Page 36 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“Too late.” My voice was hoarse and strained. I picked up the red splattered paper and flushed hot and cold as the sprawled words on the note registered.

This is only the beginning.

Leave before it gets worse for you.

“What the hell does that mean?” The words carved their way up my dry throat. I looked at my friends, their expressions mirroring each other. Confusion. Anger. A touch of fear. “We need to go. I need a shower and get changed or I’ll be late for my class.”

“Jamie, do you think you’re in the right headspace to go?”

I flinched like I’d been hit at Mal’s words. Logically, I knew he didn’t mean it that way, but I was fine. Shaken, sure, but I had to keep going. That’s one thing Mom taught me; keep going in the face of adversity. Fake it till you make it.

“I’m fine.”

“Sweetie, you’re shaking like a leaf and crying.” I looked up at Ava and she nodded. “You are, JJ. I think you’re in shock.”

“I…” I didn’t know what to say to her. I couldn’t tell that I was, because I didn’t know how I felt. What did that mean? I huffed a breath and shook my head, dropping it so it hung between my shoulders and stared at the ground.

“We need to stay for the SROs before you can go.” I ignored Mal as he and Ava discussed what was best for me. My gaze wandered to the groups of people staring at me, taking photos and pointing. Some were laughing at my misery. Some looked shocked, but it was the group of cheering jocks that snagged my attention. They seemed far too happy with what happened, high fiving and slapping each other on the back.

Only one member of that group wasn’t joining in. His face was as white as a sheet, dark eyes clouded by shadows. He held my gaze for a few seconds before breaking our connection. Shoulders hunched, he turned and walked away, leaving me once again to stare at his retreating form. With his silent dismissal, I finally understood all the ways I could die while still breathing. Did he know this was going to happen?

It took nearly an hour for the SROs to document and interview me, Mal, and Ava before I was allowed to go back to my dorm and shower. Mal offered to come with me, but I insisted he should go to his class. It took far more convincing than I had the energy for, but finally, he relented and dragged Ava with him.

I desperately needed some time by myself to process what had happened. The SROs initially tried to say this was a prank gone a bit too far, but their attitude changed after reading the note and becoming increasingly concerned about what the red liquid was.

It felt like years had passed by the time I was opening the door to my dorm. All I wanted to do was fall face first into my bed and forget this day ever happened. But I couldn’t do that until I washed all this stuff off. It had partially dried and was so tacky it stuck to everything like glue. I managed to peel my top and jeans off, taking half my skin with them before a black envelope in front of the door caught my attention.

“Is this some kind of joke?” I bent down, snagged it off the floor, and flipped it over. It wasn’t addressed to anyone. Weird. I half considered dumping it in the trash and forgetting about it, but morbid curiosity drew me to it. The need to open it became more of a compulsion. Before I gave myself a chance to back out, I ripped it open and upended the contents on my bed.

Sensible? Definitely not, but I couldn’t help myself. “What the…?” I inhaled a sharp breath as four polaroid photos of me landed on my rumpled blankets. All taken here on campus, on different days. Some from far away, others from up close. A sick feeling revolted inside me as fear crawled over my skin and settled into my bones.

My hand shook as I dug my phone out of my bag. My brain screamed at me to call Uncle Daire, because what if this was him? What if he’d finally found me?

But what if it wasn’t? What if it’s another prank? Do you want to waste his time?

My legs gave out from under me, and I crashed into the floor. My phone skidded across the room and under my desk as I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried.

CHAPTER

FIFTEEN

DILLON

The last two weeks had been a hell of my own making and things only seemed to be escalating. They were spiraling beyond my control, and all I could do was sit back and watch the destruction. Jamie was a ray of sunshine that was trapped in eternal darkness, one I had caused. It was my fault for giving the guys carte blanche over what they did to him, and the student body were a bunch of twisted sycophants when it came to the football team, willing to follow any directive they issued.

Stevens took the proverbial bull by the horns after I lied to them about why I hated Jamie so much, and I was racked with guilt over it, drowning more and more every day. I thought Stevens was easy-going, but apparently, that was just a mask he wore. Once that was ripped off, he was the most cruel, vindictive individual I’d ever met. He scared the shit out of me—and that was saying something. His first major offense was the exploding box he had couriered to Jamie during the middle of the day. It was orchestrated so the whole team would be there to witness the events as they unfolded. I ended up walking away in shame as Jamie sat there frozen in shock as blood dripped down his face. The headline the following day in the Briar Chronicles was still a trending topic on campus and followed me around like a bad smell. Box blood bomb: Freshman Prank Gone Wrong or A Cry For Attention?

Every time I closed my eyes, the events of that day and every one since haunted me. I don’t know where Jamie found the strength to keep going, but every day there was a smile on his face, and he treated everyone he came into contact with a level of kindness they didn’t deserve. I was too afraid to talk to him directly, so I became his shadow. He never saw me, but I know he felt my eyes on him. He constantly looked over his shoulder when he was walking around campus and didn’t even feel safe bracketed between his friends.

The guys had been planning something the last few days, but I’d ignored them and focused on our grueling training and conditioning schedule. It was either that, or I’d beat the shit out of every one of them. My already frayed temper was balanced on a knife’s edge, and if anyone so much as breathed near me the wrong way, I would explode. Coach capitalized on it on the field, and it led us to a nail-biting 24 – 21 win in our preseason opener against Amhurst Hall. We celebrated the win, but it felt hollow, considering our defensive line fell apart, adding more fuel to the fire of my building feud with Chad.

“You’ve got calculus next, haven’t you?” I looked up from the sports science assignment I was working on when Stevens slid into the chair next to me.

Keeping my voice hushed, I cast a surreptitious glance around the library. “Yes, why?”

“Oh, nothing really. It just means you’ll have a front row seat to what we have in store next for your boy toy.” The twisted smirk that spread across Stevens’s lips sent a chill down my spine.

“Are you going to clue me in on this?” I asked as I packed up my books.

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