Page 39 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“I’ll be as quick as I can. You gonna be alright while I go and get her?”

“Y-yeah?”

It took seven hours to get Jamie out. He’d been alone and terrified all that time. I didn’t have a phone, and Jamie’s mom wasn’t home. None of the neighbors knew where she was. By the time I finally found her, hours had passed. Once we got back to the house, Jamie was hysterical and couldn’t stop crying. The doctor had to sedate him, because he was shaking so badly.

Jamie’s hysterical scream snapped me back to the depravity of the present. His head cracked on the concrete floor, his body jolting from the force as he skidded into the unit storing toxic chemicals. The guys laughed as Jamie’s screams turned to pained whimpers, each one like a bullet to my soul. They pulled everything off the shelves. Cleaning supplies, buckets, and tools scattered across the room as they fell to the floor. Jamie curled into the fetal position, his arms braced over his head to protect himself as things landed on him, making him grunt.

A loud whistle pierced the air, silencing everyone. They all left the small room and turned off the light. “This is my favorite part,” Stevens whispered into my ear as someone else appeared with two large buckets filled with water.

“What the fuck are you going—” My words froze as they threw the contents of the buckets into the room, drenching Jamie and flooding the floor.

“Get the lights,” someone shouted, and my heart turned to lead. I didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as Jamie after this. I knew what it would do to him. It would fuck him over more than I intended. All I wanted to do was scare him enough so he’d leave, and my secrets would stay hidden. So I could live my life and get out from under my dad’s control.

The door slammed shut, the click of the lock an ominous sound as the alarm fell silent. In the blink of an eye, everyone scrambled out, darting in different directions. Jamie’s haunting wails stalked me as I ran from the building.

My heart was pounding so hard it was about to shatter my ribs. I ran until my knees buckled, and I crashed to the ground, gasping for breath, my body tight and aching. I dragged myself under the trees for cover. My stomach revolted as bile surged up my throat, and I emptied the contents of my gut until I was retching on nothing but air.

I rolled onto my back. Sweat dripped down my temples and soaked through the shirt on my back. Tears seared my eyes as guilt ate away at me. “What have I done? What have I done?” I was the worst of the worst. I might not have thrown him into the janitor’s closet or doused him with water, but I am the reason he is suffering. I am weak. Pathetic. A disgusting excuse for a human being. I will be condemned for the rest of my life for what I allowed to happen today, all because I wanted to keep my truth a secret. But I’ve done it at the expense of the most amazing and loving person I’ve ever known. I might hate him, but does he really deserve this?

CHAPTER

SIXTEEN

JAMIE

The silence was so thick and heavy it suffocated me, clawing its way into my lungs and stealing every particle of air. My throat was raw, burned from the inside out from every scream that was wrenched from me against my will. Blood dripped from my nose and coated my mouth, staining my lips as I dragged my tongue over them. The slightest movement ached and echoed though me as I slowly cataloged every pulsing point of pain that blazed with white-hot intensity.

I tried to move, to call out for help now the blaring alarm and abusive words had stopped, but it was too much. The fragile grip I had on my consciousness started to fade and slip through my fingers. At least if I let go, the pain would stop, and I’d feel some semblance of peace. I wondered if this was how Mom felt every time Dad beat her. I would listen to her screams from the safety of my closet until the house fell under an unearthly silence that flushed my skin with goosebumps, and I would selfishly pray she’d still be alive the following day. I knew I was too small to survive my father’s brand of love. It was a weak and selfish thought, but I needed her. I still do. I miss her so much.

“You’re stronger than this, Jamie. Don’t give in. Get up, baby. Get up.”

“Mom,” I wheezed, my arm outstretched on the cold cement floor, reaching for a ghost that wasn’t there.

I didn’t know how much time had passed since they locked me in here. It had lost all meaning. It could have been minutes, hours, days, even. They left me to endure. To suffer. They wanted to break me. To make me run. What they didn’t know was I had nowhere to run to. When you’ve spent years running from the devil, a lesser monster holds no power. And that’s all they were—a bunch of assholes on a power trip. I didn’t understand why they had it out for me, only that they did.

“Jamie? Oh fuck. Jamie?” Dillon’s voice was etched with anguish. I’d been so lost in my marauding thoughts and pain, I hadn’t heard his approach.

“W-what.” I licked at my dry lips. “What a-are you d-doing here?”

“I…” A breath shuddered out of him. I felt the air move as he fell to the floor next to me, his knees landing close to my head, the scuff of denim on the concrete floor like sandpaper on my brain. “Fuck, little crow…” His words felt like a physical touch, something tangible I could cling to in the darkness. A spark of hope.

“D-Dil… p-please…” I wanted him to wrap his arms around me. To feel safe. To go back five years when the future looked bright and full of possibilities. I wanted too much, even though I knew I could never have it. I’d prayed for another chance with him, for us. But we were on opposite sides of the board. We were enemies. There wasn’t a line drawn between us; there was a canyon that grew wider every day. I just didn’t understand why, and maybe I never would.

“Shhh, little crow, I’ve got you. I’ll get you out of here and make sure you’re safe.” His words were whisper soft, a gentle caress. A promise that sounded so sweet I couldn’t resist. I breathed them in, committed them to memory, and then buried them.

“O-okay,” I managed to grit out. My teeth chattered as my body recoiled from violent convulsions. My wet clothes clung to me like a layer of burning ice, numbing my skin but intensifying the pain that shot through me. His hands slipped under my legs and wrapped around my chest, causing my breathing to hitch as he jostled me.

“Try to relax, baby. This will hurt, but I’ll be as gentle as I can be.” His feet shifted around me, heat radiating off his body as he painstakingly maneuvered me off the floor. A scream tore free from my lungs as he lifted me bridal-style into the air. He jostled me in his arms as his grip wavered until gravity pulled me into his body, and his arms locked around me.

I felt like I was flying, soaring above the clouds, even though I was trapped in darkness. Safe, yet my head was facing an unending abyss. “D-Dil? Can y-you…”

“Oh shit, hang on.” His firm muscles strained and rippled as his hands shifted on my abused skin. A jolt shot through me as he pulled the bag off my head, and I tasted sweet, sweet air. I sucked greedy mouthfuls down into my lungs as stars danced across my vision, unable to focus on anything. “Are you okay?” His tentative question was threaded with fear. He knew. He could see me, but he asked anyway.

I couldn’t speak. Every word turned to ash on my tongue as a wave of nausea rolled through me, and the taste of copper in my mouth turned to acid. I nodded, a barely perceptible movement, but the look of understanding in his sorrow-edged eyes let me know he understood.

I curled into the sanctuary his body offered as he moved on silent feet to the open doorway. The bright light of the corridor was blindingly bright and made my eyes water. I blinked to clear the welling tears as too many emotions battled inside me, threatening to overwhelm me. I rested my head against his chest, focusing on the erratic pounding of his heart as he stalled for a second, his body swaying as if he was paralyzed. I felt more than heard him suck in a deep inhale, and then he was running. His footsteps were like a metronome, swaying us from side to side as he raced through the building toward the exit on nimble legs.

The world blurred around me as he moved faster than my brain could process. The world flickered in and out of focus around me like the old-fashioned black and white movies. Dillon’s panted breaths were hot against my chilled skin. They were the only thing that let me know this was real, and I wasn’t dreaming. “Shit,” he ground out as the sound of voices rang out around us, and the air buzzed with anticipation. The chatter of students grew louder and louder until Dillon cursed again and abruptly changed direction. “We’re going to have to go by the sports fields, because everyone has been corralled in the quad. You’re goin’ to have to hang on a little longer, little crow.”

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