Page 8 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“It’s part of our scholarship agreements. We have to stay in the accommodation provided, or we lose our funding.”

“Oh,” Aunt Clara said, dropping his hand like she’d forgotten she was still holding it. “I guess I missed that bit. Right, well, I won’t cramp your style, boys.” She gave a tight smile as if she could fool anyone that those weren’t tears pooling in her eyes as she looked at me.

Without conscious thought, I threw my arms around her shoulders and hugged her tightly. “I’m gonna miss you. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me,” I croaked, as the first tear slid down my cheek. I felt like I would lose the last connection to my mom when she walked out that door, so I clung on extra tight.

“Shhhh, kid. It’s gonna be alright.” She kissed the top of my head and ran her hands up and down my back. The continuous movement helped to soothe me. “I’m never further than a phone call away.” She chuckled. “And you know Jessie will be phoning you once she’s back from school.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Aunt Clara took a step back, braced her hands on my shoulders, gave me a final squeeze, and looked into my eyes. “She would be so proud of you, JJ. Don’t doubt yourself, because she wouldn’t want that. Live life, get involved, and enjoy this amazing experience.”

“Sure.” I sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.

“Right boys, I’ll be off.” With a wave over her shoulder, she slipped out the door, and when it clicked shut, I felt a shudder roll through me like a crashing wave. I felt untethered in a way I hadn’t done before. So much had changed in the last five years, all of it beyond my control, but this felt too big, too impossible. Like I was in the Matrix, and Morpheous was giving me a choice—take the red pill and my life would stay the same, or take the blue pill and nothing would ever be the same again. I just didn’t know if this change would be a good thing or not.

A throat clearing pulled me back from my mental spiral, and I looked at Malachi through my lashes. All pretenses of the confidence I’d tried to convince myself I had fled at that moment. “Umm.” I licked my tear-stained lips and shrugged. “Sorry about that.”

“Hey, Jamie, it’s no biggie.” He smiled that impossibly bright smile, and my lips curled in response. “How about I help you get unpacked, then take you for a coffee and introduce you to some more people like us?”

It sounded too good to be true. He wanted to help me unpack and introduce me to his friends? I’d never met anyone like that before. Now, that’s a lie, isn’t it? Well, no one other than him. But that was a lifetime ago, and it wasn’t like I’d ever see him again.

I coughed to clear the lump in my throat. “Sure, sounds good.”

“Sweet! What d’ya wanna do? Make your bed or unpack your clothes?”

I smiled. “I’ll do clothes and all my junk. The bedding should be in the box?—”

“Marked bedding?” Malachi snickered.

“Yup.” I dragged my boxes of clothes over to the closet and started unpacking. I was pleasantly surprised to find hangers in there on one side for my tops and shelves on the other for jeans and pants. Luckily, there was enough space at the bottom for my collection of shoes. It was mind-numbing work, but it helped calm my lingering nerves, and in no time at all, my boxes were unpacked. My stuff littered the shelves, including little knick knacks mom and I had collected together, each one holding a special memory that helped me feel closer to her.

“Gotta say, that’s an improvement. I was getting bored of staring at white walls and a mattress.”

“Oh? What happened to your last roomie?” I said as I plopped down on my bed. The mattress was firm but had a soft top, not the kind of thing I was expecting in a dorm room.

Malachi mirrored me, sitting on his bed while changing his high tops for a pair of rainbow sneakers. My eyes caught on the bright colors, and I wondered if he just loved color or if he was making a statement. I looked up at him with the question on the tip of my tongue.

“I’m ace,” he said, tying off his laces with a small smile on his face.

“I…I…”

“I could see the question on your face, sweet cheeks.”

“Oh.” I chuckled. “Sorry.” My cheeks heated as mortification set in.

“Nah, don’t be. Anyway, people like us have got to stick together.” My mouth fell open and closed like a fish out of water. “It’s okay, y’know? This is a safe space.”

I sucked in a sharp breath and traced a pattern on my thigh, pulling the frayed threads on my jeans. “I’ve never told anyone. Well, no, that’s not entirely true. I haven’t told my family.”

Malachi looked at me with understanding and compassion. “I’m sure your aunt would love you no matter what. She’s got such a pure aura, y’know?” I nodded. I might not be able to see auras, but my aunt was as pure as they came. She loved fiercely, just like Mom, embraced everyone she met, and was always willing to help a stranger. Even though the last two years had been some of the darkest, most challenging of her life—thanks to yours truly—she still did everything she could for me. I owed her and Daire so much. I knew I’d never be able to repay them for all they’d done, but I could try and make them proud.

“I do.” I hiccuped. “There’s just been so much going on recently what with my mom and…” A vise wrapped around my throat, stealing my words. I chewed my lip, and my eyes fell closed. I didn’t realize I’d started crying again until the bed dipped and an arm wrapped around my shoulder.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Malachi said softly.

“I know.” I tried to swallow back my tears. “It’s just it was always meant to be me and mom. We’d talked about it so much, how we’d road trip me to college and call in at a local mom-and-pop diner on the way up and eat burgers and dirty fries and end up with grease stains on our tops but we wouldn’t care… b-because we were together.” I looked up at him through my lashes. Sympathy etched his features as he wiped away my tears. It seemed that now they’d started, I couldn’t find the off switch.

“That sounds awesome.” He sighed. “I wish it was the same for me.” I pulled away and turned to face him, pulling my right leg up to my chest. “My parents couldn’t wait to be rid of me. They thought I was a freak—broken—when I turned sixteen and hadn’t kissed anyone or even had a girlfriend. My pa tried to convince himself I was playing the field on the down-low.”

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