Page 66 of Hot Blooded

“Not like this, Amos. Never like this.” She drew further away from him, reaching for her employee keycard as she turned towards the door.

Amos caught her by the shoulder, forcing her back around to face him. “What do you mean ‘like this’?”

She took a breath, bracing herself for the deepening hurt that came with laying her feelings out to be trampled. “Like I’m some kind of obligation you have to look after. I want to be wanted. I deserve to be wanted.” It wasn’t entirely Amos’s fault, but those feelings had been building for a long time. She was sick of how her family treated her and exhausted by keeping her mother afloat—she wanted to be beloved and cherished, not a burden.

She pulled out of his grasp, reaching for the door.

“Tessa, wait. I—”

“I have to get back to work, Amos. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” She needed space before she could face him again. One day apart might not be enough, but at least it was something. She slipped inside, letting the door fall shut on his objection.

When her shift ended, the sun had risen. Back at home, Ma was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.

“Kettle’s still hot,” Ma said as Tessa slumped into a chair across from her. “Rough day?”

“Yeah.” Tessa dragged herself back onto her feet to make a cup of mint tea.

Ma got up to rummage in the fridge. “I’ve got an open pack of bacon. You want bacon and eggs?”

“Sure,” she said, trying not to sound too listless. “Thanks, Ma.”

Tessa ate in silence, turning her conversation with Amos over and over in her mind. Had she overreacted? Hadn’t she been waiting for him to ask? Shouldn’t she be glad he wanted to protect her?

Ma slid a plate of scrambled eggs and fried bacon in front of Tessa, jerking her out of her looping doubts. “There you go.”

“Thanks.”

Ma settled back in her seat, picking up her coffee and her iPad. “So I was talking to Robbie, and he thinks since the mortgage is back under control, I should consider getting a better car.”

Tessa paused, bacon halfway to her mouth. “What’s wrong with your current car?”

Ma shrugged. “Nothing’s wrong with it. It’s just old.”

“It’s not even ten years old.”

“That’s old for a car. And Robbie said loan rates are really good now, so if I trade in the Civic, I could probably…”

Tessa stared at her mother, not even comprehending the words coming out of her mouth. The mortgage was only under control because Tessa had fixed it. All that time and money, all the sacrifices she’d made, all the things she’d given, just so Ma could shrug it off and go car shopping? Was she just going to wrack up more debt and expect Tessa to be there to bail her out again?

You’re going to kill me, Tessa thought bitterly. Her whole family. They were going to use her up until they couldn’t wring another drop of blood or sweat out of her, and they would never thank her for it. Never return the favor. But they would keep expecting her to be there.

They were a burden. She hated feeling that way, but they were. And it made it hard to love them.

Resolved, she pushed away from the table.

“What are you doing?” Ma asked, looking annoyed. “Did you hear anything I said?”

Tessa put her plate in the dishwasher and turned to face her mother. “Do whatever you want, Ma. I think it’s a terrible idea, but I’m not your keeper. If you end up upside-down on that car loan, though, I’m not doing a thing about it.”

“Robbie thinks it’s a good idea,” Ma said defensively.

“Oh, does he? Robbie, the financial genius who did literally nothing about all Dad’s medical bills?”

“You understand all that medical stuff better than he does.”

“I’m a nurse, Ma! I don’t work in billing! I don’t know any better than anyone else who’s ever had medical debt! But I fucking figured it out, while Rob did dick, so by all means, take his expert financial advice!”

“Robbie put new tires on the car last winter! And he paid for that busted pipe and all the water damage in the basement!”

---