Page 42 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“H-how?”

“I was on my way to the lake to do…” He shook his head, and his curls bounced around his jaw line. “That’s not important.” I opened my mouth, but he placed his finger on my lips, silencing me. “I heard you cry out. I mean, I didn’t know it was you, but yeah. You get what I mean.” A smile curved my lips at his bleeding heart.

“I do,” I croaked, my throat itchy and dry. I rubbed at my neck with my hand, trying to alleviate the pressure.

“Oh.” He leaned over, unzipped his bag, and produced a bottle of water and handed it to me. I sat up slowly. The world wavered around me before I braced myself against the tree at my back and drank down the cool water as Jamie continued to explain how he found me. How he pulled me out of the grip of a panic attack and coaxed me into being able to breathe again. Fuck, he was too much. Too good for me. He was damn well perfect, and I was a toxic fuck up of epic proportions.

I brushed the back of my hand over my mouth, wiping away the water I’d spilled down my chin while Jamie laughed at me. “T-Thank you, Jamie. Really.” I reached out and laced my fingers through his, my thumb gently stroking over his. Fuck, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to show him how I felt without words, because I’d never be able to articulate this burning need inside me.

“Come.” Jamie popped up and pulled on my hand until he dragged me to my feet. I wobbled for a second, my knees threatening to buckle as wave after wave of exhaustion battered me. “I know you’re tired but I want to show you somewhere. It’s where I go when it all gets too much. I think you’ll like it. It...it reminds me of home.” He looked up at me expectantly, his eyes twinkling in the dappled light filtering through the trees.

“Home?” Our home hasn’t been the same for five years—not since he left and abandoned me. Wrath stirred in my gut, churning the contents of my stomach. I sucked in a deep breath and locked away the hate, allowing myself this moment with him, because only an idiot would believe we would get a happily ever after. I’d have to settle for a fleeting happiness for now. Live in the moment. I’d grab it with both fucking hands.

“Yes.” He bounced on the balls of his feet and slung his bag over his shoulder before leading me on a meandering path through the trees. His soft hand wrapped around mine, growing slicker the longer we walked, and his breathing grew shallower as a tantalizing pink blush stained his cheeks.

“Nervous?” I joked as he nibbled his plump bottom lip. Memories of how full and soft it felt against mine played through my mind as I blindly followed him farther into the woods. I’d never ventured this far before. I didn’t even know if we were still on campus grounds but right now I didn’t give a fuck. I was with the only person I could ever be myself with, and that had to count for something, right?

A coy smile lit up Jamie’s face as he looked at me over his shoulder. “Kinda,” he mumbled. “Not far now. I hope it helps you like it does me. There’s something kinda magical about it.”

A chuckle slipped past my lips, and he stuck his tongue out at me. “If it means something to you, I’m sure I’ll love it.” Like I love you.

“Ha! Alright, well, we’ll see. Close your eyes.”

“You’re joking, right?”

Jamie shook his head, a somber expression on his face. “I never joke about things that are important to me. You know that, Dil.” That I did. Whether or not it was a conscious choice, Jamie had built a wall around himself that was a mile high and an ocean deep. In all the years I’d known him, I’d been his only friend. You could have been more too. He was all things sunshine and light, perfectly polite and friendly to everyone he met, charming them with his smile and bewitching them with his beautiful eyes, but he never let anyone in. I’d never questioned it when I was younger, but now all I had were questions.

“Promise you won’t lead me into a hole?”

He shoved my shoulder. “Obviously not.”

I inhaled and my eyes fluttered closed. “I’m at your mercy now, so be kind.” The double entendre wasn’t lost on me, but Jamie just hummed and guided me along. The ground changed and sloped under my feet, but he never let me fall or stumble. He guided me around objects in my way and coaxed me to climb down a bank before helping me step up onto something solid. The air felt cooler and smelled fresher. Purer, somehow.

“That’s it. Now, sit down.” My head whipped in his direction, and I arched a questioning brow.

“Trust me, remember?” I nodded my assent and folded myself down on the solid surface. It was cold and rough under my hand as I used it to steady myself. Jamie huffed a breath at me. I could almost feel the warmth of the smile on his face and my lips quirked.

“Can I open them now?”

“Yes,” he whispered, his soft lips brushing against the shell of my ear. I let out a shuddering breath, not expecting him to have been that close to me. I could feel his body heat radiating off him even through the layers I wore.

I peeled my eyes open and allowed them to adjust to the glaring brightness. It took a couple of seconds for my brain to fully process what I was witnessing. My mouth opened and closed like a fish as I failed to find words for, well, everything.

My heart thundered in my chest. I felt closer to Jamie than I had in five years. Not just physically or geographically, but emotionally. One of our favorite places growing up was the creek behind his house, closely followed by the beach where we’d whiled away hours of our childhood during the long hot summers when we were left to our own devices.

Emotion clogged my throat, and tears pricked my eyes. I’d thought I was all cried out after my panic attack, but now a fresh wave was upon me. Jamie stared at me with those wild beguiling eyes of his, and something inside of me snapped. My hand cupped his smooth cheek before my fingers sunk into his hair and angled his head. “Thank you, little crow,” I breathed against his lips.

The tip of my tongue teased against the seam of his full lips, pleading for entry. He gasped and shuddered at the sensation, and his hands curled around the nape of my neck, pulling me closer. His lips parted, opening up for me, offering himself up for me to devour. I licked into his mouth and groaned as his tongue tangled with mine. Blood whooshed in my ears as I lost myself to the feel of his mouth against mine.

I swallowed down the soft whimpers that worked their way up Jamie’s throat as he laved his tongue against mine. His sweet caramel scent saturated my senses until we broke apart, gasping for breath. He had never looked more beautiful than he did right now, with his cheeks flushed a deep red and his lips swollen and slick from my saliva.

“Dil,” he breathed before pulling me back down to him. I lost myself in the molten intensity of his pale-blue eyes as wonder and lust flooded them. “Kiss me.” He didn’t have to ask me twice. I tightened my grip, tangling my fingers in his hair as my mouth smashed down against his. My tongue speared past his lips as I owned every inch of his tempting mouth.

“Fuck, baby.” I groaned as his tongue wrapped around mine. I kissed him until my lungs screamed and burned. I drank down every soft mewl and needy moan until black dots danced across my vision. “Jamie.” I sucked on his full bottom lip and rolled it between my teeth, pulling it back and releasing it with a pop.

“More,” he whined as I kissed a path across his jaw and up to his ear, sinking my teeth into his lobe. Jamie turned his head and arched his neck, baring his throat to me. His pulse thundered against his delicate skin as I ran my tongue from the base of his neck to the sensitive skin just below his ear and blew on his overheated skin until he shuddered.

I traced my nose along his neck, inhaling his sweet scent mixed with salty sweat. The combination was intoxicating and had me desperate for things I’d never done before. Things I’d only ever dreamed of doing with him but had never dared to hope for. I wanted to taste him, to kiss and own every inch of his skin. I needed to trace every freckle with the tip of my tongue. I guided Jamie down onto his back on the rock he’d guided me too mere minutes before and slipped his bag under his head.

---