Page 13 of Wild Hearts

We’ve chatted a couple of times at work, and she’s got a different vibe than Kayla and her group, so my fingers are crossed that I’ll have better luck in the friendship department with her.

God, making friends as an adult is hard.

I feel like I’m back in freaking high school, begging for attention from anyone who will notice me.

My phone lights up with a text.

Susie: Sorry, already have plans, but thanks for asking!

Sighing, I put on a brave face and reply.

Me: That’s alright! I knew it was late notice but thought I’d check lol. Have fun! :)

There. That didn’t sound needy or upset. It’s not personal, I tell myself. Her life doesn't revolve around me, and just because this time is a no-go doesn’t mean future get-togethers won’t happen. No big deal.

“We’ll just go by ourselves.”

Shadow wags his tail in excitement. Avery, Elsie, and I are going to the carnival next Saturday, but tonight’s admission is free with a canned food item since it’s a Monday. I figured it’d be the perfect low-risk opportunity for another socializing attempt. “We’ll practice enjoying events as a single person, right, boy?”

He yips in agreement, and my mood immediately brightens.

At the carnival, Shadow and I share a funnel cake as we wander through aisles of rides, games, and food trucks. The host, Miss Patty’s Orchard, has signage everywhere, and there’s an apple-flavored something at all the vendor stalls. Even our funnel cake has spiced apples on top.

At first, I felt a little self-conscious—the lone woman and her dog ambling through families and groups of friends. Then it became obvious that nobody cared. They were too focused on their own enjoyment to notice me, which loosened the chains of anxiety knotted in my chest.

Pausing between two stalls for a breather from the crowds, I tell Shadow, “Last one,” and toss a piece of dough into his waiting mouth before throwing the paper plate in the bin behind me.

We’re about to step back into the fray when a familiar high-pitched voice drifts over the buzz of laughter and conversation surrounding us. Peering around the corner of a tent, I see Kayla, her girls, and Susie, giggling as they get in line for the Tilt-a-Whirl.

A sledgehammer demolishes the bit of confidence tonight had given me. Why is Susie here after refusing my carnival offer? Why didn’t she invite me along? It’s not like I’m a stranger to Kayla and her friends.

My mind races with excuses.

Maybe she wanted a girls’ night without me, the new girl, especially since I spent Friday night with Kayla, Lindsey, and Brittany. Maybe her original plans fell through, and this was a last-minute decision. I can’t exactly blame her for forgetting me—we haven’t known each other for that long, right?

Still, feelings of rejection slick my gut.

This really is like high school again.

I never had close friends since my family moved around so much, but there would always be a couple of girls I connected with wherever we were.

One time at my second high school, we agreed to meet up at the ice rink. After waiting alone at the rink for thirty minutes, I decided it wouldn’t seem too desperate to call and see where everyone was. That first conversation made it clear that no one was coming. They didn’t think we’d made ‘concrete plans,’ so the hang out was completely forgotten.

Humiliation had washed over me after the conversation ended, and I had to call my parents to come pick me up, playing things off like everything was fine—like my poor sixteen-year-old heart wasn’t aching.

Susie shifts, putting me directly in her line of sight. Afraid of being spotted, I retreat further between the stalls as Shadow whines and licks my hand. He knows something is wrong, but how to explain to a dog that the person he thinks is amazing doesn’t measure up in the eyes of humans.

“Grace, is that you?”

Fuck my life.

Why does it have to be Wes catching me at such a vulnerable moment?

I inhale a deep breath to compose myself before easing out of the shadows.

“Hey…”

“Is something wrong?” His bearded jaw tightens as he searches the shadowy space over my shoulder for the reason why I’m cowering in the dark.

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