Page 34 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“Tonight?” The wind whipped around us, nipping at my skin. I wrapped my jacket around me, my arms hugging my chest as I tried to remember what was happening tonight but kept coming up blank.

“Yes.” His chuckle made my lips quirk. I peeked up at him through my lashes and caught his indulgent eye roll. “You’ve forgotten, haven’t you, little bookworm.”

I shrugged and shook my head because, yeah. “Maybe.”

“There’s no maybe about it.” He poked my side. “I can tell by the color of your cheeks that you did.” I snorted and bit back a smile. “Every time you lie, you go as red as a tomato.”

“I do not.”

“Oh yes, you do.” He held open the door to Bean There for me, and the blast of heat that hit as we stepped inside was more than welcome. “She’s over there.” Ava sat at a table in the back corner, waving like a maniac at us with three steaming cups in front of her.

“If it isn’t my favorite two people.”

“Hello, rainbow fairy,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her petite frame before slipping into my seat and shucking off my coat.

“He forgot, Aves,” Mal said as he slipped in next to me. The look of outrage on Ava’s face was enough to have me breaking into a laugh.

“How?! Why? Do you not love me?” she chastised. “My little angel, tonight is going to be so much fun. I promise.”

I must have looked as confused as I felt, because Mal said, “You remember when I said Ava was president of the LGBTQ+ club?”

“Mhmmm.” I hid behind my latte, taking a long, drawn-out sip before I could face the incredulous looks on their faces. “I’m sorry, I’ve had a lot going on… it’s been a bit of an adjustment.”

“Sure. Sure.” The weight of Ava’s probing eyes on me made me shrink back into my seat. “Anyway, it’s the first mixer tonight where all the members get together. It’s nothing formal, just a group of us with drinks, nibbles, and some music.”

“Gives us a safe space to be ourselves and talk to like-minded individuals without fear of judgment or reproach,” Mal added.

“And you think I need to go?” I toyed with the zip on my bag, refusing to meet their eyes, knowing what I’d see.

“Yes.”

“I think you do,” they said simultaneously.

“Oh.”

“JJ, my angel.” Ava’s hand landed on mine, giving it a motherly squeeze. My shoulders sank as I finally met her dark eyes. “We all know about your unending crush on he who shall not be named,” she said, using her fingers for air quotations.

“I… I’m not…” I licked my lips, trying to find the right words. “I’m not denying that, and it’s not that I’m not out, per say. I’ve never said either way, other than to my Mom.” Those words hurt more than I wished to admit. “But I’ve never…”

“Never what, Jamie?” Mal’s soft voice made my cheeks heat.

“I’ve never felt that way or even a remote flicker of feeling toward anyone but him.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Ava said in the no-nonsense voice she got when she was about to go to battle on something she felt passionate about, but Mal cut her off.

“Aves is right, there isn’t. It could mean a few things, to be honest.” He waved his hand in front of me before closing his thumb. “One: it could be that you’re still in love with him and refuse to look elsewhere.” He put down his index finger. “Two: you simply might not have found someone who gives you butterflies. So, tonight might be a great opportunity for you.” His middle finger lowers. “Three: you might not feel that spark of connection with someone?—”

“You saying I might be demi?”

“It’s a possibility.” He spread his hands wide. “I can’t tell you, but what I—ouch! Why did you kick me, Ava?”

“We!”

Mal cocked his head to the side and looked at her before understanding bloomed on his face. “What we can do is be here to support you and answer any questions you might have.”

“Exactly! That’s what BFFs do, Jamie.”

Emotion burned the back of my eyes. I tried to blink it away, but the world turned hazy, and my throat was thick. “T-thank you.”

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