Page 33 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“You should be very afraid, my man.” Buchanan’s voice cut through the air with a level of confidence I could only envy in my manic state. “You know Cap’s undefeated. If you’ve got a score to settle, or just fancy gettin’ your ass handed to you like the little bitch you are, Chad, I suggest you speak with Vieck about the next fight night.”

“Yeah, sure.” Chad scoffed and stepped right up to me, his nose a hair’s breadth from mine. “We’re not finished here.” His finger jabbed into my sternum.

“I think you’ll find we are,” I spit, watching with satisfaction as some splattered on his face. “The next time you want to take a swing at me, you’ll be looking up at me from the flat of your back, Chad.”

“Whatever.”

“Nah, man. That’s a promise.”

“Fuck you,” he snarled as he headed down the stairs.

“You’re not my type. You’re pathetic.” I flinched as the words left my mouth, my Dad’s voice on a continuous loop in my head. “Fuck!” My hand snapped out, and the drywall buckled under the unrelenting pressure of my fist. I didn’t feel my skin shred until Buchanan pulled my hand out of the wall.

“Seriously? You let that dick get to you?”

I shook my head. “Wasn’t him.” I grunted as he slowly pulled bits of board from my skin.

“Then what was it?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it. Heading to the gym.” I tried to pull away, but Buchanan’s grip tightened. Rage and self loathing surged through my veins. I was at the brink of no return, and I needed to burn off the adrenaline I was drowning in or I’d make a stupid mistake like finding Chad and beating the living shit out of him. “Get off. I need to run this off, B.”

Buchanan released a weary sigh and let me go with a shake of his head. The look in his eyes told me he understood what I couldn’t put into words. I had my hand wrapped around the door handle when I heard him say, “This isn’t over, Dillon.”

CHAPTER

FOURTEEN

JAMIE

“Iswear someone was following me, Mal.” I sniffed as he guided me into our building. The warmth from his hand at the small of my back radiated into my chilled skin, even through the layers of my clothes. The bright light stung my sore eyes, every blink like sandpaper. I wished the tears would stop falling, but they had a mind of their own. I wasn’t weak. I hated that people could see me like this. That Mal saw me like this.

Everyone relied on me to be their stronghold in a storm. I was the one who brought the sunshine on their darkest days, who could be relied upon to help take care of people and fix their problems. Putting everyone before myself made me feel like I was neglecting the broken parts of me that desperately needed someone to take care of. But inevitably, no one really cared. I never wanted anyone to feel the way I did.

“It’s alright, Jamie.” The soft tone of Mal’s voice was comforting, and the fact he believed me without question helped ground me. “Let’s get you back to our room and into bed. Unless you want a shower first?”

I didn’t know what I wanted. I couldn’t focus on anything, as my mind was racing a mile a minute. “I…umm.” My teeth clacked together as another full-body shudder worked its way through me.

“You don’t need to decide now. Let’s just get you inside and warmed up.” I caught the concern in his eyes and the slight downturn of his lips.

“Okay.” I didn’t realize we were back in our room until he gently pushed me down onto my bed and pulled off my shoes.

“Arms.” I lifted my arms as he slipped my bag off and placed it on my desk. Tilting his head, Mal looked me over and nodded before disappearing into the adjoining bathroom. “I’ll get the shower started. You think about what movie you want to watch when you get out, okay?”

Tears trickled down my cheeks, showing no sign of stopping any time soon. I was almost numb to them now. I sucked in a shuddering breath and blinked myself out of the daze I was lost in. Moving on autopilot, I folded my hoodie and put it on my chair, kicked off my jeans, deposited them in the hamper, and grabbed my fluffy rainbow kitty pjs. A ghost of a smile flickered on my lips as my fingers toyed with the fluffy material.

“You good?” Mal asked, concern threading his tone as I slipped past him. I nodded mutely, clutching my pjs tightly to me. “I’m gonna go grab us some drinks and something for you to eat. I’m assuming you didn’t eat?”

Guilt churned in my gut. “I’m not hungry, but I’d take a hot cocoa with?—”

“Marshmallows and cream? I got you, boo.”

“Thank you…” my words trailed off into the silence as the door clicked shut, and I was left alone with my thoughts and broken heart.

The hot spray of water pounded against my cold skin, goosebumps chasing the droplets as they fell over me. I allowed myself this moment, this quiet reprieve to open the locked box in my mind and replayed every memory of my time growing up with Dillon. His open smile. Every kind word he whispered in my ear. Every time he showed me what I meant to him without words. What it felt like when he finally kissed me. Then, I added my second kiss with him and slammed the lid shut, vowing as my eyes fluttered closed I would never open it again.

I was finally starting to find my feet at Briar U, considering the first two weeks fried my brain and put me through an emotional wringer. High school had been a breeze by comparison, but I was never one to back down from a challenge. I’d promised Mom I would live my life to the fullest and not shut myself away after she was gone. It was the easiest promise to make, but the hardest one to keep. But I owed her everything, and I refused to renege on the last promise I made the woman who gave up everything for me.

“You’re going to come tonight, aren’t you, JJ?” Mal asked, falling into step beside me as I left calculus and merged with the flow of bodies heading outside. The temperature had dropped over the last few days, and the first leaves had started to turn golden brown.

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