vieck smirked, and the ambiguous tension that had been building in the room dissipated.

I couldn’t help but laugh, and the guys wore matching smirks. “Guess I got myself into a shit situation when I didn’t need to. If I’d known…”

“You’d have had to talk to us then, Cap,” Vieck added as he snatched and drained McCormack’s beer before asking if he had another. McCormack wiggled his eyebrows and held a fresh bottle over his head, taunting Vieck, and the two started bickering.

“Done,” B said and smoothed down the shoulders of my jacket and gave me a small smile. “Tonight is gonna be fine. Trust in us and your boy. He’s going to look amazing. Levi is incredible at what he does. The real question is—can you keep it in your pants?”

“Fuck you,” I muttered, but it held no heat because he wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Jamie had described some of the outfits he was be walking in, and fuck me.

“It’s alright, I’ve got Kleenex,” McCormack joked, and Vieck slapped him over the head.

“Don’t be a dick. There’s some fine ass going to be up there tonight, trust me.” Vieck winked.

“Jesus. I’m surrounded by horny fuckers.” McCormack groaned and checked his watch. “We need to get going if we’re going to make the pre-show drinks.” He rubbed his hands together. “I’ve never been to a pre anything before. This is going to be so cool.”

“Child. You’re a damn man-child.” Buchanan laughed and motioned for us to get out of my room. “Let’s go. We’re taking my car, because I am not getting this suit wet for no one.”

We filed out of the building and jumped into B’s car. The wind and rain were picking up, and what should have been a quick drive took us nearly fifteen minutes. My nerves were eating away at me, and no amount of deep breathing was helping. My knee bounced erratically, my heart hammered a chaotic staccato rhythm against my ribs, and I had to keep rubbing my sweaty palms on my trousers. By the time we stepped onto the blacktop by the exhibition center, I was ready to puke.

A line had already formed on the white carpet they’d rolled out, and the windows looked like snowflakes were falling down them. The excitement level was palpable as we straightened our suits and headed in, flashing our passes to the guys on door. The outside display had nothing on the transformation that had taken place on the inside of the hall. The glass walls were draped with swathes of white fabric with twinkling lights behind them, giving off a muted glow. Small tables were littered around the edges of the space. People I didn’t recognize stood around them, having quiet conversations with drinks in their hands. But it was the ceiling that captivated my attention; it resembled a cloudy night sky with falling snowflakes. It looked so real you just wanted to touch it and capture one of the snowflakes in the palm of your hand.

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