Page 37 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“Nope.” My glare made Stevens chuckle. “There’s such a thing as plausible deniability here, Cap. The team needs you, especially after that game.” He wasn’t wrong there. We might have pulled a win, but it was a mess, and Coach was riding our asses after the defensive line crumbled.

I grunted in response and kicked back my chair. “Are you coming?”

“Nah, but I’ll see you in an hour though.” Stevens winked at me before turning his attention to his phone, effectively dismissing me.

It wasn’t far to the mathematics building from the library. The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky, elongating the shadows and making them take on a sinister edge. Everything had changed on campus, yet somehow, it was still the same. If I was the introspective type, I believe I’d realize it was me that had profoundly changed since the semester started, but I wasn’t that kind of person. I didn’t believe in that kind of shit anyway.

The room was empty when I slipped through the door about ten minutes before our lecture was due to start. I made my way up the steps and took my usual seat at the back where I could be left alone. We didn’t have assigned seating, but as time passed, I realized no one had moved from where we sat on our first day, whether it was a conscious decision or not.

My heart beat erratically and trepidation coiled through me as I drummed my fingers on the table. Jamie hadn’t noticed we had this subject together, and with the way things currently were, I hoped he didn’t. Nothing good could come from it, and I had a feeling that after today, everything would change again. Whether it would be for better or worse was still to be decided. Sitting at the back gave me the perfect opportunity to watch unencumbered as he interacted with the others. Always the introvert, he would barely acknowledge the guy sitting next to him unless we were made to discuss the problem presented on the whiteboard.

The room filled with noise as students filtered in and took their seats. I pulled my laptop out of my bag and checked the group chat to see if anyone had let anything slip about what they were planning today, but it was quiet. Eerily quiet. And that unnerved me more than anything. Before I could focus on the tension growing inside me, Mr. Velecote walked in and silence fell over the room.

“Morning, everyone. I hope you all took the time to read and review everything we’ve been working on the last two weeks, because today we have a pop quiz.” A collective groan rang out along with a few muttered curses. I shoved my laptop back into my bag and waited for the paper to be passed along the rows.

The door creaked open and somebody stumbled through, capturing the attention of the room. My heart lurched up my throat when I realized the disheveled person was Jamie. Cheeks flushed, clothes askew, he looked like he’d been dragged through a bush backwards. He caught himself on the front row and righted himself before straightening his clothes.

“Nice of you to join us, Mr. Bowen.”

“I-I’m—” Jamie stuttered, gasping for breath.

Velecote’s voice took on a biting edge, which was completely out of character for him. “I’d have thought you’d know your time table by now and manage to be in the right place at the right time. Perhaps you could drum up an ounce of respect for me and your fellow students and arrive on time in the future.” Jamie folded in on himself and tucked his chin into his chest.

“What are you waiting for?” Velecote bellowed. “Take your seat this instant, or you’ll get an automatic fail.” Jamie flinched like he’d been physically struck, his knees shaking as he shuffled to his seat. I white knuckled the wooden table so hard I’m amazed it didn’t crack under the pressure. It took everything within me not to haul my ass down to the front and introduce Mr. Velecote to my fist.

“S-sorry, sir,” Jamie responded meekly as he slumped in his seat.

“Now that you’ve had your afternoon delight...” That earned a round of chuckles. Mr. Velecote looked down at his wrist, his thumb and index finger poised around the watch face. “You have forty-five minutes to complete the quiz, but when your time is up, you’re done whether you have completed it or not. Your time starts now.”

I chanced one last glance at Jamie before working through the inane multiple choice questions on the first page. Time merged into one big blur, the questions blending into each other. It was difficult to focus when I knew something was coming, and my gaze kept landing on Jamie. He sat slumped in his seat, curled over the table, but nothing could hide the way his body vibrated—whether through fear or anger, I could only guess. I was ready to throw the test when an alarm sounded. My heart stalled mid-beat, my only thought was to get to Jamie and wrap him in my arms. To keep him safe, no matter what it might cost me.

There had never been a fire drill when lectures were in session before, so this had to be a real incident. Noise exploded in the room, footsteps thundering on the floors as everyone rushed toward the exit. Except for Jamie, who cowered in his chair while Mr. Velecote loomed over him. I was singularly focused on the object of my obsession when four men dressed in all black and wearing ski masks stormed into the room. Frozen to the spot, all I could do was watch as everything unfolded. Three of the guys surrounded Jamie and pinned his head and arms to the table. Try as he might, he couldn’t fight them off. I could tell he was screaming but couldn’t hear anything above the wailing alarm.

Pain bloomed in my chest, spreading outward like poison with every raging beat of my heart. I stormed down the stairs, ready to confront the men, when my eyes snagged on the fourth guy shaking hands with Velecote before he slipped out the faculty door.

“No fucking way.” I clenched my jaw and balled my fists, ready to take a swing. This was what Stevens had planned? As if he could feel my eyes on him, he turned and waved in my direction, motioning for me to join them. “What the fuck are you doing?”

His low chuckle sent shivers across my skin. “I told you to stay tuned.” Malice coated his usually playful voice, and it made me realize that I didn’t really know anyone past the facade they presented on the surface. “If he doesn’t leave after this, I have one more idea that will end him.”

Refusing to give credence to his words, I turned my back on him and watched as the others hauled Jamie to his feet and pulled a sack over his head. Jamie fought with everything he had, and I just stood there like a piece of shit as they dragged him out of the room, his feet trailing on the ground.

“Come on, man, we don’t have a lot of time.”

I followed behind Stevens as my stomach revolted, and bile burned the back of my throat. My chest felt like it was being crushed under a ton of weight. Guilt slithered over my skin, coating me in an icy tar. I was disgusted. I was retched. I fucking hated myself as I stood by watching and doing nothing to help the boy I loved.

The edges of my vision started to darken as shadows swallowed the light from my world. I trailed behind them down the corridor, every step becoming harder as my feet tried to fuse with the ground to prevent me from being part of this atrocious act. I was the one who should be condemned, because I started this. I told them to make him leave. I was the one who set the devil free. The continuous blaring of the alarm acted like a countdown timer, covering Jamie’s screams.

One of the guys held the janitor’s closet open, swinging the keys around his finger like this was a normal everyday occurrence. “Come on, come on. We’ve only got about three minutes before they turn it off.”

Stevens chuckled behind me. “Has Spencer got the containers ready?”

“You know it,” the guy on the door said with a chuckle.

“Good. Throw him in.”

It felt like an out-of-body experience as they threw Jamie into the small dirty room that smelled like stale smoke and chemicals. I was frozen to the spot, my body locked up tight, every muscle begging me to move, to make it stop, but I couldn’t. I was trapped in a cage of my own making, screaming at them to stop inside my mind but unable to do anything.

The thud of Jamie’s body as it crashed into the shelves lanced through me, fracturing every part of me. Fear wrapped around my throat like a boa constrictor, stealing the air from my lungs as I was pulled into a memory, one I had long since forgotten.

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