Page 18 of Felix

“No?” I ask, a little surprised.

“No. Except… I know your name now. And we’ll probably be fucking at some point.”

I huff a laugh, and Emil smiles, a small thing.

“But the other stuff?” he says, shaking his head. “Hasn’t changed.”

Relief hits, making me realize just how worried I’d been about that. I would have hated to lose Emil’s friendship. Even more than the view outside my window.

“You can always close your curtains,” I tell him, needing to do so for my own peace of mind.

The slant of his lips this time is all smirk. “I know.”

Well, then. There’s the brazen show-off I know so well.

I chuckle, and Emil waves me down the hall. We rejoin the stragglers in Studio 1, and I learn a little more about these men and one woman I’ll be working with. Emil leaves before me for class, but his, “See you later, Christian,” feels like a promise.

Before I go, Nathaniel hands me a schedule. Jerome has me slotted in with Raylin in a couple days for, yep, hair removal. On Friday, I film an intro to myself, letting the fans know who I am, probably flashing some skin. And then, next week, I’ll work with my scene partner for the lives, getting comfortable before we film for real.

There’s no name yet beside my own, and I can’t help but wonder who I’ll be paired with.

I know who I’m hoping for.

When I get home, it’s early still. Only midafternoon. I sit down in front of Bernie, her plastic body free of dust or smudges. She’s the cleanest thing in my apartment and always will be, not that the rest of the space is all that untidy. I thread some white, all-purpose thread through her needle before grabbing the bundle of fabric I’m turning into a skirt.

My mind and body settles into the familiar rhythm as I start to sew. I remember sitting in almost this exact spot when I was only twelve years old, back when the apartment belonged to my grandmother. My mom had just dropped me off for a visit, and, at the time, I was upset with her because she wouldn’t buy me a skirt I wanted from the store. “It’s girls’ clothes,” she told me. “Not for you.” When my mom left for her job at the diner, my grandma sat down with me on the floor in front of the couch and asked if I was a girl. There was no distaste in her tone, only honest curiosity. She genuinely wanted to know, and I could tell my grandma would have supported me no matter my answer.

I shook my head, though, because even then I knew I was a boy. I just liked skirts.

My grandma squeezed my shoulder and brought me over to her sewing machine, and, together, we made me a skirt. My mom never knew. Not about that one. I’d wear it every time I visited my grandma, and I’d take it off before my mom came to pick me up.

My grandmother was the only person in my life who asked me who I was growing up. Who listened instead of telling me no.

The day I moved in here, that sewing machine broke. I cried when it happened, and it took a good few months before I was able to bring myself to buy Bernie. I don’t regret it, but I do miss the old metal machine I learned to sew on.

Thoughts of my past scatter when a light flicks on across the alleyway. Specs’s light. He walks into his room, disappearing for a moment into the area where I can’t see him. When he returns, he looks toward the window.

With only a moment’s hesitation, I reach over and pull up the blinds. We stare at one another for a long beat, and I wait to see what he’ll do. If he’ll close his curtains.

He doesn’t. He plops onto his bed, sets an energy drink beside him, and opens up a textbook.

With a small exhale, I go back to sewing my skirt. I wonder what Specs will think of the white.

Chapter 5

Emil

“You want me to do the lives with Vixen,” I repeat.

“If you’re amenable,” Jerome says, his foot kicked over his knee as he sits behind his desk. “It’s either you or Adonis, and I’m asking you first. Frankly, I don’t trust Tink not to say something he shouldn’t on a live stream. And Dix, Bruiser, and Teddy are all tops.”

I nod, strangely flattered that Jerome seems to consider me part of the core group here at Elite 8 Studios. There are other guys Christian could do the videos with, but Jerome wants me or Niko.

“Um, yeah,” I answer, heart kicking an extra beat at the idea of being paired with Christian. “I’ll do it.”

Jerome links his hands atop his flat belly. “Good. I’ll have you two do a test run next week. No sex, but we’ll make sure you’re comfortable, figure out camera angles, that sort of thing. We’re going to allow viewers the ability to comment in real time, so we’ll have to be on top of that. I’ll have an assistant monitoring the chat for anything that needs to be removed, but I’m leaving these videos unscripted, so the two of you can accept some direction from the viewers. Within limits, of course.”

Holy shit.

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