Page 80 of Felix

“Can I ask you something?”

He nods, reaching for me. I scoot closer, and he wraps a leg around me, the simple gesture making my heart stutter.

I almost don’t want to open my mouth, but I do. “Your parents?”

Emil sighs ever so slightly, his eyes finally opening. His gaze looks a little unfocused as he finds my face. “They’re not bad people,” he says, and the statement hurts. The fact that he has to preface whatever he’s going to say with that? It makes me think Emil is used to defending them, even inside his own head.

I give him a small nod, and then, in case he can’t see it, add, “Listening.”

“I don’t think they mean to play favorites,” Emil says. “But there are five of us. Julian, Eloise, me, Rebecca, and Henry. Henry and me…we’re the ordinary ones in comparison to everyone else. I don’t… I don’t want my brother to feel like I did growing up. Like I was invisible. Forgotten.”

“Specs,” I say quietly.

He shakes his head, grabbing me and tucking his face against my chest. His words are spoken over my heart. “I know they love me. Henry, too. But it still…”

He swallows, as if saying this aloud is hard for him. I rub his back, my fingers drifting lightly over his skin. He relaxes against me when I scratch the area between his shoulder blades, so I keep it up.

“It still hurts,” he finally says, “when the people who created you, the ones who raised you, don’t seem to see who you are.”

I have to blink my eyes a few times. “Yeah, Specs. I get that.”

He nods against me. He knows.

“Your grandma,” he says, his own question evident in his tone. “You said she’s the most important person in your life.”

“Yeah,” I say, clearing my throat. “She’s always been in my corner, for as long as I can remember.”

“I’m glad you have her.”

“Me, too.”

Emil exhales, and I know it’s late, past midnight at this point. He’ll need to be up early for class. But there’s one last thing I need to say.

“Specs?”

“Mm?”

“You’re far from ordinary.”

He goes still, body and breath both. “You think?”

I squeeze him like my own life-sized pillow. He smells clean, and I don’t know whether or not I’m imagining it, but I swear there’s still a hint of us, too.

“Specs,” I say, amazed this man can’t see what I do. “I know so.”

Chapter 21

Emil

A textbook sits open in front of me. An empty energy drink is beside my arm. I’ve been studying for my Behavioral Neuroscience exam for so long I’m not even sure what time it is. Early evening, I think?

I rub my eyes, the words in front of me starting to blur together. When my phone pings, I nearly jump. Setting down my half-chewed pencil, I pick up the device to find a text from my brother.

Henry: Did you say something to Mom and Dad?

Shit. I blow out a breath and text back.

Me: Yeah, I did.

---