Page 63 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“Is there something you’d like to share with your fellow students, Mr. Bowen?” Velecote’s voice boomed in the now silent room. You could have heard a pin drop. But all I could focus on was the hitch in Jamie’s breathing and the tremor running through his body.

“No sir. I just?—”

“That’s enough. Eyes front, or I’ll make you stay behind after class.”

I clenched my fist tight enough to snap the pen I was holding, and a growl rumbled my chest. “That fucker?—”

Jamie’s hand landed on my arm, stealing my focus. It was only then that I realized I was halfway out of my seat. “It’s alright, big guy.” His tentative voice shook me to the core. “He’s just got it out for me. Not everyone is gonna like me, you know that.” But they did, and that was the problem. He was the walking definition of sunshine—kind, sweet, and caring. He’d give the shirt off his back to a stranger if they needed it. He was the best of humanity wrapped up in one perfect package, and he’d chosen me. Fate was a cruel fucking master. My chest ached as guilt wrapped around my heart.

I scrubbed my hand down my face and whispered to myself, “What the fuck have I done?”

This is all my fault, and I felt like shit because of it. I had to speak to the guys and call this off. Things had gone too far already; involving the faculty had never been part of the plan. Stevens had a lot to answer for. That bastard was avoiding me even more than that fuckface Chad was. Guilt decimated me. It was like being stabbed repeatedly in the heart by a rusty blade and unable to escape. I created this shitstorm and I had to fix it—without him finding out before I could tell him.

“Oh my god, that’s him.”

“He sure can take it.”

“What a whore.”

The room felt electrically charged, and Jamie froze next to me. My gut plummeted through my feet as mocking laughter echoed around us. I pulled out of my meandering thoughts and nearly threw up in my mouth when my eyes locked on the image on the board. “Fucking hell. I’m going to puke.” The words were out before I could stop them. Jamie flinched before packing up his stuff.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the image on the screen. Someone had very skillfully manipulated a still from either a porn site or an Only Fans account. It was as hot as it was fucking disturbing. Jamie being double penetrated by two massive guys—bulging glistening muscles and all—with his head thrown back in ecstasy while they held his lithe body between them as they kissed over his shoulder. The words “FUCKING LITTLE FAGGOT” were written above the image. I knew this was fake, but fuck, who ever did this had done an amazing job.

My heart pounded like a war drum. I was out for fucking blood. I didn’t care how many bones I’d have to break. I’d find out who did this. The noise volume rose exponentially as Jamie retched beside me. My hand shot out to hold his, but my eyes remained resolutely focused. I knew he was a virgin. It was the singularly most spectacular moment of my life when I sank into his tight heat. When he gave all of himself to me—it was a gift from fucking heaven. I finally understood why sex had made my skin crawl before, but I’d done it to make sure I fitted in. That my secret was safe. But with Jamie, it was life-altering. Life affirming. It was like coming home after being lost for years.

“D-Dil.” His broken voice shattered my heart. Tears spilled down his face as the rest of the room howled with laughter and snapped pictures of him. “I…”

“I’ve got you, baby.” I cupped his face and rested my forehead on his. I felt like I was the king of the word when he sighed and melted into me. “Let’s get out of here.” Jamie stumbled on legs that wouldn’t hold him as I snatched up our bags and led him down the stairs to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going, Mr. Bowen?” The accusatory tone in Velecote’s voice had me seeing red. I wanted to rearrange his face with my fist until he was unrecognizable. Jamie’s shattered whimper held me back.

“We’re leaving. I’ll ensure the dean hears about this.” Without waiting to hear his response, I guided Jamie from the room before he had to endure anymore of that shit. His legs collapsed as the door slammed shut, and the silence in the corridor was a welcome reprieve.

“I… I d-didn’t… D-Dil?—”

“I know, baby. That image was photoshopped. I’ll find out who did it and make sure all traces of it are deleted.” His watery smile gutted me. I hated that he was hurting. Hurting because of me. Because people had gone wild and turned this into so much more than it was ever intended to be. I couldn’t wait for the day I left this place, and if I had my way, I’d be taking Jamie with me.

“Dil.” He cupped my cheek with a shaky hand and licked his lips. “Make me forget. Please.” I kissed his forehead as tears poured down his cheeks. His agony and humiliation saturated the air.

“I will, little crow.” I adjusted him in my arms so he could wrap his legs around my hips. Luckily, classes ran for another twenty minutes, which would give me enough time to get him squared away in my dorm. “First, I need to get you out of here and somewhere safe.”

“Okay. I trust you.” Fuck, baby, I wish you didn’t. The countdown timer was dangerously close to zero, and I prayed I wouldn’t be one of the casualties when it detonated.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-FIVE

JAMIE

“Jamie, you’re being unreasonable!”

“The hell I am, Uncle Daire. I’m fine. Everything is fine.” I’m the biggest goddamn liar who’s ever lied. Everything was so not fine. I wanted to buy a cabin in the woods and never see another person again. I fucking hated the world. I couldn’t leave my dorm without people pointing, whispering, and laughing about me. After that damn calculus class, that image had been everywhere. It went around Briar U like wildfire between students and faculty alike. Dillon somehow found someone to remove the digital footprint as I’d heard it was doing the rounds on social media platforms. Thank fuck I didn’t have any social media accounts, but once it’s out in the world, it’s never really gone. No matter how many times Dillon said it was taken care of, I still see it every time I close my eyes.

My life felt like a David and Goliath battle, but unlike David, I didn’t have a sling full of stones. I only had myself, and I wasn’t exactly made for war. I wanted to vanish. I wanted to disappear so completely, not even I would remember myself. No feelings. No memories. Just the freedom of oblivion.

With a heavy sigh that made me imagine him pinching his nose, Uncle Daire tried to reason with me again. “I’m not saying you need to lock yourself in your room or anything. I just need you to take precautions?—”

“I know, I know.” I cut him off and plopped down on my bed with a bounce. My eyes burned with the depth of emotion I kept pushing down. I’d face it one day, but today wasn’t that day.

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