Page 26 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Elise huffed and stroked my arms. “I wasn’t feeling very well. That’s why I left.” Bullshit. I’d treated her like shit coz I wasn’t interested, yet here the crazy bitch is. “I wondered if you wanted to go to the party on Greek Row this weekend?” She fluttered her lashes as her hands worked up my biceps.

“Fuck no. Take the hint, Elise. I’m not interested in washed-up whores.” I pushed her away, not caring if she ended up on the ground or not.

“You’re making a mistake, Dillon Hargraves!” she screamed, and stomped her feet attracting even more attention.

“The only mistake I made was giving you a second of my time.” Laughter eddied around me, along with whoops and cheers. I swear I also heard someone say, “Ding dong the bitch is dead,” but I didn’t care. I wasn’t here for her or them. I had one goal. Well, maybe two now as I had to get rid of the ghost from my past before anyone found out about me. The crowd parted like the Red Sea, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Elise’s wailing faded behind the chatter of the other students.

“Well, that was more entertaining than anything I’ve seen in a long time,” Buchanan said with a smirk. We grabbed one of the benches outside Bean There and waited for the rest of the guys to join us.

“Ugh. It is what it is,” I said with a shrug, playing the arrogant jock role that was expected of me.

“You know she’s going to get you back for embarrassing her,” McCormack said, coming up alongside me and handing me my coffee.

I took a long drink, groaning as the rich liquid slid down my throat. After wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, I replied, “Don’t care. She’s not my problem. Elise can go cry to Daddy all she likes.”

“You know she’s connected, right?”

“I’m not afraid of her, Vieck. I’m too valuable to Briar U for them to do anything.” Arrogant maybe, but it was the truth nonetheless. They didn’t have a backup quarterback that could replace me. Davies was a sophomore, but he was still green. Far too green to be a threat to me. Coach knew how hyper-focused I was and used that to his advantage. He wouldn’t kick me off the team any time soon.

“If you say so,” he muttered into his latte.

“Anyone know where Stevens vanished off to?” I ran my gaze over Vieck, Buchanan, McCormack, and the rest of the team that decided to tag along, and all of them shook their heads. I hadn’t seen him since we showered, but he’d been bouncing around like a damn puppy before that. The guys broke into conversation about practice and the weights season we had later this afternoon. We had two weeks until our first preseason friendly, and we needed to come out hard, so conditioning was at the forefront of everyone’s minds.

“Cap! Cap!”

“Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.” I looked up and followed McCormack’s gaze. Stevens sauntered toward us with a big grin on his face.

“Where the hell did you go?”

“I went to see a man about a dog.” He chuckled.

“What the?—”

“Shh, Cap, I’ve got good news.” Stevens smirked. “I went to see my person who does back office admin for the administration department. They have access to the student directory and all their records. And I hopefully have what you want in these files.”

I nodded. “That was fast.”

“Well, after what you said on Saturday, I paid them a little visit and voila.” He spread four folders out in front of me. I scanned the names, but none of them matched Jamie Abernathy. My stomach dropped like a lump of lead. I’d seen him! He was here. But if there was no matching record, what did that mean?

“I know the names don’t match, but this one—” He thrust a folder at me, flicking it open to a photocopy of their student ID. My heart stopped mid beat, and my blood whooshed through my ears. “This one fits your description of him.”

I reached out with a shaky hand and snatched the file off Stevens. I could feel the weight of everyone’s eyes on me, but I ignored it and the pickle of goosebumps that spread across my skin. If we did this, there would be no going back. I knew that. I knew this would irreparably hurt him—my little crow. But without a shadow of a doubt, the secret he knew had the power to destroy me. Without football, what was I? I didn’t know, and I sure as fuck didn’t want to find out.

“That’s him,” I muttered as confusion grew within me. Why was my Jamie registered here as Jamie Bowen? Had his parents gotten divorced? Is that why he and his mom vanished one night, never to be heard from again?

“Sweet.” Vieck grinned. “What’s the plan then?”

“Well…” I shared a conspiratorial look with Vieck, McCormack, Buchanan, and Stevens before launching into my plan for how to get rid of my little problem. This would be the hardest thing I’ve ever done—not that they knew it. I felt so much guilt over lying to them about why I hated Jamie, but at the end of the day, there is no ‘I’ in team, and here at Briar U, it’s every man for himself. I was going to make sure I was the last man standing—no matter how much it hurt the boy I loved.

Morning lectures passed in the blink of an eye. Apparently, my showdown with Elise was the talk of campus if the conversations I overheard were anything to go by. I found it amusing the amount of disgusted looks I got from her sycophant followers, but to me it was like water off a duck’s back. I had much more important things to do than worry about people’s opinion of me.

The late afternoon sun was out in full force, the heat beating down like I was walking in a sauna. I wiped the sweat off my brow as I headed toward the gym for my afternoon weights session. My mind ran over everything I had planned for my little crow when a group of students caught my eye. Jamie’s blond curls shone like spun strands of gold in the sunlight. He threw his head back and laughed, light and carefree. The smile curving his lips made my heart squeeze. At one time, that smile belonged to me, but now it was out there for everyone to consume. My gut twisted as envy slithered through me.

On Saturday, Jamie looked beautiful. Fragile, yet ethereal. The gold glitter flakes that covered his face over his eyes accentuated the color of his hair, and his smokey eyeshadow brought out the depth in the steel band that ringed his pale-blue eyes.

One look at him had stolen my breath and released every tarnished memory I’d had of him from the deepest recesses of my mind. But today, the image before me brought forth the urge to claim him as mine. He was mine. Mine to love. Mine to destroy.

No one got to touch him but me. No one got to hurt him but me.

---