Page 19 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

“Well, if that’s all, guys, I better head home.”

“Thanks for your help, Tim,” Mal said softly. I could just about make out him wrapping his arms around a blurry figure before the door snicked shut.

My bed dipped and Ava’s rainbow hair filled my vision. “You alright there, Jamie?”

“Not really, no.” My eyes started to well up again, but I was too tired to hide my tears as they started to fall.

“Oh, honey.” Ava leaned forward, wrapping her arms around my neck. She held me in her arms, muttering soothing words into my ear. She pulled back and gave me a soft smile. “I’m sorry for pushing you to go tonight.”

I licked my dry lips. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this.” I tried to wave my hand up and down my body, but I ended up smacking myself in the face, making her smile. It broke my heart when it didn’t reach her eyes. I hate making people sad because I felt like I’d failed.

“Here.” Mal holds a cup of coffee in front of me. “Ava, can you help him sit up so he can drink this while I take a look at his leg?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

Ava hooked her arms under mine and helped me shuffle until my back was against the headboard, then passed me a steaming cup of coffee. The rich bean scent wrapped around softer tones of chocolate and caramel. “This smells super sweet.” My nose wrinkled as I took another inhale of the dubious mixture.

“It’s my famous I’ve-had-a-shit-night drink. Caffeine for an energy boost, chocolate and caramel for sweetness, and added sugar in case you’re dropping from an adrenaline surge.”

“Listen to Dr. Mal, Jamie,” Ava said as she walked into the bathroom and returned with the first-aid box we kept under the sink.

I took a sip of my drink, noting the flavors as they burst across my tongue and groaned. “It’s good, huh?” Mal said as he undid the Roman sandals that were cutting off my blood circulation. He pulled them off and flung them across the room. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

I shook my head. “It’s stupid… nothing. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

CHAPTER

NINE

DILLON

Irolled the empty bottle between my fingers, the hollow weight of it echoing the feeling inside me. The smoldering flames of the fire pit licked into the night sky, illuminating a small part of the deck from the darkness beyond it. The party raged around me, people having the time of their lives, drinking, laughing. Fucking. I’d seen one too many poorly executed blow jobs tonight, and I needed to bleach my fucking eyes. The scent of pot hung in the air, and for the first time in my life, I considered taking a joint and numbing the pain infecting me.

A self-deprecating laugh clawed its way up my throat, making a group of girls that were smoking jump out of their skin. A malicious smirk lifted my lips as I enjoyed their fear. It was better than drowning in my self hatred. My head rolled on my shoulders, and I stared up at the ominous blackness above me, the empty bottle slipping from my fingers and clattering on the deck below.

I needed another fucking drink. “Hey, kid.” I grabbed the sleeve of some guy walking past me, pulling him to a stop.

“What the fu…” He lost his voice when he caught sight of me. “H-Hargraves?” he squeaked in question, even though he knew who I was.

“Yup, that’s me.” I tried to smile but it felt awkward. I didn’t make small talk to anyone, if I could help it. “Get me a bottle of tequila.” The girl he was with huffed and stomped her foot. “What?!” I snapped.

“N-nothing.” Wrapping her arms around herself, she looked at the guy she was with. “Let’s just get it for him, k?” The guy nodded and dragged her into the house.

I threw another couple of logs into the fire pit. The flames were almost non-existent now, and it made me realize how cold it was. I shoved my hands into the pocket of my hoodie and continued to stare at the black expanse above my head, wishing the incessant noise around me would fade away, but I was never that lucky.

“H-Hargraves?” My head lolled to the side, and I peeled my eyes open. Fuck! When had they closed? The kid stood there shaking, arm outstretched, bottle of tequila in hand. “I got it.”

I snatched the bottle off him, brought it to my lips and took a long swig. The burn was just what I needed. The kid was still standing there, fidgeting from one foot to the other. “What?” I snapped.

“I-I?—”

“Yooou what? Just spit it the fuck out, will ya? I haven’t got all day to wait on you!”

“I was wondering if.” He licked his lips and pulled his shoulders back. I rolled my eyes, willing his bumbling to be over. “If you could, y’know, say hi to me if you see me around?”

I snorted. This kid was so ordinary he’d blend into a beige wall if he stood still for too long. I ground my teeth. “Fuck off!” I barked, and he scampered off like I’d thrown a grenade at him. “Stupid little prick.”

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